Rigby Explains Resident Evil 4 AKA The Best One

Resident Evil 4 aka the BEST one

My main man Leon is back on the scene
Since his terrible first day on the job where he showed up late and hungover, he’s somehow become an elite special agent
The President of the United States sends him to Spain to rescue his daughter Ashley, who was kidnapped
Ashley is so irritating I’m surprised the kidnappers didn’t just give her back with an apology note and a new outfit
Seriously, her outfit in this game is TRAGIC
Leon looks great as always
Anyways, some dudes are driving Leon to this extremely rural and haunted ass village
They get ATTACKED by a dude and crash the car (way to go guys)
Leon gets separated from them and wanders around trying to make his way to the village
On the way he finds a CUTE DOG with its leg stuck in a trap, and since Leon is everyones hero, he saves it
Upon arriving at the village he find a bunch of hicks roaming around and also the dead body of his driver
Leon is like “Well at least I’m not hungover for this one” and starts shooting them all/giving them rad flying kicks to the face
Leon spends a lot of time shooting villagers and a dude with a chainsaw until eventually a church bell rings and everyone just kinda stumbles away
Leon straight up says “where’s everyone going? BINGO??” like he didn’t just about get his head sawed off his body or anything
What a cool guy
Turns out these are all people infected with a mind controlling virus called LAS PLAGAS which is like this games version of the T Virus and they’re under the influence of a cult called LOS ILLUMINADOS
Leon finds all of this out from a dude he meets in a cabin named Luis who is pretty chill but also very suspicious
Leon and his new bestie get kidnapped and Leon gets infected with the parasite (oh no!!)
Maybe if he didn’t have bangs entirely covering one of his eyes he could have seen this coming
Leon escapes and meets this mysterious merchant who sells him various things
Whenever you run into him he laughs and then says WHAT ARE YEH BUYIN?
This is EXTREMELY fun to say, I really recommend you try it
Anyways, you can also sell him shit like fish and random eggs you find because why not
Leons like “oh right…the president’s daughter” and carries on his way across a lake
He has to fight DEL LAGO which is just a big dumb fish monster
Afterwards he eventually finds Ashley’s dumb ass
Ashley is very shrill and yells LEON!!! Constantly
You have to escort her through most of the damn game but you can shove her in barrels sometimes and get her later
Just don’t forget about her like I always do
Anyways while escaping with Ashley he has to fight a big mutant named EL GIGANTE
As hes fighting it, that dog from earlier comes and helps Leon!!
Leon’s like “hey it’s that dog from earlier!” and IT WAS THE DOG FROM EARLIER
After defeating the monster, He runs into the leader of the cult OSMUND SADDLER who gives a very long speech about how they’re both infected with the virus and Leon seems like he kinda half forgot about it even though he was infected less than a day ago
Leons like oh boy we should boogie, and they head to the extraction point but as you can imagine things go POORLY
They meet up with Luis and all get ambushed in a cabin and the helicopter got shot down
Things are going very poorly
After they leave the cabin they have to fight another EL GIGANTE but this time there’s no dog from earlier to help
Ashley and Leon stumble upon a castle and Leon’s like “oh cool lets hang out here, I’m sure it’s not full of traps, monsters, and doors with insanely convoluted and complicated locking mechanisms that will take 2 hours of gameplay to FIND THE STUPID THINGS YOU GOTTA SHOVE IN THAT DOOR OH MY GOD IT TOOK FOREVER”
So when they bust in the castle they meet the best character of the entire game: Ramon Salazar
He is HILARIOUS he’s a tiny little man in a short pants and a tri corner hat and he’s either 10 years old or 100 years old
Leon is just very tired at this point and is very unimpressed by this tiny dancing man
Salazar is like “I’ve sent my right hand to kill you!!” and Leon’s like “your right hand comes off?”
Which is just like, the most savage burn ever delivered to an evil villain in the most deadpan non plussed way imaginable
Leon straight up came for his whole life and killed him right then and there
Salazar somehow recovers from this burn and sends a bunch of monsters after Leon and Ashley
Including a bunch of blind ones with huge claws but their pathing always gets screwed up and they end up rotating in corners
Anyways, Ashley starts bleeding because she’s infected with that virus and she FLIPS OUT and runs away and Leon is like I swear to god you poorly dressed moron I will put you in an early grave
But he actually goes and tries to rescue her because she gets kidnapped AGAIN
There is an EXTREMELY stupid part where shes like “oh im scared” and backs up against a wall that clearly has little slots where shackles can shoot out of and then she gets trapped against a wall and you have to use your sniper rifle to shoot her out
Eventually Leon kills Salazar and I was a little sad about it tbh
Luis shows up and hes like “whats up y’all I got some magic pills that will stop that virus spreading whoops I’m dead now” and gets killed by SADDLER who is the “brains” of this extremely stupid operation
Leon VOWS REVENGE because that’s just the kinda guy he is, but hey on the plus side they’re no longer infected
Ashley lives to shop at TJ Maxx another day
Ashley gets kidnapped AGAIN and Leon has to fight his old buddy Jack Krauser who is now of course EVIL and like weirdly in love with Leon??? Who isn’t though lets be real
Anyways Saddler and Leon finally have a stand off but guess who else is there
ITS ADA
Leon is super pumped to see her because hes extremely gay for her and I get why
Ada helps Leon fight Saddler because shes a bro like that
But she also wants a sample of the virus because shes quite the scallywag
Leon and Ada BLOW Saddler up with a ROCKET LAUNCHER and its extremely radical
Ada peaces out I think via a grappling hook(?) because shes essentially Batman
Leon and Ashley then escape the soon to be exploding island in another extremely radical way
VIA JETSKI
They blast away from an exploding island on a frigging jet ski they found in a cave and it was life changing to behold
Once they’re in the ocean chillin Leons like “oh shit we should call your dad”
Ashley is like “yo we should bang tho?” and Leons like “naw better not”
But you cannot blame a bitch for trying because she just saw him highkick people to death, kill several monsters, explode an island and then radically flee the scene on a bitchin’ jet ski
He’s every womans dream man lets be real
The dog from earlier remains at large