I don’t really know what I am hoping to achieve with this, but I’m coming off of the edge of a really bad time. For those who don’t know me in person, I’m pretty even keel. I’m generally a sunny disposition. I work hard, I play hard, I place very high value on work ethic, honesty, loyalty, and friendship. It’s one of the reasons that I run Drunk In A Graveyard. This site is run in a very specific manner. We are completely not profit. We make a very small amount of money from our Patreon and Etsy, any money of which is pretty well immediately invested back into this site.
There’s a lot of reasons for this, the biggest of which being that Drunk in a Graveyard was never started to make money. Everything that you see, for better or for worse has been a happy accident. Drunk in a Graveyard was started as a joke. To some, it’s still a joke. I used to write humorous film reviews on my personal facebook and they would always get enough traction and laughs, that it seemed only obvious to start a blog and do the same thing. Hence, this page. Anything else that has happened, from my brief stint writing for a terrible horror website, to getting picked up as press for a huge horror and heavy metal festival was accidental. But along the way, I’ve learned some super valuable lessons.
But, the only lesson that matters is that your community is your blood.
It really does take a village, and all that jazz.
Through my communities, I have learned many things.. to be humble, to be kind, to be honest, to share. Over the past few weeks, I have been betrayed by two of the communities I belong to, and while I’m sure I will brush this off in time, as I am resilient and headstrong, I’m reminded of how painful these experiences are.
It sucks when someone who you respect stiffs you on a deal, and leaves you holding the bag. It sucks when you make something for someone, something that takes hours of your life and your time, and you do out of love, and rather than reject you, you are simply and utterly dismissed, treated like the “help”, or worse.
It sucks to be used.
It brings up complicated feelings inside me, of being a youth, an outcast, black heavy metal t-shirts, Stephen King books, glasses and braces. Never one of the crowd. Always outside. It sucks when you do something to help, to give back, because you feel connection, only to be thrown down and fucked over, especially by people who you have respect for.
I have grown much since this time, but it often takes only small reminders such as the ones I have faced these past couple weeks to take me right back to those moments. And it sucks.
My ego, the lowest part of my psyche, reacts in anger, feeling threatened and persecuted, but the ego’s response is only the surface response, not the real one.
I run Drunk in a Graveyard because I want to. It is ad free, our videos on our YouTube are not monetized and nor will they ever. I provide my DSLR photography services to bands and artists because I want to help. Because I feel a debt to the community that saved me when I was that youth I wrote about. Bullied, hated, despised, ugly. This has never been about making money, getting famous, or anything else. Sure, I like likes and shares as much as any one else well trained on the slop of social media. But like Scruffy the Janitor, I really do believe in this company.
It’s why I feel great pride when I hear metal that truly moves me, that speaks to me, because if it is speaking to me, it may be speaking to someone else. I feel pride in what metal creates, the varied forms of it. Even though I take my share in the bitching and scene politics that always accompany any genre, I wouldn’t trade this genre for anything else.
And the same goes with horror. My great love. Something that has been with me for over twenty years. A good scare. Drunk in a Graveyard has given me the greatest and most unique oppurtunity to be able to watch films, critique films, and meet people who are creating the new world of scares. Horror motivated the creation of Drunk in a Graveyard and has always served as the catalyst to move it along. It has always been, and always will be.
It allowed Scotty and Rigby and myself to create a podcast, it gave us people who listen, it’s given us the hundreds of thousands of people who follow this site. It’s given us purpose. Drunk in a Graveyard has given me something to come home to, a constant. I love it more than I can truly express.
Drunk in a Graveyard has allowed me to become more of who I am, to find others like me, and given me space to share in the successes and mourn the pitfalls of this community. And I wouldn’t change it for the world.
So with this all in mind, a rant about what Drunk in a Graveyard has given me.. I want to give something to you, if you have made it this far in my TEDXTalk. If you’re struggling right now, if things suck ass, if someone dicked you around and took a shit on you and you’re so frustrated you could fucking scream… know that you aren’t alone. Sometimes shit sucks, as much as social media with all it’s bullshit pull quotes would like you to believe. Sometimes you white knuckle through a week on caffeine and hatred just to white knuckle yourself through the weekend with vodka and insanity. I think that’s life.
Sometimes you just have to drink beers about it.
Life is weird and dumb and people are getting stupider by the minute and sometimes I want to blast this whole world right into the fucking sun and do the universe a favor. But other days, my heart overflows with gratitude. There’s a famous quote by someone that says it is the work of a mature person to carry love in one hand and grief in the other and be stretched thin by both. How fitting.
And though I am writing this with a bruised ego, with a bruised heart, with scraped knees and tears in my eyes, there is a bigger part of me that sees the best in others. I write this to share with you all, a vulnerable part of myself. It has always been comforting to know that others struggle like I do.
So fuck all that stupid bullshit and people who fucking suck – here’s some people that fucking rule.
Firstly, the staff of Drunk in a Graveyard:
Scotty, Rigby, Jenna, Johnny, Chris, Ed, Cult, Voidhanger, Marsha and our never ending list of contributors. You all fucking rule. I am continously inspired by you all. You give me a reason to keep working to improve this thing, to push harder, to go farther and to keep creating. Thank you. THANK YOU.
Secondly, to some people who have been getting me through the past few weeks, in no particular order.
Eddie Spuhghetti from Here Lies. Thank you for always being too famous and fancy, and for helping me figure out how to be the best Hollywood socialite. Let’s do lunch.
The entire crew at MasterMindStudios.ca for helping me get my MPIO license, allowing me the chance to improve my script writing, and for serving as a beacon of hope in this often time bleak city.
The entire crew of DavidsTea Kamloops for making sure my caffeine level never runs too low, and teaching me the value of playing on a team.
Tara and Shaun from Lucky’s for keeping us fed before we drunkcast. It’s important.
Erica & Zach at AtomicCotton.com for making cool things, and generally being cool.
Craig Guiboche, editor of Canadian horror flick Dark Forest, who we met after we reviewed the film, and became pals. Thanks for being a rad fucking dude.
Dylan Reynolds, director of stoner horror flick 4/20 Massacre, who sent an incredibly kind e-mail to me today that really help make me feel better. It means a lot.
Matt from LoneWolfProductions.ca. Thank you for making our YouTube outro, thank you for believing in us, thank you for letting us abscond with your wife once a week.
Jason / Cablz. Thank you for being you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for always having my back.
Thank you to everyone who reads, who subscribes, who supports us on patreon, who shares our stories, puts up with our nonsense, makes sure we have guest list passes, takes care of us. Thank you for allowing us to be who we are. Thank you for spending time with us, thank you for being here.
I offer you some final words.
For those who run around, running game on others, being a genuinely shitty piece of garabge, know that your actions don’t exist in a vaccuum. People talk. Your shitty behaviour might work out okay for a while, might get you a few extra facebook likes, but if thats how you run your game, pretty soon, you push enough people away, don’t be surprised when they stay gone. We all have to play in this sandbox together after all.
For those of you who are reading who are currently struggling, I impart to you this. Don’t sweat small stuff, it really is all small stuff. Don’t let some fuckhole ruin your day. If you fall down, get back up, dust yourself off, circle back, and come back foaming at the mouth. Something something, the master has tried and failed more than the novice has ever tried.
Community is everything. Lean on your community. Let others lean on you.
And to those of you who only take from your community – the cheese does, after all, stand alone. Fuck you.
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