Sweat Lodge, Ceremony, Serendipity, and Schur’s “Cactus”

Hey friends. How’s things?

I haven’t been around in a lil, because I’ve been up to all kinds of hijinks, and I felt like maybe I should share some of it with you. There’s this meme I repost sometimes and it’s pretty funny and it kinda describes how things have been going, better than me click clacking away.

Hahaha, anyways – yeah, things have actually been going pretty good lately, which is maybe why I haven’t been here at the old click clackers, ya know. I feel a lot better than I have in actually quite some time and I’m gonna tell you a little about why I think that is, and I’m also back to wax idiotic about a new song I heard that hit me like a fucking lightning bolt at the exact time I needed it (and it’s a banger fr bro, trust).

SOoooo – I’ve been going through it right? My life for the last like five years has been haunted by a stream of horrific shit, and more fucking mysteries than Unsolved Mysteries and things have gotten pretty dark at points – you know those moments where the leather belt and the back of the bathroom door seems like a real good idea? Or like you wanna go stand in the rain all emo like and smoke cigarettes you light off the previous one you smoked. I’ve gotten UP IN some misery these last few years, lemme tell ya. Just mainlining it, pretty well.

That’s not to say I haven’t been doing a shitload of personal work behind the scenes – because I have and I think that’s what makes it hard too, because like, you’re trying to get better and you end up in the fucking weeds and all of a sudden you get filled to the brim with therapy talk, EMDR, gratitude journaling which seems hokey when there isn’t much to feel grateful for, radical self acceptance, ecstatic yoga (whatever the fuck that is), “slow mornings”, slapping old dirty beef tallow on your ass, the list goes on really. What people don’t really tell you about doing personal work is that it’s a fucking slog and it sucks and it’s painful and once you’re up to your knees in it, the only way out, is through – much like Hell.

And insults keep stacking up too, while you’re doing that work. A couple months ago, my friend Katie died of breast cancer, and I’ve been really struggling with that and I really began to have a crisis of faith about it. When she died, I felt like there was really not much good in the world anymore.

So, about a month ago now, I was invited to participate in a sweat lodge ceremony that was happening for indigenous women/femme identifying folks in my area, and I signed up immediately, agreeing to go with a friend who had just lost her sister (also my friend) to a drug overdose. We were both really hurting and in many ways, we still are. But, doing this together, was one of the most healing things I think I’ve personally done in my life.

So.. what’s sweat lodge, some of you may be asking – well, it’s a ceremony with origins in many indigenous cultures and it looks a lil like this:

from https://www.muiniskw.org/pgCulture2d.htm

It’s a dome structure, usually made of willow, covered with tarps and blankets, slightly dug into the earth. A sacred fire is kept outside and rocks known as “grandfathers” are heated by the fire and put into the lodge where sacred herbs and medicines are placed on the heated rocks along with sacred water containing various medicines, and the whole thing basically becomes a sauna and the fabric door is closed. It’s pitch black inside. The ceremony is led by an esteemed Elder who knows the land and songs and prayers and participants go inside and sing, share prayers, share grief, cry, scream, and otherwise engage in healing and with the sacred – everyone on their own terms. The goal of the sweat is to well, make you sweat, and allow you a space to be “reborn”. The lodge itself is to mimic the womb of Mother Nature and you crawl on your hands and knees inside to be with her and inside her. When you climb out, it is, in a way, like being reborn.

I had previous done a very junior version of sweat lodge when I was in university and it was nothing like the ceremony I attended a month ago. I know I run a ha-ha podcast and shitpost a lot online and do a lot of fucking around, but I mean it when I say that I still really don’t have a ton of words for what happened to me there and maybe, really I never will and that’s ok. All I can say is that literally, metaphorically, emotionally and physically – I feel different, lighter.

I attended ceremony on a hot day, and in between the heat of my desert city, the heat of the lodge, the spiritual and literal purging I did, I came home completely filthy, stinking of fire and creek water and feeling exhausted and free. It was easily one of the highest, most psychedelic and transformative experiences I’ve ever had. The Elder who led the ceremony was beautiful, this strong matriarch, firm and gentle all at once, and I felt seen by her.

As I drove home from ceremony, wordless and stupefied, back into cellphone service and billboards, a song came on my Spotify recommended – Schur’s “Cactus”. Here’s the lyrics:

I should
Meditate in traffic
I could
Vegetate in my hatchback
Hit the
DMV for practice practice
Waiting in line under hospital lights
Meditate in traffic
I could
Elevate in my hatchback
If I’d
Take a bite of the cactus I would see

Cómo te llamas
Welcome to Oaxaca (hola)
Finally getting settled
Put my clothes on the cama
When I see him outside he’s floating out the trees
He’s got a rattlesnake necklace and another made of beads
Swinging down to his knees
Mr. Spirituality never had such steez
Caballero please
Take me back to the bush show me how you came to be
Believe me the juice requires more than a squeeze

What the fuck does that mean
He could sense I’d never seen
He could sense I was a skeptic hectic
Shithead restless
Driving too fast through Connecticut so

I should
Meditate in traffic (so)
I could
Vegetate in my hatchback (so)
Hit the
DMV for practice practice
Waiting in line under hospital lights (so)
Meditate in traffic (so)
I could
Elevate in my hatchback (so)
If I’d
Take a bite of the cactus I would see

Sundown and we sit down and he sets out his hammock
Makes no convo just unfolds a leather pouch with cactus
Brews a sweet tea and peacefully hands a heap to me in ceramic
Takes a small sip and starts to chant some ritual in Spanish
Now I’ve done this already in an apartment in college
And I don’t think that the psychedelic will psyche me out to be calmer
But it turns out that the cactus was a way to make me vomit
He wanted to bring on discomfort so I could finally find my pocket

What the fuck does that mean
He could sense I was green
He could sense I was a skeptic hectic
Shithed restless
Driving too fast through Connecticut so

And damn, ok, just fucking @ me next time. Holy shit.

