Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Balling Some Melons


Dear Varg,

My husband and I have been together for almost ten years now, and I used to think I knew everything about him.  I recently walked in on my husband masturbating with an empty banana skin to the Food Network and this is how I found out he has a sexual attraction to food.

I’m not super understanding of this attraction but I accept him for who he is and I’m into almost anything he could come up with.  After ten years we have had some really wild times in order to keep the spice going in our relationship.

Do you have any advice on what I should do?

I’m a proficient baker so I’m sure I could figure something out.

Fritter Fucker in Frankfurt


Dear Fritter Fucker,

Good woman, as you know I wish to thank you for writing in to my column and may I say that I am always in the market for quality baked goods?  🙂

Food fetishism in sex is a fairly common fetish to have.  I have been told that many Canadians like to add maple syrup into their sexual blowjob sex (I’ve heard it called Risky Rocky Mountain Mountie) and I can assume that other regions and cultures are similar in adding a local flair to their cuisine.  I have heard in the India that cuckholdry and curry is also gaining in popularity.

Is there a specific food dish that your husband likes, or that could be made to be a little bit ‘naughty’, perhaps some Pussy A La King?  Or you could pour some Nesquick syrup over your asshole and get the Hershey highway muddy in preparation.

I have found a video I am attaching that you can peruse at your p’leisure’.  😉

Enjoy “balling” those melons.

Varg ‘Cock and CupCake’ Vikernes



Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your sexual health queries and you may see them featured in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

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