Ho’shit dweebs, in a little under a week yours truly will be balls deep in some sweet, sweet (almost) “The Big Four” country. With the semi-threat of this being the final Slayer tour in the history of the band, I felt a little more than inclined to make my appearance. Alongside Anthrax, Behemoth, and Lamb of God, I expect to almost never make a full recovery. needless to say, as they’ve shown up in my articles time and time again, Behemoth are my boooyyysss. I’ve been on that train and chuggin‘ even longer than I’ve liked Slayer.

Big gasps, I know.

I grew up loving every piece of vicious thrash under the sun. From Metallium in Brazil to Tankard in Europe, I didn’t care what flavour it was as long as it followed the Metallica rules of metal: Fast, Loud, and Rude. I LOVED Metallica in that era of my life, because it was close enough to what my mom thought music was that she would let me play it through the car stereo. Mixed CD’s of Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, and the good ole ‘Tallica.

Anyways, enough about me. Let’s hit the monday after Mother’s Day square in the jungle bridge!

PRIOR IMPRESSIONS:

SLAYER:

I mean, yes, I got into Slayer waaaay closer to my twenties than to my young teen years, but after that it’s just history. Their history. Slayer has literally being doing this longer than pretty much everybody. Even the albums I don’t prefer myself, I fully concede to being either completely unique, and incomparable products of what was achievable at the time. “Show No Mercy”, shows no mercy, and “Repentless” is just god damningly repentless. Slayer set a pace and even with the passing of a truly outstanding guitarist (RIP Jeff), have continued to pound that pace into the dirt. I doubt my outlook will be changing on them post this concert, if anything I’ll look something like this guy.

BEHEMOTH:

If it was Slayer leading the pack, Behemoth would be tearing up that first place. There’s the “satanic” aspect of Slayer which was more-commonly akin to bringing the concept of a real hell and a real devil to the listeners, but then there is the more (using this word out of place because I’m a WILDMAN) archaic sounding, yet shatteringly fast-paced hymns of Behemoth. Filled with harmonies for those willing to truly listen, and more vamps and movements than a classical symphony, this band creates a near visual soundscape. My main worry is that aside from the sheer technicality, some things may not translate as well to being played in the stadium as they do on the album. Nevertheless, I again doubt that my faith shall waiver.

ANTHRAX:

From “Madhouse” to “I Am The Law”, Anthrax bring hits to the table, mind you, not without some serious swings in tone and line-up. Though of course I would have loved to see early bay area metal heads get metal thrashing mad, I feel I would be depriving myself of all the power still behind the band. I grew up playing Scott Ian riffs and I’ll probably be playing them until the day I die. Aside from that, I feel they complete this line up very nicely. Just the three of the-

LAMB OF GOD:

Oh, god damn it. Why though? Admittedly, I’ve done my share of “Redneck’n“, and I’ve scribed out a little blood on my time, but I moved past that. I’m not saying every fourth of July that I don’t smoke American Spirit cigarettes, drink FourLoko, and wear the Stars and Stripes on my penis, but again. . .we moved past that. Suffice it to say, I just don’t see the cohesion intended. 

“But they’ve got god in the name and sing about going fast and dying!”

Cool. Are they a thrash band? No. Are they like any other band on this bill? Not really. Do I expect to like them suddenly afterwords? Not terribly.