Nevermind that I, too, have taken a few bites of the cactus (and also vomited out my soul while at it, I see you Schur). The lyrics just hit about meeting a spiritual Elder and feeling seen, understood and guided at the same time. I had been trying to think about what it meant to me to be seen by that Elder and this song just kinda said it for me. I guess that’s the beauty of Serendipity, but like, what luck to happen across this artistry when I really needed it. I’ve written kinda countless times now about how music means a lot to me, I mean yeah no fucking shit, look around at this website.. but more recently I’ve talked about how much I’ve just FELT certain music and how it’s meant a lot to me. I say it again, but I grew up feeling so alienated from other people. A lot of times I fucking swear I’ve felt like some kind of alien rather than a person ya know? When I find moments where I can connect with someone, as a human having a human experience, I find these moments to be very fufilling. This is what happened when I heard Schur’s “Cactus” and I have to say, I’d never heard of the guy before.

This is him:

He’s a musician from Connecticut and I really dig his stuff, but most especially “Cactus” – the lyrics especially just hit hit hit. I think he’s really cool and he’s been busy on insta posting some travel content and I think he’s cool as fuck. Not to get all Marge Simpson up in this bitch, but I just think he’s neat and if you’re feeling like it, you could check him out on his website or on insta.

Sometimes, you just need a sunny day, some ceremony, some serendipity and that one song, and things can change for the better. I feel like that happened with me and I’ve been feeling really great lately. So thanks to Schur and the sacred, and I’ll see you fuckers around.

So – Schur, if you read this – thanks? I needed it, and thank you for making it – from one skeptic, hectic, restless shithead to another.

k anyways bye

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August 10, 2025 0

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Jocke – “16 Takter” (feat. Johanna Sjöholm)

Hihi babies. I’m comin outta my cave and I’ve been… doing just fine I guess. Anyways, I’ve been writing a whole bunch about the comings and goings of some Swedish musicians I like, which has caused some very interesting interactions on the Drunk in a Graveyard Instagram where Swedish peeps will see I’ve been waxing idiotic about Swedish music and then follow the account only to be greeted by the high end autism of three weirdoes from Canada (but luckily the Swedes are into it, because they’re weird in the same way Canadians are.. something about living in a frozen country full of snow etc makes us all a little cracked I think).

Anyways, I met a Swede on Insta recently who’s a musician and also way into Random Bastards. His name is Joakim Holmqvist and he goes by Jocke online and just released a song called “16 takter” featuring Johanna Sjöholm. I gotta say, I love it. Something about the Swedish vocals alongside a little lapsteel sound just sent me in the best way and the lyrics (most of which I can understand now, go me and my shitty Swedish lessons) are a little sad lovesick lost romance unrequited love and anyone who knows me knows I’m a real sad bitch and I get all twisted up over stuff like this.

Here’s the lyrics in Swedish:

16 takter, säger nåt jag inte sagt än
16 takter, säger något vackert
16 takter, där jag tappar mig själv
i 16 takter står själen på glänt
Mottot är det går som det går,
Men det går sisådär när jag står där jag står
Något stulet, något vackert, 16 takter
Säger nåt jag inte sagt än  (my fave lines – “something stolen, something beautiful, say something I haven’t said yet”

Kan 16 takter vara mer än bara ord?
Kan 2 meter ner vara mer än bara jord?
Kan rosor vara mer än bara blad?
Kan vi två vara mer än bara du och jag?
Svaren finns i frågan, men jag ser dem inte
Jag har letat så långt jag ser men hittar inget,
Om mening finns i 18 tomma ord,
Kan det vara så att vi är mer än bara jord?

Du vet att tystnad en dag skadar oss
Å dom ord som sårar minst är dom vi gömmer bort
Kan ordet säga mer än tusen bilder?
Kan ordet säga mer än det man ville?
Du vet tanken, som tynger ditt bröst, som gnager i dig och som spräcker din röst, Är det mer än bara energi? Är jag och du mer än bara vi?
Är vi mer än bara kött och ben? Blir själen nånsin ren?

Anyways I like this song and hope Jocke continues to make music and be weird over in Sweebland. For native English speakers – check out the song even if you don’t understand the words. Use Google translate or some shit or just vibe ya know? I’m from Canada and so are most of the readers on this page – go grab a big doobie and light up, ya filthy animals, because I know you do and let those vibes flow.

Anyways!

You can follow him on insta/tiktok/twitter – @jagejocke
He’s on Spotify as Jocke.

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You can find Robin on Instagram

July 14, 2025 0

On Beats, Beads and Beef: rapper Russ and the indigenous medallion drama

I woke up this morning to a message from a friend, asking me what I thought about the “Russ/medallion incident”. I had no fucking clue what they were referring to and looked it up. I also had no idea who Russ was.
So here’s my understanding of this all, and you can be sure to leave me an angry misspelled comment to correct any inaccuracies:

Russ, born Russell James Vitale in 1992, is an American rapper from New Jersey who has risen to a significant amount of fame. He had a part in M. Night Shyamalan’s 2024 film “Trap”, has recently released a book, and his album W!LD was released this year. He performed at a concert on July 12, 2025 in Toronto, ON – a large outdoor show. During the concert, a fan passed out and Russ was alerted to the fan in distress and stopped the show to get them help (Travis Scott could learn from this perhaps but hey what the fuck do I know). A while after this, the story goes that an indigenous woman who was in the stands was trying to get Russ’s attention in order to gift him a hand beaded medallion she had made commemorating his new album W!LD. Members of the audience on the floor assisted the woman to pass the medallion up through the surging crowd, working together to pass it to an indigenous man up front who waved the beadwork piece and allegedly used his phone light to illuminate the piece, to get Russ’s attention in order to give him the piece. This caused Russ to assume another medical emergency was happening.

Russ became angry about this and stopped the show to deliver something of an onstage rant (captured on video and now infamous on the old TikTok) about being disrupted during his performance. During the rant he called the medallion “dumb (he says he said ‘some’, I heard ‘dumb’) shit”, and lectured the audience about respectful behaviour during his show and told the person holding the medallion to “Get a grip”. He did not accept the medallion gift, though he did later accept and hold up a pair of used women’s panties.

