Ya boi had to take a week off to redistribute his belongings across a new cave and in doing so he had the time to dwell on probably one of the most controversial issues in music:

CAN YOU COVER THAT?

Let’s start off with the main idea of what a cover should be (in this dude’s opinion):

• Either already within the bands sound or be improved by what they already are,
• Be relevant to the band’s history or influences,
• Not a joke unless the song calls for it,
• Played as identically as possible to the original for continuity,
• Changes to key and tempo to accommodate a style are acceptable to an extent.

And as much as I’m sure I could throw down another bogus set of rules about not crossing genres, or whether or not covers should even be done by larger bands with such a large compendium material, but let’s just smash and grab at those few main points I’ve highlighted.

Example A: MOTORHEAD.

If there is a band that has seen more covers in my neck of the woods, I would probably only be able to give that title to BLACK SABBATH, but MOTORHEAD is one of those bands who have universally easy to learn and play songs. The fact that everyone and their high school drama teacher knows the lyrics certainly lends a hand as well. MOTORHEAD weren’t even strangers to a cover here or there themselves, but when they did one it was thoughtful to what their sounds was, and how the end product would manifest. Pulling tracks from everyone from CHUCK BERRY to the SEX PISTOLS, I’m sure there are those pieces which appear as slightly less gristly than the rest, but the fact remains the same: Nobody ever got mad at MOTORHEAD for doing what they do. They could have covered MAROON 5 near the end and no one would have batted an eye, because they were FUCKING MOTORHEAD.

Hold a fuck, I GET IT, FRIENDS WHO LIKE THIS BAND. THEY ARE “AMAZING GYM JAMS, or “THE HEAVIEST IN THEIR GENRE”, but unfortunately for those of you who give more than half a wiener about commendations and staying power, what have FFDP actually DONE? Yeah, they cover a BAD COMPANY song. . . Why? Because a classic rock song is also as close to their genre as they ever get in their covers. Their library contains other such pathetically chosen tracks, like this one:

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH – MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT (LL COOL J COVER)

You’re right FFDP guys, I was wrong all along. This is what you should be doing. Stay away from genres that aren’t a laughing stock already and keep pounding it into your own. AND YES, TECH N9NE IS EASILY THE MOST REDEEMING FEATURE ON THIS BITCH.

EXAMPLE C: SODOM & GHOST

Which leads me to the “how the hell does that work” section of covers, where despite essentially leaping into a pool of broken glass (just like FFDP does every time they pick a cover) some weird combination of musical gears makes it just. . .click.

SODOM – HAZY SHADE OF WINTER

Yeah. . .That’s SODOM covering THE BANGLES who were initially covering SIMON AND GARFUNKEL. Though distinctly separated from other songs on the album, it also manages to fit seamlessly, not taking away any thrash from the band’s performance or any nuances from the original song. This is one of those “scratch your head” ones to say the least.

GHOST – IT’S A SIN (PET SHOP BOYS COVER)

IT’S MONDAY AS FUCK, LET’S GET IT ON.

-BEAR