Call U: The Latest Gospel According to Everyone’s Hometown Hero, Hot Leather

Hello friends. A year ago, we sat down with the meme lord Clyde Webb, aka Hot Leather aka @kornfan420 aka the spiritual embodiment of drinking in a parking lot. Since then, Clyde has continued to make new installments in his career as anthropological commentator. While he’s stepped back a bit from the decay of Instagram memes, he conveys the same absurd comedy in his synthpop endeavors. Afterall, one does not simply silence the zeitgeist of living with grandma in your 20’s and wearing emoji pajama pants to your DMV hearing.

One time I broke my arm skateboarding and I drew the choking victim logo on the cast

— ˗ˏˋHot Leatherˎˊ˗ (@kornfan420) September 14, 2018

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While there was a working contrast between the layered bops and longing for death in “Hearse,” the theme of his latest single “Call U” offers some universal appeal—simply wanting to talk to the person on your mind. Yet, Clyde’s softer side hardly means selling out. Sure, some complete fucking hamsters have bemoaned the death of his meme career. On the contrary; it’s come to life in 3D. Like the collage-style starter pack meme of which Clyde has proved himself to be an aficionado, we’re left quietly convulsing at the sight of cigarette chewing, graveyard chilling, and casual piss stick and poking. It’s sort of like if GG Allin was an affable teddy bear, which no doubt fulfills a need in the postmodern era of internet existentialism. But perhaps the most effective display of the Hot Leather ethos comes with a scene of advanced interrogation via Monster Energy—a topic truly near and dear to my heart.

While I’ve used waterboarding as a synonym for loneliness in my ripe old age, it’s taken on several meanings dating back to when I had to Duct tape my Vans back together every day before school. After watching several Michael Moore docs on Megaupload (RIP), I felt compelled to tape Anti-Gitmo flyers to the door of the school cafeteria, which somehow set a course of events in motion that led to my friend Tommy getting waterboarded on a dare for a ham sandwich. The only adult witness who can attest to this great event was the balding HVAC teacher and Ron Paul devotee whomst now likes pictures of my butt on Instagram. It’s a life I’m glad I left behind on the East Coast, but at the same time, it’s sad to think that I’ll never see Tommy flash a ball again when he plays commando hacky sack in his Tripp kilt. And for that, I am grateful that I have my hometown hero, and yours, Hot Leather, to pave with parody the void of once was (and somewhere in the bowels of Baltimore County, USA, probably still is).

But wait; the story doesn’t end there. Ever the business man, Clyde isn’t missing out on the porn Renaissance spearheaded by Yeezy’s collection of porn star-branded pullovers and the conveyor belt of cam girls entering what vocalist Saphir has described as “Adam 22’s clout dungeon.” Transcending the oversaturated market of private Snaps, Clyde is starting his very own website—a porn radio of sorts. There will be a DJ who hosts each streaming porn video. Requests can be taken, and sponsorships can be offered. While there isn’t an exact launch date for this unprecedented form of collective bonding, it’ll be worth keeping an eye out for the next chapter in the book of Kornfan. In the meantime, come bring him Panda Express at Smrtdeath’s merch table this fall as he embarks on tour with Graveyard favorites, Wicca Phase Springs Eternal and nothing,nowhere.