Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: A Sexual Asexual?

vargmain

 

Dear Varg,

I’ve been trying to get the attention of a girl in my feminist studies class at university and have recently learned that she identifies as asexual.  What the fuck does that mean?

Thanks,

Confused in Chilliwack

 

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Dear Confused,

Thank you for writing in to my column and I must humbly admit that I had little insight into the term “asexual” until this moment in time.  With some preliminary googling, I see that this is a term that is used to represent selections of the population who claim no interest in sex or sexual relationships, though they may be involved in romantic relationships and enjoy “cuddling”.  Since you met this person in a feminist studies class, I can only assume that she gave you this excuse due to you not containing the exact right paramecium she so desires.  It is impossible for humans to mate asexually, and she is probably holding out for one of those beefy engineering students.

Perhaps it is best if you go home to play with your paramecium in peace?

Best Wishes,

Vance Vikernes

 

Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your love advice queries and you may see them featured in future issues of Sexual Sundays.

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