Sweat Lodge, Ceremony, Serendipity, and Schur’s “Cactus”

Hey friends. How’s things?

I haven’t been around in a lil, because I’ve been up to all kinds of hijinks, and I felt like maybe I should share some of it with you. There’s this meme I repost sometimes and it’s pretty funny and it kinda describes how things have been going, better than me click clacking away.

Hahaha, anyways – yeah, things have actually been going pretty good lately, which is maybe why I haven’t been here at the old click clackers, ya know. I feel a lot better than I have in actually quite some time and I’m gonna tell you a little about why I think that is, and I’m also back to wax idiotic about a new song I heard that hit me like a fucking lightning bolt at the exact time I needed it (and it’s a banger fr bro, trust).

SOoooo – I’ve been going through it right? My life for the last like five years has been haunted by a stream of horrific shit, and more fucking mysteries than Unsolved Mysteries and things have gotten pretty dark at points – you know those moments where the leather belt and the back of the bathroom door seems like a real good idea? Or like you wanna go stand in the rain all emo like and smoke cigarettes you light off the previous one you smoked. I’ve gotten UP IN some misery these last few years, lemme tell ya. Just mainlining it, pretty well.

That’s not to say I haven’t been doing a shitload of personal work behind the scenes – because I have and I think that’s what makes it hard too, because like, you’re trying to get better and you end up in the fucking weeds and all of a sudden you get filled to the brim with therapy talk, EMDR, gratitude journaling which seems hokey when there isn’t much to feel grateful for, radical self acceptance, ecstatic yoga (whatever the fuck that is), “slow mornings”, slapping old dirty beef tallow on your ass, the list goes on really. What people don’t really tell you about doing personal work is that it’s a fucking slog and it sucks and it’s painful and once you’re up to your knees in it, the only way out, is through – much like Hell.

And insults keep stacking up too, while you’re doing that work. A couple months ago, my friend Katie died of breast cancer, and I’ve been really struggling with that and I really began to have a crisis of faith about it. When she died, I felt like there was really not much good in the world anymore.

So, about a month ago now, I was invited to participate in a sweat lodge ceremony that was happening for indigenous women/femme identifying folks in my area, and I signed up immediately, agreeing to go with a friend who had just lost her sister (also my friend) to a drug overdose. We were both really hurting and in many ways, we still are. But, doing this together, was one of the most healing things I think I’ve personally done in my life.

So.. what’s sweat lodge, some of you may be asking – well, it’s a ceremony with origins in many indigenous cultures and it looks a lil like this:

from https://www.muiniskw.org/pgCulture2d.htm

It’s a dome structure, usually made of willow, covered with tarps and blankets, slightly dug into the earth. A sacred fire is kept outside and rocks known as “grandfathers” are heated by the fire and put into the lodge where sacred herbs and medicines are placed on the heated rocks along with sacred water containing various medicines, and the whole thing basically becomes a sauna and the fabric door is closed. It’s pitch black inside. The ceremony is led by an esteemed Elder who knows the land and songs and prayers and participants go inside and sing, share prayers, share grief, cry, scream, and otherwise engage in healing and with the sacred – everyone on their own terms. The goal of the sweat is to well, make you sweat, and allow you a space to be “reborn”. The lodge itself is to mimic the womb of Mother Nature and you crawl on your hands and knees inside to be with her and inside her. When you climb out, it is, in a way, like being reborn.

I had previous done a very junior version of sweat lodge when I was in university and it was nothing like the ceremony I attended a month ago. I know I run a ha-ha podcast and shitpost a lot online and do a lot of fucking around, but I mean it when I say that I still really don’t have a ton of words for what happened to me there and maybe, really I never will and that’s ok. All I can say is that literally, metaphorically, emotionally and physically – I feel different, lighter.

I attended ceremony on a hot day, and in between the heat of my desert city, the heat of the lodge, the spiritual and literal purging I did, I came home completely filthy, stinking of fire and creek water and feeling exhausted and free. It was easily one of the highest, most psychedelic and transformative experiences I’ve ever had. The Elder who led the ceremony was beautiful, this strong matriarch, firm and gentle all at once, and I felt seen by her.

As I drove home from ceremony, wordless and stupefied, back into cellphone service and billboards, a song came on my Spotify recommended – Schur’s “Cactus”. Here’s the lyrics:

I should
Meditate in traffic
I could
Vegetate in my hatchback
Hit the
DMV for practice practice
Waiting in line under hospital lights
Meditate in traffic
I could
Elevate in my hatchback
If I’d
Take a bite of the cactus I would see

Cómo te llamas
Welcome to Oaxaca (hola)
Finally getting settled
Put my clothes on the cama
When I see him outside he’s floating out the trees
He’s got a rattlesnake necklace and another made of beads
Swinging down to his knees
Mr. Spirituality never had such steez
Caballero please
Take me back to the bush show me how you came to be
Believe me the juice requires more than a squeeze

