Talk About Being “Tied Up”



It’s 2018. We say a lot of things that most of us don’t follow through with. We do things behind closed doors that we wouldn’t want our parents to know and then put ourselves on blast on every other social media outlet in hopes that some other equally-perverted person shares our romanticized view of the generally disgusting avenues we choose to mate in. Past the point of “spicing things up” between the sheets, some people require (or prefer) toys, role-playing, tails, or even complete removal of other senses, be it through blind-folding, binding, gagging or otherwise. Suffice it to say that personally I don’t think using the internet like a ninth grader sending dick pics is the most viable way to find a long term companion. We literally have sites like Fetlife whose entire business model is built off of matching peoples naughty nether needs. I’m gonna guess their marriage rate is significantly lower than Plentyoffish, hell, Tindr probably has a better relationship longevity rate. Be all that as it may, everyone is entitled to like whatever they like and though we may never know a couple behind closed doors, I’ve lived with enough couples to know that the door almost never STAYS closed. Eventually they will approach you about the how they arrived at the principles and practices that they partake in, sometimes going as far as to try convincing me that what they liked would become standard within a small window of time.

Note: To this day, only that one couple (that I know of) within my circle (or even at all) “partake” in what they liked. Suffice it to say that they used condiments, and that I didn’t wanna use that bbq sauce after she walked it back out of their room. How could they do Sweet Baby Ruth like that?

We now instead have conventions about how we like to bang, idols in the adult entertainment industry that we actually take advice from (Sasha Grey), their relationships make our headlines (Christie Mack), and we see people watch our government try and hit on them (Ajit Pai to Mai Khalifa, which was a hoax article that gained more footing than the power outages in Puerto Rico), how can we believe that any of that is going to offer us either happiness or wisdom?

Anyhow, I digress, into music about what the lack-luster, carnally-driven, idiots we’re all becoming.


I found this while looking for Danzig merch on a punk website. . .I’m still not entirely sure that it isn’t Danzig singing here. Gonna give this one eight bilateral kinbaku rope knots out of ten. Thick with two c’s.

Too new, you say? You only like old punk, you say?


Formed in the late 70’s in Bristol, England, and fronted by the leather clad siren Beki Bondage (eh? See what I did there? FLOW BABY!). Not sounding anything like many anti-nazi/fascist/police bands at the time, Vice Squad was formed by the merger of two separate bands, “The Contingent” and “TV Brakes”. For fans of Bikini Kill, or The Adicts.


From the album “Of Human Bondage” (why the song isn’t just called that, I couldn’t tell ya), I feel as if I may have brought this one to the table before. That withstanding, I very much doubt this off-brand Iced Earth has made it’s way into your earholes before. Lyrically this one is a bit of a rabbit hole the whole way through the album. It’s country of origin being Germany, I was mostly expecting bang-on English, and they do that, PLUS a hell of a job painting a picture with the inclusion of massive synths and classic thrash chugging.

Knot what I expected.



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