Meet the Drunks!

Robin Goodfellow
Hailing from the Great White North and no stranger to the bleak coldness of the winter snow, Robin Goodfellow is a true mead making Viking woman – part trickster, part witch, and a combination of Baby Spice and Hunter S Thompson. Robin likes coffee and metal the same:  black. Favourite color is vodka. Personal inspirations : Aleister Crowley, George Carlin, Louis C.K, Iliza Schlesinger, Robert Smith, and John Constantine.

Scotty Floronic
Possessed of a love of all things horror and (even more importantly) most things low-budget and janky, Scotty Floronic decided the best outlet for his thoughts, opinions, outrages and just plain old fashioned rants about his favorite genre would be the haven of all loudmouths in our age: the Internet! Though the Graveyard is and always will be Scotty’s main haunt, he can also be found writing about shitty movies (SURPRISE!) and random nostalgic interests over at Strange Kids Club as well.

Johnny Zontal
Armed with dubious taste and scorching self loathing, the man with the fake internet name of Johnny Zontal takes a sick joy in sitting through some of the worst movies ever made, and letting the world know how he feels in poorly written, expletive filled tirades. He hails from Pittsburgh, land of such spooky things as Romero, Savini, Nicotero, and black & gold Zubaz pants. Way in to sandwiches. Follow on twitter @johnnyzontal

Rigby enjoys long walks to the liquor store, shirking responsibilities and taking photos of her cat. When she’s not enjoying any of those activities, she’s most likely getting day drunk and watching bad horror movies. Scotty and Robin asked her to write for their website and she thought writing reviews is the least she could do for the human race. It’s her way of making up for all the times she’s laughed at people slipping and falling on ice. You can follow her on twitter @Rigbot or enjoy her non horror themed rants and ramblings over at Vodka for Breakfast.
At the ripe Jameson-guzzling age of 21, Jenna decided it was about time to start writing down her accounts of being the millennial Pamela Des Barres. She’s from Bodymore, Murderland but has big dreams of moving to the Big Easy to live out her Lana Del Rey-in-Tropico stripper fantasies. Jenna may not believe in Jesus, but she possesses a strong faith in Peter Steele’s Playgirl shoot, Brian Patton’s guitar playing, and the transformative power of fake eyelashes. She would like it if you followed her at @jenna_DIAG, especially if you’re a DILF.
Blair the Bear
Sometime back in the summer of 1980, a man and a woman, very much in love, decided to go on down to the bayou and do the ‘ol freeball fandango. Within the loins of that man lay two very different, yet distinctive sperm. One was going to grow up in the era of hair spray, drive-in’s, and not getting your STD’s fixed. The other sperm however would have too wait another ten years, and be ushered into the world in 1992. He would see the rise and fall of boy bands, experience the elementary school gel pen addiction, and have to listen to the absolute Nickleback-type asspiss that the music industry decided was “a good idea at the time”. That sperm was named Bear, and he has spent every waking moment trying to make up for that by encapsulating, studying, and cataloging every worth-while moment of melody he can get his hands on. On a strict diet of beer and pizza, he scours the most insidious bits of vinyl shop back-bins and ancient albums forgotten to time, all in the hopes that one day he’ll find the album that, when played in reverse, will straight Army Of Darkness his ass back to 1984.
Varg Vikernes
Possibly best known for shittily recorded black metal, burning churches, murder, Mayhem and insanity, Varg has since retired from the metal glory to lead a quiet life of quiet insanity. Having originally been angered by Drunk in a Graveyard’s annual “Night Before Vargsmas” poems, he wrote in to threaten the lives of the DIAG squad and found an unlikely friendship in Robin Goodfellow. When he isn’t sending her hate mail and threatening to commit atrocities against humanity (like recording another Burzum ambient album), he’s penning love advice columns for the love lorn, and you too can email him your burning questions. To clarify, this bio was written by Robin, as Varg has flat out refused as he does not believe bios are very grim.

Sarah is an ancient heart. At least that is what she wants everyone to think. She has her fingers in everything that involves death, witchcraft, curiosities, fleeing reality or the excessive use of hot glue guns to build herself an alter ego. She loves to take pictures of all that jazz which you can see on her instagram @ancient_hearts. The soundtrack of her life is dark and moody and her writing toys with all topics from the obscure and odd things that life has to offer. Prepare to enter a creepy castle of thoughts and ramblings when she starts to blabber about the ten thousand interests that are mostly not relevant but still kind of haunting.

Occasional Contributors:  These crazy fucks might not be on the regular roster but that doesn’t mean they dont slam like the best of us.
Bambii / Marsha (photographer)


Carl Smith


Chris Beard

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