The internet, of course, being the internet lit the fuck up when videos of the exchange were posted. Russ went online to defend himself and accused the would be gifters of “faking a medical emergency” in order to get his attention. He called them selfish and stated they wanted to make the show about them and he didn’t like that. He stated he felt “rattled” and upset and that the incident interrupted “an introspective song (Superman)”. He’s made multiple videos on it, he’s been commenting and commenting, and has doubled and tripled down on his behaviour and keeps asserting he was right.

So. Yikes to all of this, right?

It sounds like a shit show and it doesn’t exactly make Russ sound like a great dude. I’d never heard of the guy before all this, and I did check out some of his music and it personally wasn’t for me, but I do get why a lot of people would probably really like it.

I’ll try to be objective though, as I myself stand on stages fairly regularly and even in a room that seats about 500 people, I cant see shit beyond the first few rows with stage lights shining into my eyeballs.
For Russ, it’s possible that what he saw was simply lights and commotion. It’s very likely he didn’t see the medallion at first, or even if he did, that he likely didn’t understand the significance of it. He’s not indigenous and he’s not Canadian.

I can also understand at least in some ways, how Russ may have and likely did feel rattled thinking another medical emergency had occured.

However, my sympathy does dry up a little bit with a lot of Russ’s behaviour after the show specifically around accusing people at the show of “faking a medical emergency”. Those are big words and a big accusation. How do you know that’s what they did tho? There has to be some kind of actual evidence for that.
Sure, they may have had phone lights on, sure. Buuuuuuuuuut, how were they to know that that’s signalling medical emergency? I’ve personally being going to concerts for a very very long time as I’m older than the hills, and I wouldn’t immediately recognize lights flashing to mean that someone was in distress. Maybe he said that to the crowd. I don’t know. To say someone was faking an emergency means you’re saying there was ill intent, malice behind the actions, and I do think it’s likely that there wasn’t malice. Sometimes people just get caught up in a moment. If I was at a show and someone had a gift like that, I’d probably help them try to gift it as well – but I also understand the significance of a piece like this.

I think it’s important to understand that we don’t all communicate in the same language or understand the same signals. There’s a lot of variables that can be at play here. Maybe the people involved in trying to get the medallion to Russ simply were trying to get his attention, simply trying to do something nice and meaningful for the medallion maker, trying to help a clearly devoted fan have a moment with the artist. Maybe they didn’t know what the signalling meant, or how it could be interpreted.
Concerts tend to be busy and chaotic environments and there can be a level of intoxication for performers and attendees alike and I personally find Russ accusing these folks of “faking a medical emergency” to be disingenuous and runs on a lot of assumptions. Momma always said when we assume that it makes an ass of u and me, so… maybe mom was on to something.

I’m willing to offer too that Russ was likely rattled after the moment. Sure. It’s happened to me and I have absolutely nowhere near the fame he has. It doesn’t take much to wreck up the headspace of being on stage and doing a performance. I get it. However, once Russ was confronted with the footage of the incident – a woman and her gift, a crowd trying to pass it forward, etc, and learning of the deep significance of the gift, Russ could have made a statement and said something along the lines of “hey man, sorry about all this, I was kinda freaked out, mistakes happen, I’ve had some time and distance and I’d really like to get the medallion, sorry for the confusion etc”, I’m no publicist, so anything along those lines. Something to smooth things out and mend fences you know?

Sometimes, with apologies, you apologize even if you think you don’t need to. It probably would have meant the world to just say something like that, accept the gift, and be gracious and move the fuck on.

I dislike that Russ felt motivated to bring up previous positive interactions with the indigenous community as if this incident was weightless and he could be granted escape from critique for having previously not been seen to be rude and arrogant about such things to other indigenous people – it reeks of “well I have a ___ best friend” and it’s like bro that’s not the point.

I wonder, too, about the medallion maker and the people who tried to help her get her gift to Russ. How must they be feeling? I couldn’t imagine trying to gift something to someone, or trying to help someone gift something to someone and thinking you’re doing something good and kind and then just like getting a tongue lashing, being made to feel small, less than, embarassed, humiliated, and then the drama gets splashed all over the internet for chuckleheads to dissect in the black and white cognitively distorted thinking that the internet loves.

I’m mixed race indigenous – Anishinaabe/Ukrainian. My father was a residential school survivor and grew up on the Mishkeegogamang reservation in North Western Ontario and I currently reside on the traditional, ancestral and unceded territory of the Tk̓emlúps te Secwépemc. Beading is a very sacred and respected part of indigenous culture (also Ukrainian culture). Because I understand how sacred, meaningful, time consuming and laborious beading and beadwork can be, my immediate reaction to all of this is one of deep hurt and I feel so incredibly sad for the woman who did the beadwork, for the people who helped to take it to the front of the show, and the man who tried to do something kind on behalf of another fan. If, you happen to be reading this, I am so very sorry that this happened to you. Please do not allow this incident and ensuing drama to stop you from beading, shining your culture with pride, and for helping others – this is the way of the indigenous community. You did a good thing. You tried. I truly believe that your hearts were in the right place. My heart goes out to you and I hurt for you and with you.

How could one ever listen to the music again? How could you not feel that little dagger of shame in your heart everytime? I would be so very crushed.

Recently, actually, I tried to gift something to a member of my community – something I had very carefully selected and picked out and saved for just the right occasion and the gift was unequivocally rejected in a deeply hurtful way. That experience changed me. It hurts to even write about it, to be honest. So I think of that and think of this fan and their friends, and other people at the show and think of how this experience must have soured something that once meant a lot.

No, maybe it wasn’t done perfectly, trying to give this gift. But what situation is ever perfect?
Maybe we need to stop tearing the absolute shit out of each other just because we show up to this shit heap of a life in imperfect ways. I’d personally rather have someone show up in an imperfect way with a heart full of good intentions, than for someone to show up perfectly with a heart full of malice.

