PUMPKIN SPICED-DERIVED “HEY THERE”, PLANETARY FLEAS.
IT FEELS REALLY SHITTY TO TALK ABOUT MUSIC SOMETIMES WHEN THE HALF THE WORLD IS ON FIRE, AND THE OTHER HALF IS EITHER BEING MONSOON’D OR DRAUGHTED.
BUT DAMN, LIFE DO GO ON DOE.
So, quickly a lovely little bit of exposition; I have been writing my pieces here on my cellphone since the dawn of it all, but this lil devil ques the beginning of a new era. I have official returned the world of pc ownership and I must say, it has certainly made looking at shit I shouldn’t buy, trash I wish I didn’t have to read, and people I wish would leave me the cuck alone, WAY MORE PROLIFIC THEN I WANT IT TO BE! I’m certainly not trying to be an ass when I say that there are some people I am more than sufficient with just seeing at my highschool reunion, and preferably never again past that. I’ve dug up some intimidatingly twisted tracks for us today, so tuck back yer squishy bits and lets dig into the
666 HOURS OF ANCIENT MUSIC I RECOVERED FROM MY OLD PC.
ASHBURY – VENGEANCE (1983)
Though I can’t really dig much up about this shining alt-rock conglomerate, suffice it to say that their early work sound somewhere between Jethro Tull (especially the Ian Anderson-esque vocals) and classic Fleetwood Mac. A 2004 reformation and subsequent 2009 re-disbanding left us with another studio album which you can pretty happily dodge, but if you wanna rock out to what your dad slammed Coor’s Banquet down to whilst on his way from heavy manual farm work in his F150, then Ashbury is gonna lick that spot for you. Aside from the sheer inability to tell if my copy has deterioration or if it’s just so old that it has quality issues, some parts of the album (especially solo parts) soar above the rest for clarity, so I’ll take that as all strikes with a pick-up spare, better than a passing grade on this one for sure.
CUTTHROAT – HARD AS NAILS
From the 1987 self-titled album, hard as nail may sound like just more Judas Priest or other big NWOBHM bands, but is that even a bad thing? The issue with the late 80’s into early 90’s music industry as I have mentioned before, is that the initial birthing of genres like grunge and pop punk were gain momentum at a troubling pace. The days of face-melting, gut-busting solos and 10-foot hair were fading away to dirty plaid and songs about how the government hates you and always has. Nothing against Nirvana-bands, but we’ve heard it. The thing about teenage angst is that unless you’re an adult-child, it doesn’t generally kick around for a long while. Despite coming back to find this piece after such a prolonged length of time I was sure it would have been taken down from inactivity, but there she was, like an obelisk to forgetten riffs.
NAGLFAR – I AM VENGEANCE
These gentlemen may have quite a few more albums to their name, but around the same recognition (I imagine) when I mention their name to you, though it may strike a cord of residual memories stored in the back of your head from history class for good reason. Naglfar is the vessel which carries the norse warriors to Vígríðr to do battle with the gods. Since all things norse also have to be literal as hell in their naming, you can understand why they would name a boat made entire out of the finger and toes nails of the dead, the “Nail Boat”. If cool as lore wasn’t enough for you, throw Naglfar somewhere between immensely talented bands like Inferno, or Immortal, or Dissection, because that is the level of talent brought to the table. If the drum fill in the intro doesn’t inform you that they will not be slowing down, I’ll happily rectify that mistake here and now. Their seventh studio album was announced in 2014 and I’ve been sitting here blue-balls-ing my way through other hyper-iimpotent black-melo-death WAITING OH SO PATIENTLY, but the wait continues.
Shit, bish. You look cute today. Damn. <3
– BEAR (@Blairsphemy on Instagram)