What the fuck does that mean
He could sense I’d never seen
He could sense I was a skeptic hectic
Shithead restless
Driving too fast through Connecticut so

I should
Meditate in traffic (so)
I could
Vegetate in my hatchback (so)
Hit the
DMV for practice practice
Waiting in line under hospital lights (so)
Meditate in traffic (so)
I could
Elevate in my hatchback (so)
If I’d
Take a bite of the cactus I would see

Sundown and we sit down and he sets out his hammock
Makes no convo just unfolds a leather pouch with cactus
Brews a sweet tea and peacefully hands a heap to me in ceramic
Takes a small sip and starts to chant some ritual in Spanish
Now I’ve done this already in an apartment in college
And I don’t think that the psychedelic will psyche me out to be calmer
But it turns out that the cactus was a way to make me vomit
He wanted to bring on discomfort so I could finally find my pocket

What the fuck does that mean
He could sense I was green
He could sense I was a skeptic hectic
Shithed restless
Driving too fast through Connecticut so

And damn, ok, just fucking @ me next time. Holy shit.

Nevermind that I, too, have taken a few bites of the cactus (and also vomited out my soul while at it, I see you Schur). The lyrics just hit about meeting a spiritual Elder and feeling seen, understood and guided at the same time. I had been trying to think about what it meant to me to be seen by that Elder and this song just kinda said it for me. I guess that’s the beauty of Serendipity, but like, what luck to happen across this artistry when I really needed it. I’ve written kinda countless times now about how music means a lot to me, I mean yeah no fucking shit, look around at this website.. but more recently I’ve talked about how much I’ve just FELT certain music and how it’s meant a lot to me. I say it again, but I grew up feeling so alienated from other people. A lot of times I fucking swear I’ve felt like some kind of alien rather than a person ya know? When I find moments where I can connect with someone, as a human having a human experience, I find these moments to be very fufilling. This is what happened when I heard Schur’s “Cactus” and I have to say, I’d never heard of the guy before.

This is him:

He’s a musician from Connecticut and I really dig his stuff, but most especially “Cactus” – the lyrics especially just hit hit hit. I think he’s really cool and he’s been busy on insta posting some travel content and I think he’s cool as fuck. Not to get all Marge Simpson up in this bitch, but I just think he’s neat and if you’re feeling like it, you could check him out on his website or on insta.

Sometimes, you just need a sunny day, some ceremony, some serendipity and that one song, and things can change for the better. I feel like that happened with me and I’ve been feeling really great lately. So thanks to Schur and the sacred, and I’ll see you fuckers around.

So – Schur, if you read this – thanks? I needed it, and thank you for making it – from one skeptic, hectic, restless shithead to another.

k anyways bye

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Be sure to follow Drunk in a Graveyard on Facebook, especially for more information about our ongoing events with Kamloops Film Society and you can find us shitposting over on our Instagram. We are not currently active on any other social media.

August 10, 2025 0

Episode 197 | The Podcast’s Husband

Episode 197 – our first ever memorial episode for Drunk in a Graveyard is dedicated to the podcast’s husband, graveyard fave, Hogfather of forever – Michael Madsen who died from a heart attack on July 3, 2025. He was 67 years old at the time of his passing. He will be remembered as a character actor, Robin’s future ex-husband, a poet, and much more. We raise our glasses in his name by rewatching Free Willy (1993) and discuss being whale crazy in the 1990s, the infamous trope of the “mystical indian” from the perspective of an indigenous person, having whale warts, getting Marlboro reds in Heaven and more. In commemoration of Michael Madsen and his role of a hot dad in Free Willy, we release our episode on July 16, 2025 – 32 years to the day of the release of Free Willy. We also spend some time doing a poetry reading of some of Michael Madsen’s poetry and discuss the meanings inherent in his large body of work. The graveyard crew wishes only to say that we loved you, Mike, and we love you still. You better keep Heaven nice and sexy for us, and we’ll see you when we get there.

Michael Søren Madsen (September 25, 1957 – July 3, 2025)

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“Kill,Kill,Kill” by Coyote Hearing is licensed under CC BY 3.0
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Be sure to follow us on Facebook, especially for more information about our ongoing events with Kamloops Film Society and you can find us shitposting over on Instagram. We are not currently active on any other social media.

July 16, 2025 0

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Jocke – “16 Takter” (feat. Johanna Sjöholm)

Hihi babies. I’m comin outta my cave and I’ve been… doing just fine I guess. Anyways, I’ve been writing a whole bunch about the comings and goings of some Swedish musicians I like, which has caused some very interesting interactions on the Drunk in a Graveyard Instagram where Swedish peeps will see I’ve been waxing idiotic about Swedish music and then follow the account only to be greeted by the high end autism of three weirdoes from Canada (but luckily the Swedes are into it, because they’re weird in the same way Canadians are.. something about living in a frozen country full of snow etc makes us all a little cracked I think).