Holy sweet merciful lord is it that difficult to just make things right and lay off the tough guy rapper shit and just say you’re sorry, accept the gift, use the thing as a teaching moment like hey, maybe you don’t know this but flashing lights makes me think medical emergency?

Merkules, a Canadian rapper, ensures that he takes time out of every stop in Kamloops, BC to visit Jessie Simpson, a Merkules fan who was savagely attacked and left with a severe brain injury and requiring 24/h care after being attacked by a Kamloops vigilante. Merk doesn’t have to do this, but he does it for his fan, and because that’s just who Merk is.

Ice Cube also famously stopped a show to accept a medallion, so like.. my brother.. come the fuck on here.
You’re an artist and when you create, sometimes you just kinda gotta accept that people are going to want to have special moments with you – it means they love you and your work. But I guess that’s easier said than done because damn, some people do be kinda cray cray out there. I’m saying this as an admin for a popular musicians facebook group and holy lord has that shaved years off my fucking life, but that’s another story for another time.

I dunno, man. I wasn’t there at the Toronto Russ show obviously, but I have seen the messy online drama about this that now has Russ fans making some deeply concerning and racist statements about indigenous people, and also has people on the other side telling Russ to die. Neither of these things are helpful, or beneficial in this situation.

A person on facebook KB wrote a statement on facebook suggesting that indigenous people stop gifting sacred cultural items to famous people and I both disagree and agree with the statement. I understand not gifting people things and that being a reaction to incidents like this. I really do. I’ve gifted beadwork I’ve made for people only to find it at the thrift store later, it hurts man.
But at the same time, gifting, and this sharing is part of indigenous culture, part of the community. In many ways and for me at least, it’s how I show a very deep love.

I tend to not communicate great, especially in person. Being on the spectrum, I struggle to put into words a lot of my feelings (it’s one of the reasons I write and take photographs, and yes, do beadwork), and these things help me to show a very deep special part of my love to someone or something.

Beading takes hours, sometimes hundreds of hours to do, and it’s so very sacred.
I feel very in touch with a deeply personal part of myself and who I am and where I come from when I am beading. The medallion in question, was, as well, just achingly beautiful.

I guess I don’t have solutions for this, likely because there isn’t really one.
I did want to say that while I’m not here to tell you to stop listening to Russ or his music, there’s a ton of cool indigenous rap and hip-hop artists out there that deserve support and to be heard.

The Halluci Nation (formerly A Tribe Called Red)
Snotty Nose Rez Kids
Drezus
Supaman
Nataanii Means

and of course

Antoine Edwards Jr who had this to say:

There’s more, of course, but those are good places to start.

I also want to say that, straight up, I’m always accepting gifts, beadwork, poems, stickers, love notes, kind words, food, coffee, tobacco, and heck, I’ll take your old gitch/panties too why not. Or you can follow me on Insta, that works too.

Here’s a beadwork piece I’ve been working on (and it’s hip hop related – the logo for the Random Bastards Swedish hip hop collective). I’ve been calling this guy the deadly spov.

Anyways, that’s it. Rant over.

Chii Miigwech

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July 13, 2025 0

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Ethel Cain – Fuck Me Eyes

Damn. Sometimes, I get a little nervous when an artist I deeply love and respect puts out a new song and I have to kinda get in the best position to listen to it and it’s always the same – alone, headphones on, blissed out usually with some incense going. I get so fluttery and nervous because I’m anxious to know how I will physically feel when I hear the new piece. I’m not even fucking around when I say that “Fuck Me Eyes” just hit me. It’s definitely a drive a few km over the speed limit wearing heart shaped glasses smoking a cigarette vibes.

If you’re lurked around here, you’ll know I’m a huge fucking Ethel Cain fan and I’m OG, hanging around like a bad cold since those sordid Carpet Bed days, before the monumental rise to fame that she’s had (and deserves).
I even took some experimental photos for her at her first ever Vancouver, BC, Canada stop in 2022 (fuck, how has it been almost three fucking years). Ever since I first heard Ethel Cain, I’ve felt so intensely like the music spoke right to me. I come from a background of some pretty significant religious trauma, something not unfamiliar to many queer and POC youth. Hearing Ethel Cain, I was like, “yeah, finally someone gets it”.
I was fresh from a traumatic brain injury when I did the photos in 2022 and I even got to meet Hayden (Ethel Cain) and I really could have died happy that day, I’m telling you.

I’ve appreciated all of the work so far (yes, even Perverts) and on July 2, 2025 she released “Fuck Me Eyes”, the second single from her upcoming “Willoughby Tucker, I’ll Always Love You”, following up the single “Nettles”.

“Fuck Me Eyes” connects the previous lore of Preacher’s Daughter that tells the doomed tale of the character of Ethel Cain, leading up to her murder and ascent to Heaven. “Fuck Me Eyes” is a song from the perspective of high school aged Ethel Cain (and the rest of the town of Shady Grove), sung to a sometime rival for the attention of Willoughby Tucker – Holly. As in her previous work, Ethel is proven to be somewhat of an unreliable narrator, and as a listener, I immediately was wondering about the character of Holly – is she the femme fatale romantic rival? Most likely, no, and Holly is likely simply representative of Ethel’s own insecurity and the rumours that can circulate around girls who are coming of age (something that Hayden herself later confirmed).

I remember so vividly the first rumours that spread about me in high school – I was a fifteen year old virgin who hadn’t even kissed a boy(or girl), and suddenly a rumour went around that I was a.. gasp… A SLUT.
It was utterly baseless, of course. But I was the weird girl who dressed in vintage black dresses in a conservative Canadian small town. I like poetry and painted my nails black and I listened to The Cure and Joy Division. I didn’t fit in, aside from amongst a group of youth-group metalhead weirdos who spent our time smoking stolen cigarettes and drinking endless cups of black coffee at the local Denny’s. But suddenly I was this “bad girls”. Girls would whisper about me, and the boys would too. Grown adults in my community reported back to my parents about my “behaviour” (like what behaviour Janice? The fact that I read Stephen King books on a tie dyed blanket in the front yard and your gross little scrote of a son couldn’t stop pulling his pud about it? fuck off), and I remember feeling so powerless. That’s some cosmic shit, man, the first time you really realize the power of shitty people and their shitty words.

