Treading the Missed Mondays:Tank/Craft/Steelheart

OH SHIT WHUDDUP, MEDICATED MASSES!

After zero consideration I’ve decided to repeat a little function from last month, and I’m going to do it on the first monday of every month; THE PLAYLIST.

This past weekend I had the pleasure/repulsion of returning to my old job to cover a weekend for my previous co-worker. Said job is a head shop with the added addition of a lot of heavy metal memorabilia and clothing, and the best part is that I got to do something there most jobs don’t allow you too; Pick the music. The store has a very hefty stereo system with a bumpin’ subwoofer and it only makes whatever you play through sound a hundred times better than your home stereo. The thing about that is, usually both my co-worker and I would have minor disagreements about bands and that’s pretty much as basic as it gets. I think every band has at least something to offer (for the most part; fuck Creed), so I obviously over time came up with solid compromises, and developed playlists and such that amended any musical bickering between us, and those are exactly the ones that I have assembled here today. Let’s start off with a band that was definitely played more heavily than anything else (expect Priest) within these confines: TANK

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Original formed under the name “The Damned”, lead singer and bassist Algy Ward had one very specific staple to talk about. The horrors of war, armour-plated vehicles and occasionally, falling in love. Joining forces in 1980, they released “Power Of The Hunter” in ’82 and front to back you are gonna be bobbing your head. For English production quality of the same era, it’s actually quite balanced in it’s mixing. The always prevalent gravel-rumble of Ward’s voice is clear as day, and more distinct than many of the heavy metal bands from the UK at the time, who all either wanted to sound like Iron Maiden, or The Clash. Distortion barely needed because of how thick the tones are, and every song is an absolute dancer.

Another heavily played selection was a powerhouse group that essentially didn’t get worldwide success because RCA Records “lost interest” in spreading their sophomore album in the states. It went on to be number 73 on big music charts and sell a quarter million albums:

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Centered around guitarist Nick Bowcott’s wild guitar licks and skills with a whammy bar, and the insane voice of frontman Steve Grimmett, four ugly British dudes recorded three albums and 95% of the content on those albums is quality. Real quality. They use a cliché here or there (what band doesn’t?), but aside from that they are comparable to Onslaught or even Judas Priest, and definitely deserve some more ear holes turned their way.

ONWARD.

The obvious downside to selling glasswear, is that we get the “undesirables” to put it as lightly as I’m will.

“I can count the total number of teeth in your mouth with my thumbs, YOU’VE PROBABLY MADE SOME SHITTY LIFE CHOICES.”

In those moments; somewhere between the bitterness of our coffee’s and the dark masses in our hearts reserved for backstabbing ex’s and general narcissism, friend-worker and I came to a silent agreement about some the tunes we played on our bad days; the days where things were downhill from the second the key went in the front door. Some more somber “bleh, it’s cold and dumb outside” black metal to slightly more targeted things, such as “Parasites Die – Birth A.D”. Sticking out heavily above the rest though, is an daaaark little masterpiece with a song we both hated sandwiched in the middle

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Drums that sound like primal bison-skin bound war beasts and so much dissonance that it feels like I’m fading into the wall behind me. If this band had didgeridoo’s I would implode. Craft was far from what I expected at first listen and I like them more and more over time, but the problem is in the middle of the album there is a song called “I want To Commit Murder”.

Yeah, yeah. yeah.

You’re fucking edgy, we get it.

The most predominate thing about that song though is that is reaaally good other than that. Bass never gets production and appreciation like it does on their 2011 release “Void”, so take some time think about the people in your life who you dislike for whatever erroneous reasons and pull some Emperor Palpatine.

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Along the years, I even managed to get some of my dirty love onto our speakers; Hair Metal. Bands like Ratt, Crüe, Firehouse, Whitesnake. . .I don’t know what to tell ya, guys. Those boys rode a very dangerous line between “Are they are sleeping together?” and “Just a denim vest on stage” sex idols. Doing everything they could to brandish both genders into their audiences by writing love songs along side break-up songs and blazing acoustic solo’s were just panty-droppers back then. My choice for today though come from a band called,

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Featuring the second “Ward” bassist for the day, this band gave out falsetto’s like they were going out of style, and had the dumbest drumset you can imagine. Actually fuck that, don’t imagine, here’s a bonus link so you can see this baloney:

I realise half of it sounds like stripper music, Mom, MUHYBE THAS WHY I LIEK IT!

ENJOY THE PAINFULLY LONG DAY BECAUSE OF DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME, NERDS.

Jimmies rustled? Wanna fight about it? Let us know why below!

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