Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Fingers in the Fur Pie


Dear Varg,

What’s your favourite foreplay move?

Fingerbanging in Fresno


Dear Fingerbanging,

While I must thank you quite readily for writing in to my column, I must caution against your quite literal signature move of “fingerbanging”.  Did you know that the vaginal column of  the human female is in close proximity to her urethra, which is a very short 1-2 inches long.  Dirty cheeto dust covered human hands can introduce bacteria into her urinary tract and cause a bladder infection/UTI, which is quite uncomfortable for your lady friend.  I recommend that you practice good hand hygiene, or spit on her vulva and bury your face in that rug and get to slurping.

Best wishes,

Varg “Vulvanator” Vikernes



Be sure to E-Mail Varg with all your love advice queries and you may see them featured in a future issue of Sexual Sunday.

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