‘Twas The Night Before Christmas

This week is a mini-episode, our way of saying thanks to everyone who has checked out and supported what we’re doing to celebrate horror and cult movies in our corner of the internet this year. Hope you all have a happy whatever the hell you celebrate this week and have some drinks, smoke some smoke and generally use the time to relax and do what you enjoy!

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the graveyard

The drunks were all smoking, their dank weed was charred

Their Krampus stockings were hung over the mantel with care

In hopes that the Barfomet soon would be there

The drunks were cuddled up, warm on the couch

Watching a film by Stanley Kubrick the grouch

And Robin in her Scooby Doo glasses and Scotty with his dreads

Were talking about their favourite kind of the undead

When out past the headstones there came such a screaming

A raw burning wail, a demon who was watching your dreaming

Away to the tombs the drunk staggered and tumbled

When out from a mausoleum there stumbled

The moon glinted upon their knives and chainsaws

The hockey mask, the shape, the machete, and claw

When what to the bleary eyes of the drunks there did appear

All the horror film favourites, and they had brought beer

Freddy Krueger was jesting and swigging his whiskey

Jason and Michael were getting a bit frisky

Pinhead was boasting and Leatherface was moaning

The hordes of the undead before them were groaning

And the great Eliphas Barfomet who had been their designated driver

Got out of the hearse and tossed Laurie Strode a fiver

“On Carpenter, On Fulci, On Argento and the name of Craven

On Raimi and Roth and their sacred names graven

Bring to them your horrors, bring to them your scares

Bring to them your grindhouse, and your giallo films rare”

While wielding a chainsaw and swinging an axe

Slicing and dicing, their favourite attacks

They came to the graveyard and left offerings in the crypt

Into Krampus stockings, dvds and mondo prints they slipped

The Barfomet was there, overseeing it all

In his great wake, empty beer cans did fall

And Michael, Pinhead, Jason and Freddy

They wanted to party, they knew they were ready

Jason grabbed some tequila, and Michael a beer bong

It was not very long before the booze was all gone

Freddy brought chaser, and Pinhead the rum

There was uppers and downers and cannabis gum

The Barfomet was plastered, his cheeks were quite pink

And he remarked to the drunks, “here’s what I think

I think horror is amazing, we have made so many friends

I hope that drunk in a graveyard never sees it’s end

On Twitter and YouTube, and instagram as well

We have all managed to find heaven, in this world of hell

Horror fan are the rare breeds, and you drunks with your joking

Have truly put the fun back in funeral, with the fun you are poking

So horror fans hold each other close, and watch Santas Slay

Put on Dracula, and the Wolfman, with the dead we shall play”

And there the Barfomet went straight to his task

He left stacks of DVDs, and VHS tapes without being asked,

“So let’s jest about remakes, let’s roast Blumhouse on twitter

Gives people something to read on the shitter”

And there the Barfomet raised his head to the sky

Lo fi black metal filled the air, like a battle cry

And his screams echoed there into the night

Happy Howlidays to all and to all a Good Fright

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Party Crowd 2” by Kolezan is licensed under CC BY 3.0
Bong Hit” by OnionEye is licensed under CC BY 3.0
Breath in and out Cigarette” by OnionEye is licensed under CC BY-NC 3.0
Metal Loop” by thunderstorm10 is licensed under CC BY 3.0
Scream 1” by TheSubber13 is licensed under CC BY-NC 3.0

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6 responses to “‘Twas The Night Before Christmas

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