My husband and I are happily married and have been for the last fifteen years. We get along great and things are good between us. We have a nice house and a dog and he eats my pussy whenever I want it.. my husband, not the dog.. Recently though, things have gone sour because my mother in law is now staying with us for a few weeks and she’s hyper critical of every aspect of our marriage, refuses to help out around the house, is scared of dogs, dog poop, any form of work, any person who isn’t white, sushi, the dark, driving after 5pm, my family, her family, Wal-Mart, people who play rap music, ‘punk’ kids, any clothes not made at lululemon, hiking, hospitals, nurses, doctors.. Look. Varg. She’s a real mess and I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up on the news in some kind of murder suicide. What should I do?
Murder in Law in Minneapolis
Dear Murder in Law,
Good woman, I thank you here for writing in to my column with your troubles. I must admit, however, that I am not familiar with your particular problem. My mother is a wonderfully supportive Valkyrie of a woman who even once published my questionable psuedo Nationalist pamphlet Vargsmal. I have done some preliminary research and understand that this ‘in law’ problem is one that is common in North America, due to the advancing Judeo Christian agenda. The church would like women to remain as brood mare civil servants for the advancing Judeo-Christian war machine, and when women revolt from this role (such as in your case), the women who remain as part of the “old guard” like your particular mother in law attempt to force others to walk blindly in the path of capitalist Christian greed and corpulence.
I am curious here, and please do not think this question out of place – I must know… Is your mother in law a good looking woman? You said she likes the lululemon clothing and so-called “white” people? I am curious if perhaps she is a MILILF (a mother in law I’d like to fuck) 😉
Perhaps you need to send her my e-mail address. I love Caucasian women with reasonably tight bottoms.
Alternately, if she is not so good looking, you should probably stab her several times and then burn your home down (possibly with your mother in law inside it) and then start over.
Varg “Viva Vagina” Vikernes
Be sure to E-Mail Varg with all your love advice questions and you may see them featured in a future issue of Sexual Sunday.