Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Stealing TVs and Hearts

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Dear Varg,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend.  I did what you said and “ditched the zero and got with a hero” and my new man is great.  He’s everything I’ve ever wanted.  He doesn’t have a job so we can stay at home and have a lot of sex which is great because I like how good at he is.  He also slaps my ass and tells me to get him beer which is really cute I think.  My ex boyfriend was always asking to “make love” and talking about his feelings, which is pussy shit.  I have a pussy and I think it’s pussy shit.  The problem is, is that I recently found out my new boyfriend has a rather sordid criminal past.  He’s been arrested for stealing, and not like stealing chocolate bars and makeup..  but like..  you know..  breaking and entering and stealing TVs, dirtbikes, laptops..  I found out accidentally, and now all my friends and family are “worried” because they don’t like that I’ve taken up with this guy.  It’s none of their fucking business, but I don’t know what to say.

 

In Love and Larceny in Langley

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Dear In Love and Larceny,

Since you already seem to be living in a trailer park, you should not mind so much having extra television screens around so you can watch ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’.

Best of luck,

Varg Vikernes

 

Be sure to E-mail Varg and you may see your questions answered in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

 

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