Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Black Metal Baby


Hello Varg,

My wife and I are hoping to conceive our first child this year.

I know you have several children of your own – when is the best time to make a baby?

Baby Batter in Berkeley


Greetings Baby Batter,

I applaud you and your good wife’s decision to procreate.  I have done some preliminary googling and found that Berkeley is a city in California and while I do not approve of California’s willy-nilly marihuana inhaling, I do approve of making children.  Children are the future masters of our destiny and the act of creating them is also not so bad either, though I have not seen your wife to determine if she has ample hips to bear you many sons to carry on your great deeds in this meagre plane of Midgard.

Like my own song, “The Crying Orc”, when seeking to create your own little Uruk Hai, I find that nothing tends to get the juices flowing quicker than some live action role playing or a rousing game of MYFAROG.

Oh and make sure that the “one” ring you wear during your reproductive act is one of those vibrating penis rings – the orgasmic motion of the female vulva is used to suck up “baby batter” into the womb of your wife.

Best wishes on the conception and birth of your own!


Varg “Vulvanator” Vikernes

Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your burning love advice queries and you may see them featured in a future issue of Sexual Sundays!

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