Anyways, I met a Swede on Insta recently who’s a musician and also way into Random Bastards. His name is Joakim Holmqvist and he goes by Jocke online and just released a song called “16 takter” featuring Johanna Sjöholm. I gotta say, I love it. Something about the Swedish vocals alongside a little lapsteel sound just sent me in the best way and the lyrics (most of which I can understand now, go me and my shitty Swedish lessons) are a little sad lovesick lost romance unrequited love and anyone who knows me knows I’m a real sad bitch and I get all twisted up over stuff like this.

Here’s the lyrics in Swedish:

16 takter, säger nåt jag inte sagt än
16 takter, säger något vackert
16 takter, där jag tappar mig själv
i 16 takter står själen på glänt
Mottot är det går som det går,
Men det går sisådär när jag står där jag står
Något stulet, något vackert, 16 takter
Säger nåt jag inte sagt än  (my fave lines – “something stolen, something beautiful, say something I haven’t said yet”

Kan 16 takter vara mer än bara ord?
Kan 2 meter ner vara mer än bara jord?
Kan rosor vara mer än bara blad?
Kan vi två vara mer än bara du och jag?
Svaren finns i frågan, men jag ser dem inte
Jag har letat så långt jag ser men hittar inget,
Om mening finns i 18 tomma ord,
Kan det vara så att vi är mer än bara jord?

Du vet att tystnad en dag skadar oss
Å dom ord som sårar minst är dom vi gömmer bort
Kan ordet säga mer än tusen bilder?
Kan ordet säga mer än det man ville?
Du vet tanken, som tynger ditt bröst, som gnager i dig och som spräcker din röst, Är det mer än bara energi? Är jag och du mer än bara vi?
Är vi mer än bara kött och ben? Blir själen nånsin ren?

Anyways I like this song and hope Jocke continues to make music and be weird over in Sweebland. For native English speakers – check out the song even if you don’t understand the words. Use Google translate or some shit or just vibe ya know? I’m from Canada and so are most of the readers on this page – go grab a big doobie and light up, ya filthy animals, because I know you do and let those vibes flow.

Anyways!

You can follow him on insta/tiktok/twitter – @jagejocke
He’s on Spotify as Jocke.

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You can find Robin on Instagram

July 14, 2025 0

On Beats, Beads and Beef: rapper Russ and the indigenous medallion drama

I woke up this morning to a message from a friend, asking me what I thought about the “Russ/medallion incident”. I had no fucking clue what they were referring to and looked it up. I also had no idea who Russ was.
So here’s my understanding of this all, and you can be sure to leave me an angry misspelled comment to correct any inaccuracies:

Russ, born Russell James Vitale in 1992, is an American rapper from New Jersey who has risen to a significant amount of fame. He had a part in M. Night Shyamalan’s 2024 film “Trap”, has recently released a book, and his album W!LD was released this year. He performed at a concert on July 12, 2025 in Toronto, ON – a large outdoor show. During the concert, a fan passed out and Russ was alerted to the fan in distress and stopped the show to get them help (Travis Scott could learn from this perhaps but hey what the fuck do I know). A while after this, the story goes that an indigenous woman who was in the stands was trying to get Russ’s attention in order to gift him a hand beaded medallion she had made commemorating his new album W!LD. Members of the audience on the floor assisted the woman to pass the medallion up through the surging crowd, working together to pass it to an indigenous man up front who waved the beadwork piece and allegedly used his phone light to illuminate the piece, to get Russ’s attention in order to give him the piece. This caused Russ to assume another medical emergency was happening.

Russ became angry about this and stopped the show to deliver something of an onstage rant (captured on video and now infamous on the old TikTok) about being disrupted during his performance. During the rant he called the medallion “dumb (he says he said ‘some’, I heard ‘dumb’) shit”, and lectured the audience about respectful behaviour during his show and told the person holding the medallion to “Get a grip”. He did not accept the medallion gift, though he did later accept and hold up a pair of used women’s panties.

The internet, of course, being the internet lit the fuck up when videos of the exchange were posted. Russ went online to defend himself and accused the would be gifters of “faking a medical emergency” in order to get his attention. He called them selfish and stated they wanted to make the show about them and he didn’t like that. He stated he felt “rattled” and upset and that the incident interrupted “an introspective song (Superman)”. He’s made multiple videos on it, he’s been commenting and commenting, and has doubled and tripled down on his behaviour and keeps asserting he was right.

So. Yikes to all of this, right?

It sounds like a shit show and it doesn’t exactly make Russ sound like a great dude. I’d never heard of the guy before all this, and I did check out some of his music and it personally wasn’t for me, but I do get why a lot of people would probably really like it.

I’ll try to be objective though, as I myself stand on stages fairly regularly and even in a room that seats about 500 people, I cant see shit beyond the first few rows with stage lights shining into my eyeballs.
For Russ, it’s possible that what he saw was simply lights and commotion. It’s very likely he didn’t see the medallion at first, or even if he did, that he likely didn’t understand the significance of it. He’s not indigenous and he’s not Canadian.

I can also understand at least in some ways, how Russ may have and likely did feel rattled thinking another medical emergency had occured.

