Rigby Explains Resident Evil 3: AKA Oh Shit Here’s Nemesis!

Takes place 24 hours before RE2
This time we get to play as everyone’s favourite beret enthusiast Jill Valentine
Jill is rocking around Raccoon City trying to I guess find Chris’ dumb ass
Anyways, she heads to the police dept. and guess who is there
BRAD VICKERS
Who you might remember as a total bitch in the first Resident Evil when he abandoned everyone
Jill is like WELL WELL WELL LOOK WHO IT IS
She rescues him from a zombie and he’s like “there’s no escape!!!”
Jill is like “whatever you big puss puss, let’s get going”
Brad is then immediately killed by the new enemy of the game NEMESIS
Jill is like “oh shit! I guess he was right!”
Now a fun aspect of the game is there is multiple times where you run into Nemesis and you can just run away from him
It’s pretty funny actually, like you run into an alley and he’s just chillin there yelling and swinging his stupid big mutant arms around and you’re like “oh dang I’m outta here” and go into a building
Nemesis apparently can’t open doors
Anyways, if you do end up fighting him in these optional boss fights I think you get better ammo and items so it rewards you for not being a coward
Jill runs into some people from UBCS which is UMBRELLA BIOHAZARD COUNTERMEASURE SERVICE
This acronym is….terrible
I hate it so much
Umbrella is such a trainwreck of a company they have an entire department dedicated to cleaning up their numerous fuck ups
Anyways, its Carlos, Mikhail and Nikolai and she’s like “oh hey new friends, two of which are so unimportant that there’s not even a Wikipedia article for you, I’m sure this will be the start of a long partnership”
Nikolai is like “hey so since this is a videogame we gotta alert a helicopter that we’re here for rescue but we can only do that by inexplicably climbing a bell tower and ringing a bell”
Jill’s like “yea that makes sense since you can hear a bell ring over the sound of a helicopters noise and apparently walkie talkies don’t exist so yea I’m on board”
They decide to take a tram to the tower instead of wandering around the zombie infested streets but GUESS WHAT its BROKEN and they have to go on a VIDEOGAME FETCH QUEST
Carlos and Jill find the parts they need and they’re like “good news! We found what we needed! Bad news! We lost Nikolai”
They’re like “you know what, Nikolai would have wanted us to carry on with this extremely stupid plan in his honor” and they hop on the tram
SUDDENLY Nemesis shows up and Mikhail sacrifices himself with a grenade to save Carlos and Jill
Rest in literal pieces Mikhail
The tram crashes anyways (good effort Mikhail)
Carlos and Jill carry on to the tower and have to do an EXTREMELY ANNOYING PUZZLE to get the bell to ring
Too bad all this time filler to make the games runtime seem longer is for NOTHING
Because Nemesis shows up again with a frigging bazooka (???) and shoots down the helicopter
Carlos and Jill have a super cool fight with Nemesis and end up “killing him” WINK WINK in a fire but bad news, Jill got infected in the ordeal
Jill ends up in the hospital and Carlos is such a bro he runs around trying to find a cure
While he’s playing doctor, he runs into another UBCS member and hes like “whats good homeboy” and the guy’s like “oh things could be better, I got shot by NIKOLAI and now I’m dead” and then he DIES
Carlos is understandably like “say whaaaaat???” but just kinda forget about it for awhile because hes gotta save Jill
Oh also, the hospital has bombs planted all around it
I probably should have mentioned that earlier
Anyways, Carlos and Jill escape and hes like “I made you a vaccine that works…kinda”
The virus remains in Jill but its dormant and Carlos is like I TRIED MY BEST
You did great Carlos, we’re all very proud of you
Carlos and Jill head out to try and escape and Jill finds a HIDDEN SECRET ROOM OF MYSTERY in a cemetery because this wouldn’t be a Resident Evil game without one of those
Oh boy but guess who else is there
NIKOLAI
She’s like oh shit waddup traitor?
Turns out Nikolai is a “supervisor” (lol) who got sent to gather data for Umbrella on their Bio Weapons
Hey, here’s a report for you: they suck ass and you guys are terrible buffoons at your jobs
Jill is understandably confused by this stupid backstory but is interrupted by a big dumb worm monster
Jill kills the worm but Nikolai has ESCAPED
Also I cannot remember at all where Carlos was during this entire debacle, I think they split up for some reason
Anywho, Jill stumbles on a factory that I guess…exists…under the park (?) because why not
This is like in Resident Evil 6 where you start in a college library and somehow end up in the mine cart level from Donkey Kong Country
Recapping Resident Evil 6 will be my Vietnam
Jill runs into Carlos and hes like “guuurl guess what, the Government is gonna blow up Raccoon City to get rid of the T Virus” which we ALREADY KNEW Through the magic of a CONFUSING TIMELINE OF GAMES
They’re like “oh shit we gotta boogie!” but before they can flee like cowards, NEMESIS pops up and Jill fights with that bozo for a bit before he falls in a pit of acid
What a dumbass
Jill also discovers that the factory has the controls for the missile attacks which is very convenient!
For some RAISIN she wants to stop them from blowing up the city even though its full of zombies and Brads corpse
Jill runs into Nikolai who is like AH HA! Guess again! and they have a tussle before Nikolai steals Jills escape helicopter
She’s like “dang nabbit!” and Nikolai’s like “peace out idiot enjoy this FINAL TIMED ESCAPE MISSION”
Jill then has 15 minutes to boogie her ass outta trouble and finds another helipad (???) and her and Carlos have to fight Nemesis AGAIN
IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS DUDE
FINALLY they kill him
Another helicopter lands and rescues them
Guys, guess who is the pilot
ITS BARRY!!!!
Barry, sweetie, you’re doing great!
Barry rescues them and they get to enjoy a fun time with him while the city gets vaporized
Can’t win ‘em all