Treading the Missed Mondays: How To Remind Your Partner They Are Second Rate In None Days

THROATY SOUND OF RECOGNITION, CLOISTERED & UPSIZED KETCHUP PACKETS.

BIG SIGH.

As work/life has been semi-trampling, I haven’t changed my on-call stack of CD’s at work, so THE STACK will have to wait until next month. I have however made sure that you needn’t go unsatiated on this dirty 31st of a Monday. So gather round and let Uncle Bear tell you some junk about some nerds while reminding you of some grade school shit you may have fallen out practice in.

LOVERBOY – PRIME OF YOUR LIFE

Alright, so plenty of people get a husband’s bulge from calling bands like Loverboy “gay”, but they were indisputably “Mr. Steal Yo Girl” decades before that existed. With the silver vocal chords of Mike Reno sailing through every radio and boombox through-out all of North America, taking track after track all the way to Platinum status. The overall sound of the band lands somewhere between AOR Rock, and big stage rock and roll. Reminiscent of bands like Aerosmith, Triumph, and Helix, you can hear the work that goes into every song and the complexity of making something accessable to every idiot with a radio, while making every musician who heard it passing by turn their head. Loverboy is an underated gem that absolutely put at least one or two “weaker songs” on an album sometimes, but the thing about that is that the rest of the song on those albums are BANGERS.

LESSON: Respect those who prove themselves repeatedly. Not being your “taste”, doesn’t make them less valid in any way whatsoever.

AMIGO THE DEVIL – HUSBAND

The farthest thing from platinum albums on a wall in some recording studio that David Geffen constantly humps, is the accidental bloody-banjo gold brick that is Amigo The Devil. A one man project that essentially started through sheer force of ability. Danny Kiranos is the avatar of said act, and draws most of his inspiration from what he believes serial killers were thinking prior to their kills, but manages to convey it in a dramatic, even comical way. “Husband” as a different example, hits a topic that I’m sure all of us feel a few times a day, “Wow, your spouse really blows” as well as, let’s call it “missed opportunities”. It’s never easy figuring out that you’re in love halfway into falling, when the person you love isn’t there to fall with you, but even in that lightless void a tiny piece of glimmers. A little star of condensed hope that if you can’t love them, the “other guy” really, REEEEALLY fucks things up.

LESSON: Wanting what you can’t have is probably the trait we push down the most. You can do this without acting jealous or selfish. In reality, those things are called goals, because you shouldn’t view anything in this world as unachievable. That being said, respect yourself. Don’t wait around for someone who isn’t loving you back, ’cause you’ll on miss everything in front of you.

GALLOWS – ORCHESTRA OF WOLVES

I love Gallows because they really don’t give a shit, they are a punk band to the CORE. Everything from screaming ACAB to this track on date rape. Vocalist Frank Carter has a relentless vocal style that makes pretty much everything short of DMX sound like it’s made of honey and lemon tea, unfortunately he did part ways with the band and was later replaced by Alexisonfire singer, Wade MacNeil. Long story short, Gallows touched the “touchy” subjects and didn’t shy away from the harsh realities of personal stress, anxiety, or even heartbreak.

My name is Casanova,
I’m basically a man!
I have the head of a wolf,
The appetite of an entire land!
This song is going out to the girls,
You’re all looking fucking fine.
Baby spread those shaking legs,
Because I’m feeling fucking hungry tonight.
I like to feed on broken hearts,
There ain’t no taste like lovers falling apart!

If I offer to buy you a drink,
Trust me when I say it’s non-alcoholic.
You’re no good to me if you can’t even speak,
I don’t want you passing out I want you sucking my dick.
If I offer to buy you a drink,
Trust me when I say it’s non-alcoholic.
I want you to wake up and remember my name,
When you’re washing my cum off your fucking face!

My name is Casanova,
I’m basically a man!
I have the head of a wolf,
The appetite of an entire land!
This song is going out to the girls,
You’re all looking well buff.
I’m sick of all this long term shit,
I just wanna fuck!

My name is Casanova,
I’m nothing but a beast!
Baby the way you’re shaking those hips,
Has got me ready for a fucking feast.
This song is going out to the girls,
I want to feel your body close against mine.
Why waste time with conversation,
When we can fuck for the rest of our lives?

The hardest thing you’ll ever learn,
Is just to love and be loved in return.

LESSON: Just chant those last two line along with Franky boy and hopefully something clicks and sticks.

Jimmies rustled? Wanna fight about it? Let us know why below!

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