However, my sympathy does dry up a little bit with a lot of Russ’s behaviour after the show specifically around accusing people at the show of “faking a medical emergency”. Those are big words and a big accusation. How do you know that’s what they did tho? There has to be some kind of actual evidence for that.
Sure, they may have had phone lights on, sure. Buuuuuuuuuut, how were they to know that that’s signalling medical emergency? I’ve personally being going to concerts for a very very long time as I’m older than the hills, and I wouldn’t immediately recognize lights flashing to mean that someone was in distress. Maybe he said that to the crowd. I don’t know. To say someone was faking an emergency means you’re saying there was ill intent, malice behind the actions, and I do think it’s likely that there wasn’t malice. Sometimes people just get caught up in a moment. If I was at a show and someone had a gift like that, I’d probably help them try to gift it as well – but I also understand the significance of a piece like this.

I think it’s important to understand that we don’t all communicate in the same language or understand the same signals. There’s a lot of variables that can be at play here. Maybe the people involved in trying to get the medallion to Russ simply were trying to get his attention, simply trying to do something nice and meaningful for the medallion maker, trying to help a clearly devoted fan have a moment with the artist. Maybe they didn’t know what the signalling meant, or how it could be interpreted.
Concerts tend to be busy and chaotic environments and there can be a level of intoxication for performers and attendees alike and I personally find Russ accusing these folks of “faking a medical emergency” to be disingenuous and runs on a lot of assumptions. Momma always said when we assume that it makes an ass of u and me, so… maybe mom was on to something.

I’m willing to offer too that Russ was likely rattled after the moment. Sure. It’s happened to me and I have absolutely nowhere near the fame he has. It doesn’t take much to wreck up the headspace of being on stage and doing a performance. I get it. However, once Russ was confronted with the footage of the incident – a woman and her gift, a crowd trying to pass it forward, etc, and learning of the deep significance of the gift, Russ could have made a statement and said something along the lines of “hey man, sorry about all this, I was kinda freaked out, mistakes happen, I’ve had some time and distance and I’d really like to get the medallion, sorry for the confusion etc”, I’m no publicist, so anything along those lines. Something to smooth things out and mend fences you know?

Sometimes, with apologies, you apologize even if you think you don’t need to. It probably would have meant the world to just say something like that, accept the gift, and be gracious and move the fuck on.

I dislike that Russ felt motivated to bring up previous positive interactions with the indigenous community as if this incident was weightless and he could be granted escape from critique for having previously not been seen to be rude and arrogant about such things to other indigenous people – it reeks of “well I have a ___ best friend” and it’s like bro that’s not the point.

I wonder, too, about the medallion maker and the people who tried to help her get her gift to Russ. How must they be feeling? I couldn’t imagine trying to gift something to someone, or trying to help someone gift something to someone and thinking you’re doing something good and kind and then just like getting a tongue lashing, being made to feel small, less than, embarassed, humiliated, and then the drama gets splashed all over the internet for chuckleheads to dissect in the black and white cognitively distorted thinking that the internet loves.

I’m mixed race indigenous – Anishinaabe/Ukrainian. My father was a residential school survivor and grew up on the Mishkeegogamang reservation in North Western Ontario and I currently reside on the traditional, ancestral and unceded territory of the Tk̓emlúps te Secwépemc. Beading is a very sacred and respected part of indigenous culture (also Ukrainian culture). Because I understand how sacred, meaningful, time consuming and laborious beading and beadwork can be, my immediate reaction to all of this is one of deep hurt and I feel so incredibly sad for the woman who did the beadwork, for the people who helped to take it to the front of the show, and the man who tried to do something kind on behalf of another fan. If, you happen to be reading this, I am so very sorry that this happened to you. Please do not allow this incident and ensuing drama to stop you from beading, shining your culture with pride, and for helping others – this is the way of the indigenous community. You did a good thing. You tried. I truly believe that your hearts were in the right place. My heart goes out to you and I hurt for you and with you.

How could one ever listen to the music again? How could you not feel that little dagger of shame in your heart everytime? I would be so very crushed.

Recently, actually, I tried to gift something to a member of my community – something I had very carefully selected and picked out and saved for just the right occasion and the gift was unequivocally rejected in a deeply hurtful way. That experience changed me. It hurts to even write about it, to be honest. So I think of that and think of this fan and their friends, and other people at the show and think of how this experience must have soured something that once meant a lot.

No, maybe it wasn’t done perfectly, trying to give this gift. But what situation is ever perfect?
Maybe we need to stop tearing the absolute shit out of each other just because we show up to this shit heap of a life in imperfect ways. I’d personally rather have someone show up in an imperfect way with a heart full of good intentions, than for someone to show up perfectly with a heart full of malice.

Holy sweet merciful lord is it that difficult to just make things right and lay off the tough guy rapper shit and just say you’re sorry, accept the gift, use the thing as a teaching moment like hey, maybe you don’t know this but flashing lights makes me think medical emergency?

