I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I did what you said and “ditched the zero and got with a hero” and my new man is great. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. He doesn’t have a job so we can stay at home and have a lot of sex which is great because I like how good at he is. He also slaps my ass and tells me to get him beer which is really cute I think. My ex boyfriend was always asking to “make love” and talking about his feelings, which is pussy shit. I have a pussy and I think it’s pussy shit. The problem is, is that I recently found out my new boyfriend has a rather sordid criminal past. He’s been arrested for stealing, and not like stealing chocolate bars and makeup.. but like.. you know.. breaking and entering and stealing TVs, dirtbikes, laptops.. I found out accidentally, and now all my friends and family are “worried” because they don’t like that I’ve taken up with this guy. It’s none of their fucking business, but I don’t know what to say.
In Love and Larceny in Langley
Dear In Love and Larceny,
Since you already seem to be living in a trailer park, you should not mind so much having extra television screens around so you can watch ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’.
Best of luck,
Be sure to E-mail Varg and you may see your questions answered in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.