PATRIOTIC SALUTE MY FELLOW COLD-BONED AND ICE-VEINED CANADIANS!
Monday’s, AM I RIGHT?
After a weekend of getting “turnt” and “the clap” from our National Holiday, I’m sure you’d all like that burning sensation to go away. Good thing you can walk right into a hospital, throw down your ID and get treated, because you live in THE BEST country in the GOD DAMN SOLAR SYSTEM, AND NO, I am not talking about “Canada One-Shifty”, or any of the other atrocities committed against it’s indigenous communities, their cultures, and THEIR LAAAAND. Once more for the people in the back;
THEIR.
You know how we do on Mondays at the beginning of each month, I giveth you a few songs to make you days less dreary and these ones all come from the decadent bosom of sweet mother o’ kermode’s herself, give it up, for Canada.
So I’m just gonna talk about a couple selections from this little Jamerooni, starting with the most top-tier vocal ranges to ever be a-birth-ed, STEELHEART.
This one need to be talked about because the video adds so little class that it blows my freaking mind. Including (but not limited too): A drum set with monkey bars, the GAYEST blouse I have ever seen (you are not working that queen, stahp), and feet-by-yer-hips straight up and down air-humpin’, STEELHEART is like what girls who had Lisa Frank binders listened to when they needed to get their rocks off, and that’s alright with me, baby. Shout out to Lisa Frank for being memorable enough to sit ambiently in my brain for the last 20 some years.
Secondarily, I would like to mention Anvil is on this playlist because THEY USED TO BE COOL, I SWEAR. But like,
How.
In.
The.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Did you expect to get away with this, boys:
NOT EVEN KANYE WEST, COULD GET AWAY, WITH CALLING AN ALBUM, “KANYE IS KANYE”, OR EVEN “WEST IS WEST”.
On second thought, that one would probably sell, much like this Anvil album did:
Happy second “J”-month in a row, igloo family. Get out there and use your manners, hold doors for strangers. . .
AND IF YOUR GIV’N’R AND SOME 2-PLY, WALMART CHAIN-WEARING, HOSE DONGLER WANTS A TILLY, WELL THEN YOU PUT DOWN YER DUB-DUB FROM TIM’S AND JERSEY THAT FUCKING SURREY BOY FASTER THAN DAD GOT YA BACK UPSIDE THE HEAD FER CUSSING OUT THAT ELMER’S GLUE LOOKIN’ SOM’BITCH WITH THAT CROOK-EYE FROM TAKIN’ THAT GOOD HARD FACEPUCK LAST PRAC-Y.
– BEAR.