Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Pussy and Pepe

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Dear Varg,

Okay so this is a tough one for me, because I’m a little embarrassed to even admit this to anyone, but my husband has gotten himself into some weird fetish stuff lately.  I’ve been with a lot of dudes and my husband and I are both polyamorous swingers so there’s bound to be some bedroom hijinks whenever his dick gets hard and I get moist, but lately he’s really been into “cuck”ing and not the act of him watching me get fucked by a hot young stud, he wants me to call him a “faggot pussy cuck” while he’s fucking me.  I’m not one to shy away from talking dirty or being filthy but there’s something so weird about this to me.  I have no issues with the fetish of cuckoldry, because let’s get serious, it’s 2017 and everyone’s gay in some way or wants nasty freaky shit done to their genitals.  Anyone who doesn’t is just lying to themselves.  I tried to look up more about this whole cucking thing online, and I got redirected to 4chan and pictures of the Pepe the Frog and I don’t know what to do, please help.

Concerned about Cucks in Cambridge

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Dear Concerned,

I appreciate that you have taken the time to come to me with your concerns, my good woman, and though I have little empathy for men such as your husband, the true nature of being degraded is not one to be ashamed of.

Did you know that in Viking times, the viking jarls would chain up mentally deficient individuals to posts on the outskirts of the village where they belonged?  I would recommend this same treatment for your husband, but since this may not be something you wish to do (though I am certain he may like it), another way to engage with his fetish is insist on allowing him to be penetrated in the anal canal by you.  It might serve to sort him out.

Best wishes on your particular quest for brown gold, and I recommend for you to wear gloves.

Love,

Varg “Memeslut” Vikernes

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Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your burning love advice queries and sick memes.

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