FLATULENT GREASINGS, NEARLY-PORCINE MARROW TREES!
You like when Daddy brings gifts, but then throw up in your mouth a little if someone refers to themselves in the third-person as “Daddy”?
In this instance “I, Daddy” is not going to be protagonized by Will Smith, but by yours truly; King of Bongs, Weapon of Bass Destruction, and cumulation of hundreds of years of potato eating farmers (and some dicks in the cold somewhere who make watches), and I am hear to remind you that listening to albums is important. Writing songs to structure an album is important. Okay, I get like “GOING FAST ALL THE TIME” is cool, or being “abrasive” is cool, but all of that can be done with some FUCKING CLASS.
AND SO TODAY I PREMIER THE END OF THE MONTH FORMAT FOR TTM (THIS COLUMN) WHICH WILL SIMPLY BE TITLED
ON THE STACK.
It will be my last Monday ‘er month and it will be the 5 albums I have locked and loaded in my CD roller at work. These are albums that I can listen to back to front without needing to skip a track.
BLOOD DRUNK – MACHINE MADE FLESH
Sampled, mechanical, and fucking vicious. FrontWOMAN Marissa Etchart is an ANGEL in every single sense of the word, and one of most talented vocalists in the history of music, I don’t even know where her soprano register ends (or if it even does). Nowadays you can find her touring across the ole Canada under the guise of Nightingale, and hyper recently received the physical copies of her performing with musical act OQO. Go out of your way to make it to one of their shows. Do it.
CHAPEL – SATAN’S ROCK ‘N’ ROLL
Black thrash bangers across the album, because THAT’S WHAT WE DO IN CANADA. Grand organ music and appropriate amounts of reverb lead to the grand illusion of being in a “chapel-like” setting, some my say “cathedral-esque”. Leaving a distinctly “motor fuel” taste in ya front to back, this stands out from many counterparts in it’s genre by the diversity in song writing, knowing when NOT to play a note, and sounding slimy all at the same time.
MEGADETH – RUST IN PEACE
Admittedly, modern-day, god-fearing Dave Mustaine is probably my least favorite Mustaine. Young, hot-blooded, piss and vinegar Mustaine was far more my jam. Since old Dave hates anyone having anything, you can’t actually just find the whole album on YouTube, Hub of eternal knowledge and videos on how to put in cheat codes to take off the clothes of pedestrians in Grand Theft Auto (it was a big thing, look it up). So enjoy “Holy Wars. . .The Punishment Due” and then I hope you own the album, otherwise your kinda S.O.L, bruv. The only NON-CANADIAN band on this as well, BY THE WAY.
But dees solos doe. I’ll give it a pass.
BEGRIME EXEMIOUS – 2011 VISIONS OF THE SCOURGE PROMO
This album contains 2 of my top 3 favorite Begrime songs, and I make sure to yell “SACRAMENT OF VIRGIN FLESH” “loud AF” as the kids would say, any time I see them live. Frontman Derek Orthner is a very rad dude with impeccable music taste, and you can hear his love for bands like Incantation and Bolt Thrower shining through in their signature sound. Begrime is in the top-tier of metal bands to ever come out of Canada, memorable to the point of bands like Razor in my eyes. Keep doin’ you boys.
SHEGLANK’D SHOULDERS – ENDLESS GRIND
From just across my own border in Calgary, Alberta skaters are facing the same kinds of problems there as we would in a day. Flat spots, big rocks, and trying to not get shin-ers by wearing thick socks. Punk music and skateboarding are in this weird monogamous relationship where Skateboarding is like “Hey, I’m gonna keep having 14 year-old who wanna light the world on fire compete in events, are you sure you can keep doing this music thing?” and Punk just nods it’s head feverishly. Needless to say, it’s definitely working for them, so kudo’s to you kids.
TIP YOUR WAITRESSES.