Treading the Missed Mondays: Passing Social Studies 10

ASSEMBLE, CHILDREN AGES 14-18! (And the rest of you delinquents)

Why the hyper age-specific bracketing, Bear?

SIMPLE, CLASS! Today we’re gonna talk about how a bunch of bands got me through highschool through more than emotional escapism. There will be no beating around the bush that some of  these bands may lick farm shoes, but there is a very clear line in music seldom crossed. This imaginary line leads writers/bands to powerfully separate aspects of fiction and fact in their lyrical content. A perfect example of knowing this paradigm is none other than the Human Neck himself, George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher. To quote an article about their most recent album “A Skeletal Domain” which he gave to publication Iron Fist:


And that really is the least of it. A separate quote from the previous page reads “We are not bad people, we’re not doing the things we’re writing about”, and this weighs heavily towards the general discrimination and mass misclassification of many “metalheads” as violent animals with murderous intent.

Hell, dude, I slapped some douchebag upside the head for kicking his dog a month back and where it proceeded from there was entirely in his hands. Luckily for me, other bi-standers also abhore animal cruelty, so Captain Swisher’s Sweet and his Listerine aroma’d friend kicked rocks. Still gonna take that dog if I see him doing that shit again.

Tangent aside, music almost ALWAYS falls into now either grandiose fantasy or line-for-line historical documentation. Thanks to our first track of the day, I passed Social Studies 12, and have not forgotten the opening verse TO THIS DAY.

Sabaton is a “war metal” band the same way Sherbert is ice cream, what I mean to say is, they near solely use historical events from WWII and surrounding battles but with very little embellishment, highlighting more the horror of war from the perspective of a people (The Polski) who despite the looming threats of bombardment and invasion, held their lands with everything they had. That being said they are not a “War Metal” band in the “traditional” sense as in part of the “War Metal” genre, sounding more akin to European Heavy Metal circa ’95, with synth and solo’s being forefront in much of the mix.

One of the few bands to pull directly from paperback fiction (that means a book) not only consistently and successfully is NWOBHM kings, Iron Maiden.

Admittedly, I never read the actual piece in highschool as I was to distracted my trying to learn tre-flips out of transitions on a skateboard, when it came within the 24 hour bracket for me to have a presentation do infront of the whole class, throwing 13 pictures over this homage nailed me an “A” in that class, PLUS I actually cared to hear the story.

And since we’ve spoken on the massive fiction and factual sides of musical creation, let’s move into what nuances can be noted in music not pulling from historical facts, or robust fiction. Let’s roll all the way up to 2017 and admire that we absolutely hate ourselves for liking some of the acrid filth that the has been set before the past couple years.

Hitting it straight into the present is this fucking gem:

Now, it does take decent cajones to just straight go by a name like “Kyle”, let’s just imagine that this was “rapped” with any semblance of putting actual content in it. It would take me four more of these to knockout how many “almost-rhymes” are attempted in this shit heap, with a total of maybe 2 actually sung notes, and an appearance by none other than “Broccoli” himself, Lil Yachty. A beat that I’m mostly sure was created in Garageband over a lengthy series of minutes, and easily one of the most pitiable choruses of the year already. Allow me to translate it for you.

“I spy with my little eye,
A girlie I can get ’cause she don’t get too many likes.
A curly-headed cutie I can turn into my wife.
Wait, that means forever, ever, hold up, never mind.”


“My baked-ass eyes see a girl,
I can sleep with her because she isn’t popular on social media,
Her hair is not flat and thusly I can marry her.
Wait. . .Marriage is a legally binding contract an I’m afraid of the reproductions when I obviously, eventually, fuck up”.


Get bent.


Deuces, and I’m out.

– Bear.

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