I remember too, how powerful it was to gossip about other girls. Girls fighting in the dirtiest way that our socialization allows us to – tearing each other apart for sport.

Anyways, here’s the lyrics:

She really gets around town in her old Cadillac
In her mom’s jeans that she cut to really show off her ass
She’s got her makeup done, and her high heels on
She’s got her hair up to God, she’s gonna get what she wants
Her nails are heartbreak red ’cause she’s a bad motherfucker
And all the boys wanna love her when she bats her
Fuck me eyes

She goes to church (She goes to church) straight from the clubs
Thеy say she looks just like her momma bеfore the drugs
She just laughs and says, “I know” (I know), “She really taught me well
She’s no good at raising children, but she’s good at raising Hell”
Her daddy keeps her in a box, but it’s no good
The boys can’t get enough of her, and her honey
Fuck me eyes

Nowhere to go, she’s just along for the ride (She’s just along)
She’s scared of nothing but the passenger’s side
Of some old man’s truck in the dark parking lot (Parking lot)
She’s just tryna feel good right now
They all wanna take her out
But no one ever wants to take her home

Three years undefeated as Miss Holiday Inn
Posted outside the liquor store ’cause she’s too young to get in
They ask her why she talks so loud (Talks so loud)
“What ya do with all that mouth?” (All that mouth)
Boy, if you’re not scared of Jesus, fuck around and come find out
She’s got the radio blasting with her big white smile (White smile)
Pretty baby with the miles
And when she leaves, they never see her wiping her fuck me eyes

Nowhere to go, she’s just along for the ride (She’s just along)
She’s scared of nothing but the passenger’s side
Of some old man’s truck in the dark parking lot (Parking lot)
She’s just tryna feel good right now
They wanna take her out
But no one ever wants to take her home

Home, but no one ever wants to
Take her home
Oh, no one ever wants to
Take her home
Take her home

I’ll never blame her, I kinda hate her
I’ll never be that kind of angel
I’ll never be kind enough to me
I’ll never blame her for trying to make it
But I’ll never be the kind of angel
He would see

Nowhere to go, she’s just along for the ride
She’s scared of nothing but the passenger’s side
Of some old man’s truck in the dark parking lot (Parking lot)
She’s just tryna feel good right now (Right now)

She really gets around town
She really gets around town
She really gets around town

“Fuck Me Eyes” is definitely less like the Perverts EP from January 2025 and much more in line with the previous hit song “American Teenager” from 2022’s “Preacher’s Daughter” and I love it, honestly. In between the Swedish hip hop I can’t shut my goddamn mouth about, it’s just “Fuck Me Eyes” over and over again. It’s such a soaring ballad about being a teenage girl, growing up too fast with all the pressures of society, church, one’s parents, one’s school and community and friends. It’s about growing up, and realizing the true despair inherent in becoming an adult. It’s about realizing both the power and inherent lack of power in your own sexuality and feeling chained by it. I remember these feelings well.

It’s so cringe to say, but this song makes me so very emotional, not unlike Ethel’s other work that has reduced me to tears like at Seattle’s Day In Day Out Festival in 2023 where I photographed the show once again for Miss Ethel. Shout out to the other concert goer that day who just held me while I held her and we just cried the whole goddamn way through Sun Bleached Flies. I don’t remember your name, but damn, somedays I’d give anything to live that show over again and just us holding each other, two people connected for just a moment over something so powerful in that burning heat. I luv u – if you read this somehow, please reach out.

Anyways this song is fucking amazing and if you disagree, well that’s fine, it’s fine to have an opinion even if it’s the wrong one. Everyone has a right to be wrong. Get wrecked. Here’s the video:

Ethel Cain is going on tour. Tickets are sold out, so best of luck trying to get them.

VANCOUVER 2025 <3

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You can find Robin on Instagram

July 9, 2025 0

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Erk – Sichuan

Greetings friends – how’s your fuckin’ week goin’ there, eh, bud? It’s hotter than Hell over here in the old desert city and with that in mind, I figured I’d drop some heat on y’all with a FIRE New Music Alert that is quite literally bringing the heat, the spice… the, uh… the melange…… the dressed all over and zesty mordant. Ok, I’ll stop.

So ANYWAYS, anyone who listens to the podcast or has followed the fuckery over here on DIAG will know I’ve been going through this whole weird life journey where I listen to a LOT of Swedish hip-hop and have started playing Magic: The Gathering. It’s like this whole vibe. Anywho, I’m super into Random Bastards right now – this Umeå based collective of creators who make music, films, and all kinds of random fuckery informed by a North Sweden sentiment called “Dirty North” overlaid with a kind of punk rock DIY. I’m way into it. So, the RB crew consists of numerous artists and one of them is Trainspotters, a duo consisting of Erk and Kap. They’ve released hip hop in Swedish and English and, over the past several years, Erk has been releasing solo material. His new track “Sichuan” dropped a few weeks back complete with a music video that looks a little bit like that time I decided to chase down some heart break with a few strawberry daiquiris and a couple Ambien and entered the shadow realm and challenged my sleep paralysis demon to a rap battle (i lost).

ANYWAY! Erk’s new track “Sichuan” is from his new EP Stállu 3D which also released a little bit ago (and yes I’ll write a bit about the whole thing, but just let me get up in the kitchen and act a damn fool and talk about Sichuan first). This track is similar to past work from Erk, the beat is generally upbeat, the track itself is tight and well produced (I guess hard to fuck up when you know good producers and are talented so idk), and he has such a decent flow – I actually find his voice to be pretty smooth and soothing in this weird way? Like I’m churning out reports at work just vibing to Swedish hip hop and its such a nice way to get through a work day, just this calm chill vibe. Also it’s always neat to get weird looks when people at the office ask what I’m listening to.

I will say, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed Sichuan mainly based around the lyrical content naming spicy food, and it’s like fuck yeah brother, I also love bibimbap. However, speaking from personal experience, going into a Korean restaurant and saying “just fuck me up” when they ask “how spicy” is generally a poorly thought out idea.

