Trash/Thrash Tuesday: Gift Giver – “Cruisin’ the Chevy”

Oh hey there tiny friends who pilot the friendship ship…  ALL HAIL THE RIDERS OF THE FRIENDSHIP MOOSE.

Alright.

Well, now that we’ve got..  THAT..  sorted.  Look, it’s been a while since I’ve done a TRASH piece, but I was recently accused of being a super bitch (and deeply affected) and I’m kinda salty about that so it’s time to sharpen the old claws on the scratching post of subpar music and boy did I dig up a real doozie in the litter box for you guys..  Ho-Lee shit.

So.  Gift Giver.

Anyone know who they are?  No?

Yeah, me either.

Apparently, it’s these dinguses:

giftgiver.jpg

Wait.  What’s the plural of dingus?  Dingi?

Look, either way these guys are a bunch of try hard lame-o’s and seriously clock the one dude to the very left of the photo..  his fucking head is the same width as his neck.  The utter definition of meathead..  but, we all know metal has no issue with giant fucking necks a la George Corpsegrinder so what the hell, right?

Anyways..  Earlier on this week, I received a series of incomprehensible texts from Scotty F ranting wildly about a band called Gift Giver that he had read about on lambgoat (which btw is the only actual metal news site left due to Metal Cucks being Phil Anselmo gossip rag stalkers.. and Metal Injection doesn’t even exist to me) and fuckery happened.

We got super super baked and popped on their newest track “Cruisin’ the Chevy” and I have to tell you guys, I almost had a psychobilly freak out.  Do you ever hear or see someone do something and you get so much second hand embarassment or you end up cringing so hard you almost grind your teeth down to little nubs of bone snapped off at the gum line?

So that happened, here in the DIAG headquarters.

Who the fuck is listening to this shit pisscouch garbage?

It sounds like if Madchild decided to front Limp Bizkit in the early aughts only with more cocaine and sadness.  This is try hard pussy shit.

Cruisin’ the chevy, rollin up.
With a fifth of kush liquor and a dub.
Cruisin’ the chevy, rollin up.
Ready or not, yeah we coming in hot.

Crusin’ the chevy, rollin up.
We rock the party in the whip, not the club.
Picking up the homies, real ones that really know me.
If you ain’t driving then just sit in the back, enjoy the moment.

Got the rig smelling ripe as a fucking skunk.
Roll something fat, pass it up to the front.
Roach king, yeah I’m always on the hunt.
Always turn up, never turn down a blunt.

When you’re with the White Devil no questions are asked.
Sit in the back while I murder this track.

Cruisin’ the chevy, rollin up.
With a fifth of kush liquor and a dub.
Cruisin’ the chevy, rollin up.
Ready or not, yeah we coming in hot.

Cruisin’ the chevy, rollin up.
Pass around the fifth, no cup.  (OH NO CUP, U EDGY EDGELORD OF THE EDGE)
Twisting up a fatty, shotgunning natty.  (LIKE NATTY LITE YOU FUCKIN TRAILER TRASH)
Got bitches on my dick and it’s sick, they call me daddy.  (NO ONE FUCKS YOU)

Driving fast hitting too much gas.
Hope the pigs got stuffy noses when they drive past.   (WUT)
Roach king, yeah I’ll hit the blunt last.
Always turn up, never turn down a fat ass.  (WUT)

When you’re with the White Devil no questions are asked.
Sit in the back while I murder this track.  (THE ONLY THING BEING MURDERED IS SUBTLETY AND A SENSE OF GOOD TASTE)

Cruisin’ the chevy, rollin up.
With a fifth of kush liquor and a dub.
Cruisin’ the chevy, rollin up.
Ready or not, yeah we coming in hot.

Highway therapy I’m driving away from all my problems.
Thank god for drugs and friends, cause I can’t find a way to solve them.  (KEEP ON KEEPIN ON U BRIGHT ANGEL)

Cruisin’ the chevy, rollin up.
With a fifth of kush liquor and a dub.
Cruisin’ the chevy, rollin up.
Ready or not, yeah we coming in hot.

 

Ok.  WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.

I’m glad the fucking lyrics were posted because HO-LEE-SHIT.  What the fuck is “kush liquor”.  Also.  Who thinks it’s edgy to drink out of the bottle?

No one cares.  I drank a bottle of wine with Rigby on our way to a movie a while ago and we didn’t stop to write a song about how cool it made us look.  Mostly because it didn’t make us look cool.  Brown bagging it, straight out the bottle, whatever you gotta do..  No one gives a shit.  Only fourteen year old scene queens, gauge queens and edge lords think anyone cares about how they are imbibing their swill.

Seriously.  Stop it.

Who makes this music?

This is what’s on the band’s official website:

GIFT GIVER is the latest uncompromising, no-fucks-given gang of hard-living party animals to emerge from one of the world’s most notorious urban landscapes, Detroit.

Look.  We all drink and do drugs.  Doesn’t make you special, or edgy..  again, unless you’re fourteen.  Also, if you aren’t fourteen and you listen to this shit, you need to check over your life path because it’s mostly certainly pointing you down a road of methamphetamines, jail time and living in a trailer park.

This music is bad and you should feel bad.

Also.  I did some great googly moogling and found that this band is also a bunch of alleged homophobes.  Shocking.

Anyways.  I hope that I can pass along to you, my dear readers, this horrifying example of musical fuckery for you to learn from and be haunted by..  just like that scary videotape in the Ring.

Also if you listen to this fucking shit garbage, consider this an intervention.

You’ll thank me one day.

One response to “Trash/Thrash Tuesday: Gift Giver – “Cruisin’ the Chevy”

  1. Pingback: Thrash/Thrash Tuesday: Gift Giver – Bawitdaba | DRUNK IN A GRAVEYARD·

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