Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Fartal Attraction

vargmain

Dear Varg,

My husband has recently been asking me to fart into an old Jell-O mold of ours, so we can make ‘enhanced’ Jell-O.

I don’t know how to feel about this.  We are two gay men and I know things can get wild sometimes, but this seems to be pushing a lot of limits (mine included).

What should I do?

Fartistry in Flint

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Dear Fartistry,

Thank you good..  man…(?) for writing in to my column.  I can see by the sense of urgency present in your note that you feel at a loss of what to do regarding your good husband’s somewhat peculiar fecal request.

I hesitate to encourage this variety of behaviour as I have a particular affinity for Jell-O and hate to see it sullied with fecal remnants.  Did you know that farts smell because tiny pieces of feces are expelled with each gassy outpouring?  I have heard of the concept of seasoning a cast iron frying pan, so perhaps this is a similar ritual that your good husband would like to partake in.

Might I suggest some icing sugar or cinnamon, or perhaps a trip to the local courthouse for annulment papers?

Best Wishes,

Varg ‘Very Berry’ Vikernes

 

 

 

Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your sexual health and fart related inquiries and you may see them featured in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

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