There are few bands that follow us through our lives, providing a soundtrack to the good times, the bad times and all the forgettable garbage in between. Anal Cunt is one of those bands. I’ve compiled a list of songs that, in my opinion, perfectly represent some pretty important and memorable times in ones life.

Birthday

“I Couldn’t Afford To Buy You A Present (So I Wrote You This Song)”

I’m only a simple man; I never made much money
But I’ve got a wealth of love to share with you honey

Graduation

Still A Freshman After All These Years

Losing Your Virginity

“You Were Too Ugly To Rape, So I Just Beat The Shit Out Of You”

I drank a case of whiskey 
And you looked like Jeanine Jizm
I drank another case of whiskey
And you looked like Roasanne Barr

Road Trips

“I Lit Your Baby On Fire”

Spent all my money on drugs, and couldn’t afford to fly
I took a Greyhound bus, You and your brat sat next to me
It wouldn’t shut up, so i lit it on fire
For 30 seconds it was louder, then it shut up

First Job

“I Got An Office Job For The Sole Purpose Of Sexually Harassing Women”

If you work with me prepare to get harrassed
When you’re standing at the copier I’ll Pinch Your Ass
I don’t care if you’re ugly, don’t care if you’re old
You’re still a woman and I want to make you’re life miserable

Wedding

“I Noticed That You’re Gay”

Pregnancy

“You’re Pregnant, So I Kicked You In The Belly”

I KICKED YOU, YOUR BABY’S DEAD
I KICKED YOU, YOUR BABY’S DEAD
I KICKED YOU, YOUR BABY’S DEAD

Divorce

“You Look Divorced”

You’ve got that mopey look on your face,
You’re 3 months behind on your alimony payments,
You’re pissed off your ex married someone new

Retirement

“Phyllis Is An Annoying Old Cunt”

you’re a fucking cunt,you’re old and dried up
you’re a crusty old bitch, i hope you fucking die
you’re an ugly bitch,you make me fucking sick
you’re big fucking mouth,i’m sick of hearing it

Death
“You’re In A Coma”

you shit in a bag,you piss in a tube,you can’t walk,you can’t move
You’re in a coma
You’re in a coma
You’re in a coma
You’re in a coma