Lyrically, I think, it’s one of the reasons I like Trainspotters/Erk’s work so much – songs are either like.. honestly kind of whimsical and light hearted and silly referencing Pettsson and Findus (a Swedish children’s book about a farmer and his cat having adventures which is honestly king shit tbh. I also want to hang out with my cat and wear suspenders and a big fuck off hat you know), spicy food you like eating, hanging with your friends and doing hood rat shit, and then on the other side the lyrics get actually fairly dark pondering on the meaning of life, death, reflecting on people who have died young and how that death has changed you. I think I appreciate the dichotomy of these two kinds of lyrics like being a bit of a clown, having joy and whimsy, and then exploring some honestly dark night of the soul kind of shit. There needs to be balance in the force, if you will. Too much whimsy and you become Weird Al, not enough whimsy and then you’re like in a one man DSBM project, you call your shows rituals and you post VERY passionately on Reddit. Neither are great roads to be on, especially long term. I myself identify with the sad clown paradox, but that’s a whole other post for whole other ass time.

I see myself reflected in these lyrics and like I wrote in my Axel Ruby love letter, I think it’s such a powerful way to connect with people from different locations, cultures, and languages. Not to get all MDMA-entheogen-raver-Vicks-Vapo-Rub-in-your-face “what are you passionate about, man?” on you, but isn’t it kind of beautiful for rap made in the Northern part of Sweden to get so seen and so understood by so many people from around the world? I’m just a fucking clown taking the shape of a Canadian girl on the West Coast (more like Best Coast, fuckers), and Erk’s work hits me very hard. I’ve seen people from all over the goddamn world into this stuff, like I’m talking dudes in India just chillin’ to some Trainspotters and that’s cool as hell to me and there’s clearly a reason – I could wax idiotic about it, but really I think at the end of it all, it comes down to real recognizing real. Maybe it’s self centered of me to say, but there’s a lot of music I just don’t enjoy because I don’t see myself in it, or I don’t see a real person inside of it. A lot of things seem very corporate and vapid and not to get all corny, seem to lack heart, you know? I like a lot of songs and media where I can go, “yeah man, I’ve been there”, where you end up feeling a little bit less alone in this godforsaken world we all live in.

There’s certain lines from certain Trainspotters/Erk tracks that I feel are so deeply affecting. I guess it sounds a lil cringe and parasocial, but like I’ve written about before – grief and loss are very alienating emotions. When we go through them, we often end up feeling really alone and disconnected. I, personally, live for moments where I feel connected as a human to someone else in their humanness and that’s how I feel with a lot of Erk’s work, and truly a lot of what I listen to in Random Bastards. I mean, pardon the autistic ranting a little bit here, as I do feel like maybe I’m become repetitive, but it’s been a while since I’ve found music like this that just hits you know? And then the feral urge to play it on repeat takes over and now I’ve got the rest of DIAG pointing out Axel Ruby lookalikes on the podcast.

Don’t get me wrong, I love listening to drill rap about doing crimes and shit or black metal about like… Satan and burning churches and making albums over the phone from jail, but I really just love the whimsy and sometimes overt silliness that comes through in Random Bastards’s work as a whole and this comes through across many of the artists that work in this collective. I wrote a little about this in regards to Axel Ruby. And sometimes, man, I just wanna hear about the shit you’re getting up to, like in this case, enjoying some spicy fucking ramen and bibimbap and Wu-Tang. Fire as hell and also relatable.

As I’m Canadian, I’m reminded a line from Trailer Park Boys (of which I quote here with only deep love and respect in my heart) in which Cory and Trevor are clowning on J-Roc, saying he should rap about what he knows, which is eating peanut butter sandwiches.

Mark Twain said, “write what you know”, and Charles Bukowski famously wrote

“don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.”

What’s it mean? Deep stuff, Ricky.

I’d apologize for hittin all y’all with two Trailer Park Boys memes in one article, but you know, I’m not gonna. It will happen again. And like, come the fuck on, here, bud.. I’m Canadian – we’ve got like three TV shows here… Trailer Park Boys, Corner Gas, and like… Hockey Night in Canada. What the hell do you want from us? It’s crawling with Canada geese here, our favourite coffee tastes like a mix of motor oil and moose piss, and we throw maple syrup on the snow for fun.

Anyways…

Sincerity goes a long way for me in terms of the media I like, and again, Erk hit this one (Sichuan) out of the park for me. Like bro, what the fuck, let’s get some bibimbap and vibe. Tell me your stories – they seem fun and interesting – the whole collective of Random Bastards tbh just seems chill and rad as fuck.

Also, Robin confession time…

I should also say that I practice my Swedish by writing out Random Bastards lyrics in Swedish and then I practice translating into English. I’m sure if anyone found my notebooks they’d assume I was like Bart Simpson writing lines in detention or like… John Doe in that movie Se7en. Beats Duolingo, I guess and just think when I finally lose my shit and build a Killdozer and end up on the news, the cops can find my notebooks full of Swedish hip hop lyrics and have to spend thousands of tax payer dollars translating it, only to find out it’s all rants about spicy foods and farmers with yellow hats and their cats getting up to mischief. I hope they get someone cool to play me in the Netflix docudrama that True Crime podcasters can discuss ad nauseum afterwards. Anyone but Lena Dunham, please god, please.

Anyways. The song is out, the EP is out, the video is out. Merch is available here.

Check them out or we finna have beef.. It might be spicy ginger beef, but is gone be beef all the same

Anyways, Hejdå, fuckers. Until next time.

..
……
………

Okay, so, did Erk and Alexander Skarsgård coordinate the lime green thing over the phone? Does the same brain cell that controls the thoughts and behaviours of all Canadians that makes us riot over hockey and feel very strongly about Tim Hortons also send thoughts to all Swedes out there? Was this thought just an utterance of the words “lime green” and all the Swedes out there just began feeling super strongly about bright green?

Keep your fuckin’ heads on a swivel out there, boys.

