Treading the Missed Mondays: Rap Game Ronda Rousey

AN UNSOLICITEDLY PLEASANT MONDAY, EMOTION CASKETS!

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

. . .

ENOUGH ABOUT YOU!

Somewhere in the cacophony of everyday monotonous tasks and cyclical errands and chores, it can be easy to forget that we’re all part of our own little movies. Interactions and momentary glances and smiling at old lady’s and shit.

Point; You are a character to everyone else. As much as you are the most unique and beautiful snowflake you could also be the most infinitesimally teensy blink in someone else’s life, so much so that you wouldn’t even be mentioned in the extra section of their credits, and they mention the people that cater things nowadays.

Jesus, again, enough about you!

I wanna use that little visual springboard set off on our playlist for the month.

The lights slowly dim, and the drive in projector clicks gently in the wings. Slamming popcorn and making sure to drink enough of a XXL soda to need to pee exactly 15 minutes before the movie ends, and awaiting eagerly to see if any stragglers are making their way into the theatre or if the open seats infront of your own have just become occupied footrests. Trailers drift past with the normal celebrity couples partnering up time and time again. Then the lights drop off completely and the film jockey kicks the volume knob over to eleven, AND DO YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS?

The best directors know that a cohesive and catchy soundtrack is what will keep audiences returning time and time again. What? Don’t believe me? I bet I can say one line and a colour and you will know what I’m talking about.

GREEN.

“SOME-BAHDY ONCE TOLD ME, THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME, I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHE-EEEEED”.

That’s what happens though, great scores prevail through time. Name one person who can’t sing the Jurassic Park theme.

Thusly, I took it upon myself to bring forth what I would want my life’s soundtrack to look like (if someone wrote one about me after I was gone). My ups, my downs, loves and loses. All the immaculately hard-drawn lines in both my face and character that have made me who I am. I’m not gonna do these in any specific order, except for the first.

Man, what a sneer. Billy Idol was even badass in “The Wedding Singer”. Though he saw much more commercial success across the pond from us cold Canadians, the roudy pop sound of Billy Idol brought teen girls of all ages a biker bad boy who sang like he was somewhere between Mike Score (A Flock Of Seagulls) and Jello Biafra (Dead Kennedys). Though I’m unsure which piece of the composition Billy really put his fingers into, Rebel Yell is one of the most driving intros to any song I’ve ever heard.

Speaking of Jello. That leads to something that seems to remain eternal with me even into further adulthood, and what I’ve always loved listening to during that event. Dead Kennedys appeared on the soundtrack of the first videogame I ever bought with my own money, Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater for the N64. Hearing the vamping surf riffs charged me up like little else at the time, and still does.

And a guy’s gotta fall in love a few times, right? I would be remiss if I didn’t throw on something painfully cliché, and you bet you short-shorts I’m nothing if not cliché. Unfortunately for ya boy Bear, a few ladies over the years have swooned and gone full-on “light my clothes on fire” crazy, and it was only after that I realized that I was ankles deep in cray-cray. A little known band called King Kobra did a song that I’ve always rolled to in times of love-torment, called “Second Thoughts”, if you wanna hear this one, you’ll have to skip to it in the playlist because it is not easy to find unless you own it on cassette like yours-truly.

Uno mass and I’ll leave you to your day, friends, but this one is a biggie.

We all have to die someday.

And at the end o’ the line we make our piece to our God and let it all go, and that isn’t solely sad, because it is also very beautiful. We get to make millions n’ billions of little moments everyday, all part of a grander picture. Just because the credits roll doesn’t mean we need to mourn. I’d rather have all my friends clap for me. Thank me for making sure that all those times we spent together put me WAAAAAAAAY at the top of their life’s movie credits.

‘Cause life is short, and if through some freak accident I don’t make it through tomorrow, just be sure to play this at my funeral.