If you have made it this far, no doubt you are wondering what in the fresh Hell is Drunk in a Graveyard. Drunk in a Graveyard is a lot of things, and firstly we are a horror and alternative media review site piloted by whiskey and crewed by the damned. From humble pie beginnings in 2012, we now have six plus long term staff writers and a variety of contributors. We cover everything from movies, music, books, and other media and offer our opinions in a fresh spin of ranty, hilarious, and inebriated. If you are coming here looking for the same old song and dance review site as the plethora of others, you will find yourself sorely disappointed, however if you like to put a little laughter in your slaughter then we are the place to be. We are too cool for the spooky kids, too spooky for the normies and are always equipped with a flask of hard liquor and a few witticisms to spare.
We are always accepting media for review so if you have something (anything!) you would like us to talk about on the site please send us an email and one of our writers will likely be able to accommodate.
On the subject of writers, we are always looking for contributing and staff writers for the page and if you like out style and think you have what it takes to join our elite ranks of the liver damaged comedians then please also feel free to send us an email and let’s talk about it.
We are fairly open as far as writing goes, but we generally are seeking ranty humorous pieces. Humor is very essential to our mission and also to our content.
Drunk in a Graveyard may only have begun in 2012 but truthfully our beginnings harken back to be young and dumb and full of cum and drinking 26oz’s while watching bad movies, dancing all night in the graveyard and making a load of poor decisions and for us that nature is not lost. Along with recommending movies and media that are being generated by up and coming independent artists we also seek to have a little fun with what we do and every snort of laughter or chuckle is a victory. We put the hot in psychotic, the fun in funeral and the alcohol in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Thanks for visiting and come back and see us in the boneyard, and remember to always stay spooky!
-Robin Goodfellow, Official DIAG Jimmie Rustler
Contact us at email@example.com
Meet the Drunks!
Hailing from the Great White North and no stranger to the bleak coldness of the winter snow, Robin Goodfellow is a true Canadian dirtbag – a combination of Baby Spice and Hunter S Thompson. Robin likes coffee and metal the same: black. Favourite color is vodka. Personal inspirations : Aleister Crowley, George Carlin, Louis C.K, Iliza Schlesinger, Robert Smith, and John Constantine.
Possessed of a love of all things horror and (even more importantly) most things low-budget and janky, Scotty Floronic decided the best outlet for his thoughts, opinions, outrages and just plain old fashioned rants about his favorite genre would be the haven of all loudmouths in our age: the Internet! Though the Graveyard is and always will be Scotty’s main haunt, he can also be found writing about shitty movies (SURPRISE!) and random nostalgic interests over at Strange Kids Club as well.
Armed with dubious taste and scorching self loathing, the man with the fake internet name of Johnny Zontal takes a sick joy in sitting through some of the worst movies ever made, and letting the world know how he feels in poorly written, expletive filled tirades. He hails from Pittsburgh, land of such spooky things as Romero, Savini, Nicotero, and black & gold Zubaz pants. Way in to sandwiches. Follow on twitter @johnnyzontal
Possibly best known for shittily recorded black metal, burning churches, murder, Mayhem and insanity, Varg has since retired from the metal glory to lead a quiet life of quiet insanity. Having originally been angered by Drunk in a Graveyard’s annual “Night Before Vargsmas” poems, he wrote in to threaten the lives of the DIAG squad and found an unlikely friendship in Robin Goodfellow. When he isn’t sending her hate mail and threatening to commit atrocities against humanity (like recording another Burzum ambient album), he’s penning love advice columns for the love lorn, and you too can email him your burning questions. To clarify, this bio was written by Robin, as Varg has flat out refused as he does not believe bios to be very grim.
Sarah is an ancient heart. At least that is what she wants everyone to think. She has her fingers in everything that involves death, witchcraft, curiosities, fleeing reality or the excessive use of hot glue guns to build herself an alter ego. She loves to take pictures of all that jazz which you can see on her instagram @ancient_hearts. The soundtrack of her life is dark and moody and her writing toys with all topics from the obscure and odd things that life has to offer. Prepare to enter a creepy castle of thoughts and ramblings when she starts to blabber about the ten thousand interests that are mostly not relevant but still kind of haunting.
An avid horror watcher for over two decades and a former beer hater, Glen is rarely as content as when he’s watching somebody get offed in a movie. The majority of Glen’s nights involve at least one nightmare; a byproduct of all the years of horror intake. His least favorite type of horror is the Cannibal sub-genre, but he would sooner watch one of those movies than a romantic comedy. You can follow him on Twitter @DiggingTooDeep.
Having spent the majority of his youth in the tranquil English countryside surrounded by naught but wildlife and distinct whispers of centuries old selective inbreeding all in the name of tourism it’s no wonder that Cult chose to rebel. Pouring forth his innermost demons onto the page he began to scribble in a strange land indeed. The desert landscape of Tucson Arizona, to be more specific, where he found himself awaking one morning transported following a major lifestock logistics snafu following a night of partying so hard, truth be told he couldn’t remember his own name or which of his socks were meant for the left or right foot. It was from this bizarre chain of events that the moniker Cult was born.
Cult’s work first appeared on Horror-writers.net. But he sensed something was amiss so rather than be told to ‘bugger off’ (in no uncertain terms) he departed under cover of a tattered Walmart umbrella to help create thydemonsbescribblin.com.
In the past he has submitted to various flash fiction contests without much success but still strives one day to be a complete failure in order to only prove (at the very least) his parents immortal words correct. To quote Faith no More …you ain’t ever gonna amount to nothing…”
Cult currently spends the majority of his time in the frozen wastes of Nebraska cleaning up an assortment of bodily fluids in the wake of his youngests’ path of infantile destruction. When he finds the time he can be found flailing his limbs to music resembling the soundtrack of a riot inbetween immersing himself in movies that no parent would ever wish their beloved offspring to witness. Follow on Twitter
Voidhanger was a feral child raised by squirrels in the woods of Ontario. Now somewhat integrated into the fringes of civilized society, he retains the bad habit instilled by his adoptive rodents of crossing 90% of a road and running back to the other side if startled by the slightest noise. Longing to return to the forests of his youth but kept from doing so after signing a ten-year cell phone contract, he spends his nights robbing graves for high-end shoes to sell to unwitting passers-by on the sidewalks of Toronto. Fred compulsively gnaws on drywall and sleeps on a moldy Ouija board in an abandoned mannequin factory crawlspace. You can find him on twitter ranting about nuclear squirrels and heavy metal.
Occasional Contributors: These crazy fucks might not be on the regular roster but that doesn’t mean they dont slam like the best of us.
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