*X files music plays in the distance*

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You can find Robin on Instagram

July 2, 2025 0

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Cleo – “pew pew pew”

Hello there my precious baby angels, how are you?
How’s things? It’s summer here in desert city, meaning it’s getting super spicy outside, folks are wearing not a lot of clothing, people yell in the park a lot, the alleys smell like beer and piss and teenagers flock to the mall in droves to annoy everyone for a couple months. Good times, right?
Anywho, since it’s summer, it’s about time we crown the anthem of the summer/summer fuckjam, and really, to be honest, without question, Imma have to give it to Cleo’s “pew pew pew”.

Don’t know Cleo (Cleo Missaoui)? Well, don’t you worry your sweet precious little faces about it, because imma explain. She’s a Swedish hip-hop artist and part of Random Bastards (you know, that creative collective based out of Umeå that I can’t seem to stop howling about? as can be seen here and also here and probably soon in more places because if my particular brand of autism is anything to go by, I do love picking a subject and sticking to it for a while, I’m like a dog (bitch, really) with a bone.)

Which, like, yeah, ok, that’s technically true, but also, I find the collective’s work to be super interesting and meaningful. Huh, imagine liking something just because it’s neat, right? What a time to be alive. Cleo’s been at the game for a while, and she’s gained some pretty decent fame in Sweden (clearly well deserved like holy fuck the girl has talent), and personally, I’ve just gotta fangirl for a quick sec – I just think she’s not only really talented but she also just seems super cool and funny and like.. gorgeous to boot? Little ol me is a sucker for a cute babe who’s got bars and jokes, ya know?

I first came to know her music a while back when I made friends with a Swede who introduced me to her stuff and the whole of Random Bastards, I guess. I was at a pretty shitty point in my life which I’m not gonna get into here, because that’s a whole other post for another time – you know the typa shit you write in your diary and then set said diary on fire afterwards and send up heathen prayers to the heavens? yeah that typa vibe.

The first Cleo song I heard was one she did with Academics (ACADEMICS!) called “Hejdå” which is “Goodbye” in Sweeblish for all you uncultured fucking swine (just kidding just kidding) and it’s a baby bit of a sad one, got some faded love, difficult goodbye, feeling a lil stuck vibes. I ain’t gonna translate the lyrics for you because you all have fucking Google or you can go do what I do and get emotionally abused by Duolingo.

I really liked it. Like, really liked it. I even named a photograph displayed in one of the art shows I take part in from time to time after a line from “Hejdå”. You know how sometimes you find some music or a film or some piece of media that you kinda missed out on and then you run across it and you’re just like “fuck yes, this is exactly the thing I need” and it’s just this cool kinda warm feeling you get and you’re like ok, now I’m way into this and I’m really glad I found it, it means a lot to me. I think about stuff like this a lot, mostly when my medication need a dose change, but like, sometimes it really is just so cool to think about the impact that just average regular people can have on the world, right? Like, I’m just a clown from Canada and I’ve had the distinct privilege to find connection with so much media from so many different people and cultures, and all these stories are just ways for us to connect as human and that’s meaningful to me. I grew up in a small town in Canada and I’ve often feel so alienated by a lot of media because I just don’t relate to it, it just doesn’t vibe, ya know, and so when I do find things like Cleo it’s very meaningful for me.

I’ve also really liked the rest of Cleo’s work. She’s done a lot of collaborations – obviously she works with Alexander Juneblad/Academics (ACADEMICS!) a lot, she guests on the Axel Ruby track “Blunda”, Trainspotters, etc etc – she’s a very prolific lady. And – she’s got a fun, kind of in your face style as well and I appreciate that – from one loud incorrigible woman to another. She’s also a proud momma, and I think that should also be a testament to her – she’s managed a career in music and media and also has children (who she clearly fucking adores). I think that’s really cool.

So anyways, she released “pew pew pew” and the accompanying gong show of a music video about a month ago and I’d like to tell you a cool story about why I haven’t written this piece sooner, like maybe I was on a spirit quest up in the mountains and got beaver-fever after drinking creek water and communed with some Canadian geese for a while and joined a cult, but really, I was busy fucking your momma and she just can’t get enough (kidding, kidding). But, sometimes life gets a little weird sometimes and it’s hard to write “haha” jokes when you feel like shit.

Anyways the song is a certified banger, it’s wild, some of the bars are just *chefs kiss* amazing such as:

“Tanga om jag måste jo, men aldrig en thong
För du vet, min booty gotta breathe, säg till sisco he’s wrong”

which is

“(???) if I must, but never a thong,
for you know my booty gotta breathe, say to Sisqo he’s wrong”

and also:

“Enda drip jag har urinläckage”

which is

“the only drip I have is urine leakage” (not sure if she’s referencing squirting here but either way its amazing)

Also, the music video is like that one time I had a party at this punk house I used to live in that was a falling down Victorian era mansion, and it was Halloween and a bunch of Australian people showed up(?) and I was dressed like a big ass goat, and they wouldn’t stop talking about sheep and I thought they were talking shit but actually they were talking about seeing Bighorn sheep and they brought a bunch of pineapple and we had a crust punk band play in my living room and then the fire brigade showed up and they weren’t even mad about it, because like how mad can you get at a woman dressed like a goat high on a horrific shit mix of psychedelic drugs eating pineapple while a bunch of Australian people do keg stands in the background? Also a hot girl wearing a string bikini asked one of the firemen if he was a stripper and he seemed very delighted with that, so idk. Party til I die, just like Cleo said.

Part of me wants to say this kind of reminds of the Swedish version of Die Antwoord, but like, Random Bastards are way fucking cooler and seem very much less problematic so let’s erase that thought from the old memory bank. Also this is a party I’d actually like to be at, straight up.

