Rigby Explains Resident Evil 2

Resident Evil 2 aka Leon and Claires big day out

residenteil2

  • Takes place 2 months after the first Resident Evil, in Raccoon City
  • Everyone’s either a zombie or has fled the city thanks to Umbrellas dumb ass T- Virus snafu
  • My main man Leon Kennedy rolls up to town on his very first day as a cop with the Raccoon City police department
  • He is extremely hungover/possibly still drunk and also late for his first day, so I guess this explains why he doesn’t notice EVERYONE IS A FUCKING ZOMBIE
  • Who shows up late and hungover to their first day on the job as a POLICE OFFICER
  • He just rolls up and is like “oh where is everyone”
  • Leon is so dumb but I love him and his floppy bangs
  • Meanwhile Claire Redfield is also in town looking for her hunky brother Chris
  • I have no idea why Chris would still be there or why he didn’t shoot Claire a quick phone call to tell her to steer clear of the entire area but WHATEVER
  • She’s like “hmm Chris isn’t here but there is a tremendous amount of horrible monsters”
  • She runs into Leon and they head to the police station and they’re both like “we did not think this through”
  • Imagine dealing with zombies when you were hideously hungover
  • Claire finds a note from Chris at the police station (??) that explains he left to investigate Umbrella in Europe
  • Hey Chris, you know phones exist right?
  • These two absolute buffoons decide to SPLIT UP and look for other survivors
  • Claire meets a little girl named Sherry who is a complete PAIN IN MY ASS and is running from a monster
  • Claire runs into Annette Birkin who is Sherry’s mom and also works for Umbrella, her husband William also works for Umbrella and now he’s a big dumb resident evil monster running around
  • I don’t know how Umbrella keeps finding employees
  • Anyways, I guess while they’re shooting the shit, Sherry wanders off like dumb children often do
  • Sherry and Claire split up to look for her dumb ass for SOME REASON
  • Leon meets up with Ada Wong who is a foxy babe looking for her boyfriend John who works for Umbrella
  • Leon and Ada are like the Ross and Rachel of the Resident Evil franchise
  • Turns out that the police chief was taking bribes from Umbrella to hide the experiments on the outskirts of town
  • I don’t understand this whatsoever, why would you ever do this
  • Claire tells Leon shes heading into the sewers (gross!) and he thinks that’s dumb but she takes off without listening to him
  • Leons like “why doesn’t anyone listen to me!!”
  • Because you’re dumb Leon
  • Annette runs into Ada and Leon in the sewer and freaks out because Ada is trying to steal a virus
  • So much virus stealing in this game its nuts!
  • Anyways, Sherry shoots at Ada and Leon takes the bullet for her because Ada is hot and Leon is a chump
  • Leon’s ok though because he’s too beautiful to die, Ada is just like “meh” and takes off after Leon gets shot
  • Annette tells Leon that Ada is actually a spy and Leon’s like “no I refuse to believe this because she’s hot and I’m stupid” but Annette’s like “congratulations, you played yourself”
  • That dumb Tyrant monster from the first one is also rocking around along with other various monsters and zombies
  • Sherry has a magical PLOT DEVICE necklace that contains a sample of the G Virus and Ada, Annette and William are trying to get their greasy mitts on it
  • Ada is like “wait a minute,  Leon is actually hunky and I regret abandoning him” and goes back to tend to his wounds in hopes that one day he will tend to her wound
  • If you get what I’m saying
  • Meanwhile Claire has reunited with Sherry and turns out that her dad implanted her with an embryo (GROSS!!) that can produce offspring
  • This is fucked and seems to happen in A LOT of horror games
  • Leon, Ada, Claire and Sherry all yuk it up in a factory trying to get out of Raccoon city because things are going extremely poorly for everyone involved
  • William shows up and stabs Ada with his stupid claw arm and she KISSES LEON and then she DIES
  • Leon is very upset but that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth
  • BUT WAIT! After Leon leaves, it turns out Ada is just unconscious and Leon can’t tell the difference between a dead person and a sleeping person
  • Sleepovers he had as a child must have been very emotionally taxing on him
  • Annette is like HEY BOZOS IM STILL HERE and starts wildly swinging a gun around while trying to shoot Leon
  • A Tyrant pops out of nowhere and starts attacking her and Leons like “I’m tired and its my first day”
  • Ada appears (yay!!) and kills Annette but then she also dies (boo!!)
  • Ada falls over a railing and Leon gives her this big speech about how they were supposed to survive together
  • Leon is such an ABSOLUTE IDIOT after Ada dies he’s like “oh this is what everyone was after” and just CHUCKS the necklace off the railing
  • Annette tells Claire in her dying breath that she was a bad mom but whatever, and also tells her how to create a vaccine to stop whatever gross shit is going on with Sherry
  • Leon and Claire make the vaccine to save Sherry
  • Sherry is an annoying shit kid through this whole game, I mean I guess we’re supposed to care about her but I do not at all
  • William shows up and is like “IM STILL IN THE GAME!!” and attacks the train everyone is on
  • He is looking mega groady
  • A self destruct sequence starts because it’s a Resident Evil game and the train and William BLOW UP
  • Leon, Sherry and Claire escape Raccoon City
  • Leon is like “it’s over” and Claire is like “actually I still wanna find my brother” and Leon is like “oh right”

THE END

  • BUT WAIT! Ada survived! And she has the necklace! How lucky that Leon was so blasé about a virus that turns people into gross eyeball monsters
  • He’s not a very good cop but in his defense he only had the job for a day

********************************

You can find Rigby on twitter shitposting about anime, soju and Godzilla.

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