Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Happy Nude Rears

vargmain

Hey Varg,

I hope you have a Happy New Year.  I’m writing in to ask.  My girlfriend has gained a little bit of weight recently and I was thinking we could combine forces in the New Year and start hitting the gym.  She’s got a great dumper and I know with some squats she could take a man’s head off with them cheeks.

How do I bring this up without sounding like some asshole “LOSE WEIGHT FATTY” boyfriend..

Big Booty Boy in Baltimore

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Hello Big Booty Boy,

It appears to me that for this New Year you would very much like to toss some salad and get your good wife’s rear end prepared.  In the words of American recording artist Chingy, I think that it is fair to say you would like to ask your wife, “Damn girl, how did you all that in dem jeans?” and since large posteriors are a sign of the fertility of a woman, I cannot blame you.

The large fat deposits around a woman’s “dumper” as you refer to it can be used as an energy source with which to feed children and as such the dawning of the desire for the booty, has become a primal return to our lust for women who can create children with us.  Since it would appear that you would like at the very least mate with this woman, I suggest that gently you bring up the idea of attending a gymnasium but put the desire onto you.  Women enjoy being taken to these facilities so it is likely she will jump at the idea and then later jump on your cock.

Love,
Varg Vikernes 

Be sure to E-mail Varg with your love advice queries and you may see them featured in future issues of Sexual Sundays.

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