Merkules, a Canadian rapper, ensures that he takes time out of every stop in Kamloops, BC to visit Jessie Simpson, a Merkules fan who was savagely attacked and left with a severe brain injury and requiring 24/h care after being attacked by a Kamloops vigilante. Merk doesn’t have to do this, but he does it for his fan, and because that’s just who Merk is.

Ice Cube also famously stopped a show to accept a medallion, so like.. my brother.. come the fuck on here.
You’re an artist and when you create, sometimes you just kinda gotta accept that people are going to want to have special moments with you – it means they love you and your work. But I guess that’s easier said than done because damn, some people do be kinda cray cray out there. I’m saying this as an admin for a popular musicians facebook group and holy lord has that shaved years off my fucking life, but that’s another story for another time.

I dunno, man. I wasn’t there at the Toronto Russ show obviously, but I have seen the messy online drama about this that now has Russ fans making some deeply concerning and racist statements about indigenous people, and also has people on the other side telling Russ to die. Neither of these things are helpful, or beneficial in this situation.

A person on facebook KB wrote a statement on facebook suggesting that indigenous people stop gifting sacred cultural items to famous people and I both disagree and agree with the statement. I understand not gifting people things and that being a reaction to incidents like this. I really do. I’ve gifted beadwork I’ve made for people only to find it at the thrift store later, it hurts man.
But at the same time, gifting, and this sharing is part of indigenous culture, part of the community. In many ways and for me at least, it’s how I show a very deep love.

I tend to not communicate great, especially in person. Being on the spectrum, I struggle to put into words a lot of my feelings (it’s one of the reasons I write and take photographs, and yes, do beadwork), and these things help me to show a very deep special part of my love to someone or something.

Beading takes hours, sometimes hundreds of hours to do, and it’s so very sacred.
I feel very in touch with a deeply personal part of myself and who I am and where I come from when I am beading. The medallion in question, was, as well, just achingly beautiful.

I guess I don’t have solutions for this, likely because there isn’t really one.
I did want to say that while I’m not here to tell you to stop listening to Russ or his music, there’s a ton of cool indigenous rap and hip-hop artists out there that deserve support and to be heard.

The Halluci Nation (formerly A Tribe Called Red)
Snotty Nose Rez Kids
Drezus
Supaman
Nataanii Means

and of course

Antoine Edwards Jr who had this to say:

There’s more, of course, but those are good places to start.

I also want to say that, straight up, I’m always accepting gifts, beadwork, poems, stickers, love notes, kind words, food, coffee, tobacco, and heck, I’ll take your old gitch/panties too why not. Or you can follow me on Insta, that works too.

Here’s a beadwork piece I’ve been working on (and it’s hip hop related – the logo for the Random Bastards Swedish hip hop collective). I’ve been calling this guy the deadly spov.

Anyways, that’s it. Rant over.

Chii Miigwech

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July 13, 2025 0

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Ethel Cain – Fuck Me Eyes

Damn. Sometimes, I get a little nervous when an artist I deeply love and respect puts out a new song and I have to kinda get in the best position to listen to it and it’s always the same – alone, headphones on, blissed out usually with some incense going. I get so fluttery and nervous because I’m anxious to know how I will physically feel when I hear the new piece. I’m not even fucking around when I say that “Fuck Me Eyes” just hit me. It’s definitely a drive a few km over the speed limit wearing heart shaped glasses smoking a cigarette vibes.

If you’re lurked around here, you’ll know I’m a huge fucking Ethel Cain fan and I’m OG, hanging around like a bad cold since those sordid Carpet Bed days, before the monumental rise to fame that she’s had (and deserves).
I even took some experimental photos for her at her first ever Vancouver, BC, Canada stop in 2022 (fuck, how has it been almost three fucking years). Ever since I first heard Ethel Cain, I’ve felt so intensely like the music spoke right to me. I come from a background of some pretty significant religious trauma, something not unfamiliar to many queer and POC youth. Hearing Ethel Cain, I was like, “yeah, finally someone gets it”.
I was fresh from a traumatic brain injury when I did the photos in 2022 and I even got to meet Hayden (Ethel Cain) and I really could have died happy that day, I’m telling you.

I’ve appreciated all of the work so far (yes, even Perverts) and on July 2, 2025 she released “Fuck Me Eyes”, the second single from her upcoming “Willoughby Tucker, I’ll Always Love You”, following up the single “Nettles”.

“Fuck Me Eyes” connects the previous lore of Preacher’s Daughter that tells the doomed tale of the character of Ethel Cain, leading up to her murder and ascent to Heaven. “Fuck Me Eyes” is a song from the perspective of high school aged Ethel Cain (and the rest of the town of Shady Grove), sung to a sometime rival for the attention of Willoughby Tucker – Holly. As in her previous work, Ethel is proven to be somewhat of an unreliable narrator, and as a listener, I immediately was wondering about the character of Holly – is she the femme fatale romantic rival? Most likely, no, and Holly is likely simply representative of Ethel’s own insecurity and the rumours that can circulate around girls who are coming of age (something that Hayden herself later confirmed).

