Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Hotline Bling


Dear Varg

How’s it going dude?  Okay so, here’s the thing, my girl and I have been together for a while and a while ago I dropped my cell phone which is an Android and it got cracked.

She’s been on my ass to replace it and said I should get an iPhone.

Steve Jobs was a faggot who had autism so I don’t want to buy a shitty subpar product, so I don’t want to but she’s been really riding my ass about it.

What should I do?

Apple or Android in Austin, Texas


Dear Apple or Android,

While I cannot comment about the perceived benefits or challenges associated with owning a piece of Judeo-Christian third world slave merchandise, I can assure you that if you do not throw your good wife a ‘bone’ on this one, she may be hesitant to hear about your ‘bone’r in the future.

Are you familiar with the song “Hotline Bling” by Canadian recording artist Drake?  I recommend that you listen to this particular song because I fear that if you do not buy your autistic cellular device then you may find that your hotline will cease to ‘bling’.

Best wishes,

Varg “Video-chat” Vikernes

Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your love advice queries and you may see them featured in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

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