Victor Crowley

Howdy folks and welcome to my dusty corner of Drunkinagraveyard. This week finds me recovering from the Holiday wkd. So, what better way to unwind than with some comedy and a splash of grue. I don’t wish to tread on anyone’s toes, my apologies if I am but what follows are my thoughts on Adam Greens newest addotion to the Hatchet universe -Victor Crowley.
Victor Crowley (2016)
Written and Directed by Adam Green
Runtime – 83 minutes
ArieScope, Dark Sky Films
The most recent chapter in the Hatchet franchise commences with one of the most unforgettable proposal scenes put to celluliod. Complete with stringy mucus, hysterics and smeared lipstick this film soon takes us (the viewer) deep in the Louisiana swamps hot on the trail of the growing curiosity of the happy couple. Shit starts to hit the fan real soon, or alternatively people start falling to bits in no time whatsoever (depending on what level of quazi spoiler narrative you prefer). We’re not even five minutes in yet and the antagonist has already made an appearance blanketing the bayou with all manner of bodily fluids and visera.
Many years later following an introduction displaying a montage of images on a flickering candle, to bring any newbie of the franchise up to speed, the lone survivor of the Honey Island massacre (Andrew Yong played convincingly by Parry Shen) is busily being showcased around the country at the bidding of Kathleen – his selfish fame hungry publicist. She cares not of his image but rather monetary gain. Case in point, when a fan asks that he sign his junk Andrew refuses. The fan calls him a homophone promising to write up his thoughts on social media the publicist retorts in not so many words that her client is usually called a murderer so it wouldn’t make much of a difference anyway.
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I honestly did not murder those folks, does not this knife in your throat prove that fact?

A young film crew, narrowing missing Andrew at the same signing, find themselves deep in the same swamp that Crowley haunted and start work on producing a film/documentary on the very same events. As fate would have it, ‘fate’ has much to do with a failing airplane engine and subsequent crash, the two collectives cross paths again.
The film rolls at a glorious pace with no need for lengthy scenes of explanation (this is a slasher film folks!) and offers its viewership much to keep them entertained.
Even only a few acts in comedy is a large part of the schnanigens and oozes from Victor Crowleys every pore. One exchange in particular, an introduction of sorts, has me rollin’ on the floor like one of my daughters many colorful character themed spheres.
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Shhh-! You’re stealing every scene you’re in. Tone it down a tad please. 

A Rose by any other name…
– I have a dick.
*Turns sharply toward her companion…
And… where did you go to college?
Humor can be found every the films every turn, even when tension is at a high. Frequent flyers might chortle at the pilots (uhhhhh-!) antics on the intercom as well Kathleens comment that people are “broken” while in the same instant producing a pharmacist treasure trove of narcotics for indulgence.
Adam Greens penchant for picking those who help his cinematic vision come to fruition is applaudable. The cast is fantastic. Felissa Rose who plays Kathleen does a wonderful job portraying a stereotypical Hollywood type character who is instantly dislikable. Dave Sheridan, Dillon, steals every scene he’s in with his upbeat charisma, personality and charm. Brian Quinn (or merely Q to his Impractical Jokers fans) makes his feature film debut. It should come as no great shock to fans of the genre that Kane Hodder once again jumps in the Crowley suit to great effect to orchestrate the splatter and carnage. A Tony Todd cameo (albeit on the screen of a phone) is a welcome addition and catalyst for the antagonists reincarnation, yet I’m not gonna ruin it and tell of how it comes to be!

Ou! I’m gonna be needing that later!

Applaudable too are the over the top practical effects, aka gore for those of the crimson persuation, which also (not surprisingly) finds itself on the prominent roster. The element that the franchise is known, scratch that, celebrated for is in no short order here. Victor hacks, slashes and rips his way through the cast list with enough gusto and often enough to please the most demanding of gorehound. These very same effects are stunning, plentiful and leave no room for question as to whether characters might be aiding in rescue efforts towards films end. Suffice to say it’s hard to rescue anyone when you have no arms, legs, head or a phone attached to the dismembered hand and arm that’s holding it protruding from your gullet.

Betcha thought this would be the phone/gullet shot right? Ha!

The films finale though predicted early on still hits the spot bringing another installment to a close and another (most probably) coming to a fervent boiling point in the minds of those creatively involved.
In conclusion, and to keep this at a readable length, I had a great time with this film. I laughed, I cried, I even wet my pants a little (no I didnt. I added that for comedic effect!) and can’t wait for more of the same no matter whether it’s to be slapped with the moniker The Honey Island Hatchet Massacre, Hatchet 5 or The Return of Victor Crowley. The franchise remains strong with this entry, I’m only left wondering when Victor will be shot off into space, the hood or added to the vicious contents of a tornado. Regardless, if Adam-Fn’-Green makes it I’m sure I’ll give it a watch, shit, Iugh even scribble a few thoughts on it.
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Your slave to cinema drenched in claret and guts with a sprinkling of gallows humor.

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