I remember so vividly the first rumours that spread about me in high school – I was a fifteen year old virgin who hadn’t even kissed a boy(or girl), and suddenly a rumour went around that I was a.. gasp… A SLUT.
It was utterly baseless, of course. But I was the weird girl who dressed in vintage black dresses in a conservative Canadian small town. I like poetry and painted my nails black and I listened to The Cure and Joy Division. I didn’t fit in, aside from amongst a group of youth-group metalhead weirdos who spent our time smoking stolen cigarettes and drinking endless cups of black coffee at the local Denny’s. But suddenly I was this “bad girls”. Girls would whisper about me, and the boys would too. Grown adults in my community reported back to my parents about my “behaviour” (like what behaviour Janice? The fact that I read Stephen King books on a tie dyed blanket in the front yard and your gross little scrote of a son couldn’t stop pulling his pud about it? fuck off), and I remember feeling so powerless. That’s some cosmic shit, man, the first time you really realize the power of shitty people and their shitty words.

I remember too, how powerful it was to gossip about other girls. Girls fighting in the dirtiest way that our socialization allows us to – tearing each other apart for sport.

Anyways, here’s the lyrics:

She really gets around town in her old Cadillac
In her mom’s jeans that she cut to really show off her ass
She’s got her makeup done, and her high heels on
She’s got her hair up to God, she’s gonna get what she wants
Her nails are heartbreak red ’cause she’s a bad motherfucker
And all the boys wanna love her when she bats her
Fuck me eyes

She goes to church (She goes to church) straight from the clubs
Thеy say she looks just like her momma bеfore the drugs
She just laughs and says, “I know” (I know), “She really taught me well
She’s no good at raising children, but she’s good at raising Hell”
Her daddy keeps her in a box, but it’s no good
The boys can’t get enough of her, and her honey
Fuck me eyes

Nowhere to go, she’s just along for the ride (She’s just along)
She’s scared of nothing but the passenger’s side
Of some old man’s truck in the dark parking lot (Parking lot)
She’s just tryna feel good right now
They all wanna take her out
But no one ever wants to take her home

Three years undefeated as Miss Holiday Inn
Posted outside the liquor store ’cause she’s too young to get in
They ask her why she talks so loud (Talks so loud)
“What ya do with all that mouth?” (All that mouth)
Boy, if you’re not scared of Jesus, fuck around and come find out
She’s got the radio blasting with her big white smile (White smile)
Pretty baby with the miles
And when she leaves, they never see her wiping her fuck me eyes

Nowhere to go, she’s just along for the ride (She’s just along)
She’s scared of nothing but the passenger’s side
Of some old man’s truck in the dark parking lot (Parking lot)
She’s just tryna feel good right now
They wanna take her out
But no one ever wants to take her home

Home, but no one ever wants to
Take her home
Oh, no one ever wants to
Take her home
Take her home

I’ll never blame her, I kinda hate her
I’ll never be that kind of angel
I’ll never be kind enough to me
I’ll never blame her for trying to make it
But I’ll never be the kind of angel
He would see

Nowhere to go, she’s just along for the ride
She’s scared of nothing but the passenger’s side
Of some old man’s truck in the dark parking lot (Parking lot)
She’s just tryna feel good right now (Right now)

She really gets around town
She really gets around town
She really gets around town

“Fuck Me Eyes” is definitely less like the Perverts EP from January 2025 and much more in line with the previous hit song “American Teenager” from 2022’s “Preacher’s Daughter” and I love it, honestly. In between the Swedish hip hop I can’t shut my goddamn mouth about, it’s just “Fuck Me Eyes” over and over again. It’s such a soaring ballad about being a teenage girl, growing up too fast with all the pressures of society, church, one’s parents, one’s school and community and friends. It’s about growing up, and realizing the true despair inherent in becoming an adult. It’s about realizing both the power and inherent lack of power in your own sexuality and feeling chained by it. I remember these feelings well.

It’s so cringe to say, but this song makes me so very emotional, not unlike Ethel’s other work that has reduced me to tears like at Seattle’s Day In Day Out Festival in 2023 where I photographed the show once again for Miss Ethel. Shout out to the other concert goer that day who just held me while I held her and we just cried the whole goddamn way through Sun Bleached Flies. I don’t remember your name, but damn, somedays I’d give anything to live that show over again and just us holding each other, two people connected for just a moment over something so powerful in that burning heat. I luv u – if you read this somehow, please reach out.

Anyways this song is fucking amazing and if you disagree, well that’s fine, it’s fine to have an opinion even if it’s the wrong one. Everyone has a right to be wrong. Get wrecked. Here’s the video:

Ethel Cain is going on tour. Tickets are sold out, so best of luck trying to get them.

