Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Bitch, Please

vargmain

hey Varg

My girlfriend is really hot, great ass great tits and I’ve been eating her pussy, tonguin her pearly knob til she screams and I’ve been hinting that i want her to suck my cock, return the favor you know, I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding like one of the guys who posts on the redpill on reddit.

any advice?

over my head looking for Head in Hamburg

*****************************

Dear Over my Head,

Thank you for writing in to my column in order to put the screws to me, so I can help you put the screws to your good wife.  If I can be so bold?  Do you wash your sugar stick?  What is your pubic hair situation like?  I have found that good strong Valkyries are unlikely to be attracted to a genital situation that looks like so many of their relationships:  unattended to.  Like the restaurants that the bourgeoise pig dogs go to to eat shrimp cocktail and caviar, presentation is most certainly everything, especially when it comes to presenting your good wife with your schlong.

I recommend an overhaul of your dickmeat so you can best butcher your good wife’s mouth hole.  Have you alternately simply thought of telling her “bitch please get down on your goddamn knees” like American rapping recording artists Xzibit?

Best of luck,

Varg “Smash the Mouth or the Pussy” Vikernes

Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your love advice queries and you may see them featured in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

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