I read from Cleo that she wanted the music video to be essentially a big ass BBQ at her house where everyone came in costume and dressed as exaggerated versions of themselves and just got super weird with it and honestly it’s pretty great. It’s got a bunch of the Random Bastards crew chillin:

Like, artist Marc UA afloat in a pool filled with cans of Monster, which btw, if you ever need to “Of Mice and Men”, “tell me about the rabbits” me, that’s how I wanna go, just saying. If they ever send me to GITMO, they can waterboard me with Monster white:

Also, Marc is like.. super fucking rad? He did this amazing piece of Cleo in her “pew pew pew” outfit and sold it as prints at the Mästerbotten festival and they’re like.. fucking perfect?

I definitely purchased one of these and if you catch me building an altar and worshipping it like a false idol or like something out of the end of The Blackcoat’s Daughter, you mind your own goddamn business, got it?

The video also features graveyard fave Axel Ruby doing his best Pugsley Addams cosplay

oh sorry axel, i didn’t recognize you from that angle

or singer Ayla looking like she’s in a Final Fantasy game set somewhere in Eastern Europe:

or photographer Ebba Lange channelling some American Mary (2012) vibes:

or Nicole Saboune serving some VampireFreaks.com era realness:

And like obviously everyone else involved in the video. It’s fun, it’s well made, I’ve been laughing about it since it came out so job well done.

Anyways I feel like I’ve ranted a lot here about this song/video and Imma shut up now so you can use your eyeballs and earballs and big beautiful brain and go allow the video to take over your brainworms, you can thank me later etc.

You can follow Cleo on insta, you can check out Random Bastards or follow them on insta – they’ve got new music coming out at a pretty good clip, so there’s always something new and exciting happening it seems. Cleo also has new music coming out this week and I’ll probably talk about that too (god help us).

Hejdå, fuckers!

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You can find Robin on Instagram

June 16, 2025 0

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Viggo Nobis – Kyrie / Skyhook (Swedish hip-hop)

Greetings friends. Can you tell that my psychiatric medication cocktail and court-ordered counselling have started to kick in? I’ve posted more shit in the past week than it seems like in forever. Well, that’s what happens when everything around you turns to shit and you take a lot of Benadryl. What can I say? I’m Moshfegh-pilled.

Anyways! I’m here to chat about some more music, because hey why not. As I mentioned before in my weird love letter to Axel Ruby and Academics which you can read here, I’m way into Random Bastards right now. So, as I mentioned before, they’re a creative collective out of Umeå, Sweden and they make all kinds of stuff – skate/snowboard videos, deranged shit about eagles flying through space to caked up shirtless twinks, hip-hop, photography, merch, really the whole DIY thing mixed in with some Scandinavian sensibility, wrapped in some West Coast hip-hop style. I’m really into their.. shall we say, stable of artists and I’ve been pretty much just going through the catalog while I’m scrubbing cat puke out of the carpet and working. Their latest offering from Friday May 16, 2025 is a new kid on the apparent block – Viggo Nobis who dropped two tracks (with the help of Philly and Josef Slunge) – Kyrie (yes, Kyrie Irving) and Skyhook. Both are good, though Kyrie really seemed to be the one to do it for me idk.

I liked the production, the beat, and the whole vibe. Viggo seems way into it and hungry and I do appreciate people who rap about broccoli so that’s neat. What’s cool about the rap is that its a bit of a blend of Swedish and English – but it goes at a good clip so you’ll have to listen a few times to pick out the words you’re looking for, but even if you can’t just sit and vibe out. Like I said before, most of our listeners/readers/lovers/haters listen to hella metal, so music that’s not in English isn’t a huge issue around here, but I do challenge English speakers who might balk at checking out some Swedish hip-hop – this is a pretty good entry to it, as there’s lots of words in English and if you’re into the overall vibe – Trainspotters have songs in English so don’t be afraid – give yourselves over to the land of cinnamon buns and IKEA and you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised.

Random Bastards seem to be dropping new music at a pretty good rate, so I’ll probably be yelling about their shit again. You can find Viggo on Insta alongside Random Bastards.

If you’re into Swedish shit, hip hop or both, these new tracks might be for you.

Kyrie:

Skyhook:

Anyways, Hejdå, fuckers. Until next time.

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You can find Robin sadposting and 35mm film photomaxxing on Instagram

May 16, 2025 0

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Before The Dawn – “Fatal Design” (Finnish melodic death metal)

Oh, hi, friends. How’s your work week going? Ever gone to take your vitamins in the morning and shortly after, you realize you took a microdose of shrooms and now everything’s sparkly and you wanna tell the guy at the coffee shop all about your life story? No? Just me? Well, alright then. Some of us are out here raw dogging life, unfettered by these so-called social rules you all seem to live and die by.

Anywho, I’m here with another new music alert, because, dang, I’ve been a busy little Canadian over here listening to all sorts of music to drown out the sorrow.

Finnish melodic death metal act “Before The Dawn” are releasing their new single “Fatal Design” on May 16, 2025 and currently have a music video for it up on YouTube. I gave it a listen because you all know how I feel about the Finnish, I love ‘em. This song is pretty good, tight production as per usual, and keeps in line with a lot of other melodic death metal acts I’ve heard – aka it’s not really doing anything new, but I liked it all the same.

The video was pretty good too – standard performance video in black and white with lots of tr00 headbanging and stuff, and close ups of dude’s hands playing instruments, which I find erotic, so y’all can keep that flavour of metal artistry coming. I gotta say tho, the headbanging really reminds of that scene in the first Ace Ventura movie where Cannibal Corpse is playing and honestly it’s kinda charming. See I’ve been kinda lost in the sauce of weird sad folk music lately and while I love that shit, I find myself getting a lil sad and in my cups about certain songs and artists and it’s why I’ve been checking out more metal lately – metal for me is the ultimate get stuff done, clean the house, gym bro, write a few reports kind of music, because I just let it happen and don’t get too feely-mealy about it, you know?

No thoughts, just riffs.

Also try as I might there’s just something about a metal guy that really gets the old juices flowing.

I’d apologize for that remark but I’m not sorry and it will happen again. Get off my lawn.

Anyways Before the Dawn is pretty cool and I liked this song.

Check it out – video on YouTube.

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You can find Robin sadposting and 35mm film photomaxxing on Instagram

May 16, 2025 0