VANCOUVER 2025 <3

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You can find Robin on Instagram

July 9, 2025 0

Episode 196 | Put a Cuck Chair on My Grave

Episode 196 – the crew returns this week to check out Hard Home from director James Bamford which is all about building Gitmo in your basement for some reason, killing a killer, having a 45 year old 16 year old child, and more. The crew debates which serial killer names are the coolest, Robin buying a finger board for Swedish related reasons, labubus, photoshoots in the cemetery, rap battling your sleep paralysis demons, having 99 problems and all of them being with movies, and more, most likely. Blair invented a Magic: the Gathering game show for the crew and we play that for a while and try to find out which of us has the most autism, I mean, the most knowledge of Magic: the Gathering.

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“Kill,Kill,Kill” by Coyote Hearing is licensed under CC BY 3.0
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July 4, 2025 0

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Erk – Sichuan

Greetings friends – how’s your fuckin’ week goin’ there, eh, bud? It’s hotter than Hell over here in the old desert city and with that in mind, I figured I’d drop some heat on y’all with a FIRE New Music Alert that is quite literally bringing the heat, the spice… the, uh… the melange…… the dressed all over and zesty mordant. Ok, I’ll stop.

So ANYWAYS, anyone who listens to the podcast or has followed the fuckery over here on DIAG will know I’ve been going through this whole weird life journey where I listen to a LOT of Swedish hip-hop and have started playing Magic: The Gathering. It’s like this whole vibe. Anywho, I’m super into Random Bastards right now – this Umeå based collective of creators who make music, films, and all kinds of random fuckery informed by a North Sweden sentiment called “Dirty North” overlaid with a kind of punk rock DIY. I’m way into it. So, the RB crew consists of numerous artists and one of them is Trainspotters, a duo consisting of Erk and Kap. They’ve released hip hop in Swedish and English and, over the past several years, Erk has been releasing solo material. His new track “Sichuan” dropped a few weeks back complete with a music video that looks a little bit like that time I decided to chase down some heart break with a few strawberry daiquiris and a couple Ambien and entered the shadow realm and challenged my sleep paralysis demon to a rap battle (i lost).

ANYWAY! Erk’s new track “Sichuan” is from his new EP Stállu 3D which also released a little bit ago (and yes I’ll write a bit about the whole thing, but just let me get up in the kitchen and act a damn fool and talk about Sichuan first). This track is similar to past work from Erk, the beat is generally upbeat, the track itself is tight and well produced (I guess hard to fuck up when you know good producers and are talented so idk), and he has such a decent flow – I actually find his voice to be pretty smooth and soothing in this weird way? Like I’m churning out reports at work just vibing to Swedish hip hop and its such a nice way to get through a work day, just this calm chill vibe. Also it’s always neat to get weird looks when people at the office ask what I’m listening to.

I will say, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed Sichuan mainly based around the lyrical content naming spicy food, and it’s like fuck yeah brother, I also love bibimbap. However, speaking from personal experience, going into a Korean restaurant and saying “just fuck me up” when they ask “how spicy” is generally a poorly thought out idea.

Lyrically, I think, it’s one of the reasons I like Trainspotters/Erk’s work so much – songs are either like.. honestly kind of whimsical and light hearted and silly referencing Pettsson and Findus (a Swedish children’s book about a farmer and his cat having adventures which is honestly king shit tbh. I also want to hang out with my cat and wear suspenders and a big fuck off hat you know), spicy food you like eating, hanging with your friends and doing hood rat shit, and then on the other side the lyrics get actually fairly dark pondering on the meaning of life, death, reflecting on people who have died young and how that death has changed you. I think I appreciate the dichotomy of these two kinds of lyrics like being a bit of a clown, having joy and whimsy, and then exploring some honestly dark night of the soul kind of shit. There needs to be balance in the force, if you will. Too much whimsy and you become Weird Al, not enough whimsy and then you’re like in a one man DSBM project, you call your shows rituals and you post VERY passionately on Reddit. Neither are great roads to be on, especially long term. I myself identify with the sad clown paradox, but that’s a whole other post for whole other ass time.

I see myself reflected in these lyrics and like I wrote in my Axel Ruby love letter, I think it’s such a powerful way to connect with people from different locations, cultures, and languages. Not to get all MDMA-entheogen-raver-Vicks-Vapo-Rub-in-your-face “what are you passionate about, man?” on you, but isn’t it kind of beautiful for rap made in the Northern part of Sweden to get so seen and so understood by so many people from around the world? I’m just a fucking clown taking the shape of a Canadian girl on the West Coast (more like Best Coast, fuckers), and Erk’s work hits me very hard. I’ve seen people from all over the goddamn world into this stuff, like I’m talking dudes in India just chillin’ to some Trainspotters and that’s cool as hell to me and there’s clearly a reason – I could wax idiotic about it, but really I think at the end of it all, it comes down to real recognizing real. Maybe it’s self centered of me to say, but there’s a lot of music I just don’t enjoy because I don’t see myself in it, or I don’t see a real person inside of it. A lot of things seem very corporate and vapid and not to get all corny, seem to lack heart, you know? I like a lot of songs and media where I can go, “yeah man, I’ve been there”, where you end up feeling a little bit less alone in this godforsaken world we all live in.

There’s certain lines from certain Trainspotters/Erk tracks that I feel are so deeply affecting. I guess it sounds a lil cringe and parasocial, but like I’ve written about before – grief and loss are very alienating emotions. When we go through them, we often end up feeling really alone and disconnected. I, personally, live for moments where I feel connected as a human to someone else in their humanness and that’s how I feel with a lot of Erk’s work, and truly a lot of what I listen to in Random Bastards. I mean, pardon the autistic ranting a little bit here, as I do feel like maybe I’m become repetitive, but it’s been a while since I’ve found music like this that just hits you know? And then the feral urge to play it on repeat takes over and now I’ve got the rest of DIAG pointing out Axel Ruby lookalikes on the podcast.

Don’t get me wrong, I love listening to drill rap about doing crimes and shit or black metal about like… Satan and burning churches and making albums over the phone from jail, but I really just love the whimsy and sometimes overt silliness that comes through in Random Bastards’s work as a whole and this comes through across many of the artists that work in this collective. I wrote a little about this in regards to Axel Ruby. And sometimes, man, I just wanna hear about the shit you’re getting up to, like in this case, enjoying some spicy fucking ramen and bibimbap and Wu-Tang. Fire as hell and also relatable.

As I’m Canadian, I’m reminded a line from Trailer Park Boys (of which I quote here with only deep love and respect in my heart) in which Cory and Trevor are clowning on J-Roc, saying he should rap about what he knows, which is eating peanut butter sandwiches.

Mark Twain said, “write what you know”, and Charles Bukowski famously wrote

“don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.”

What’s it mean? Deep stuff, Ricky.

I’d apologize for hittin all y’all with two Trailer Park Boys memes in one article, but you know, I’m not gonna. It will happen again. And like, come the fuck on, here, bud.. I’m Canadian – we’ve got like three TV shows here… Trailer Park Boys, Corner Gas, and like… Hockey Night in Canada. What the hell do you want from us? It’s crawling with Canada geese here, our favourite coffee tastes like a mix of motor oil and moose piss, and we throw maple syrup on the snow for fun.

Anyways…

Sincerity goes a long way for me in terms of the media I like, and again, Erk hit this one (Sichuan) out of the park for me. Like bro, what the fuck, let’s get some bibimbap and vibe. Tell me your stories – they seem fun and interesting – the whole collective of Random Bastards tbh just seems chill and rad as fuck.

Also, Robin confession time…

I should also say that I practice my Swedish by writing out Random Bastards lyrics in Swedish and then I practice translating into English. I’m sure if anyone found my notebooks they’d assume I was like Bart Simpson writing lines in detention or like… John Doe in that movie Se7en. Beats Duolingo, I guess and just think when I finally lose my shit and build a Killdozer and end up on the news, the cops can find my notebooks full of Swedish hip hop lyrics and have to spend thousands of tax payer dollars translating it, only to find out it’s all rants about spicy foods and farmers with yellow hats and their cats getting up to mischief. I hope they get someone cool to play me in the Netflix docudrama that True Crime podcasters can discuss ad nauseum afterwards. Anyone but Lena Dunham, please god, please.

Anyways. The song is out, the EP is out, the video is out. Merch is available here.

Check them out or we finna have beef.. It might be spicy ginger beef, but is gone be beef all the same

Anyways, Hejdå, fuckers. Until next time.

..
……
………

Okay, so, did Erk and Alexander Skarsgård coordinate the lime green thing over the phone? Does the same brain cell that controls the thoughts and behaviours of all Canadians that makes us riot over hockey and feel very strongly about Tim Hortons also send thoughts to all Swedes out there? Was this thought just an utterance of the words “lime green” and all the Swedes out there just began feeling super strongly about bright green?

Keep your fuckin’ heads on a swivel out there, boys.

*X files music plays in the distance*

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You can find Robin on Instagram

July 2, 2025 0

Episode 195 | Daddy I’m A Worm

Episode 195 – Everyone who sent in memes about Sinners (2025) and picking poor Robin clean can finally shut up now because the crew finally checks it out this week (and love it). Blair schools Robin and Scotty about Magic: The Gathering and gets a bunch of stuff wrong, which happens with you inhale a whole cart to your dome on the regular. Blair and Robin trigger their ocean autism and talk about the wreck of the HMS Titanic, the new documentary “Titanic: The Digital Resurrection”, the Titan submersible disaster, turning into human spaghetti at the bottom of the sea, the new Titan documentary, “Titan: The OceanGate Disaster” and debate whether the depths of the ocean or the depths of space are scarier. The crew talks mental health, neuroplasticity, socializing for brain health, and Robin offers some thoughts on ignoring hype, why influencers (especially horror twitter influencers) are the absolute worst, the slopification of modern media, and more.

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“Kill,Kill,Kill” by Coyote Hearing is licensed under CC BY 3.0
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June 19, 2025 0