Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Deep Discounts

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Hi Varg

I really think this column is fun to read, thanks for doing it.  I have been wanting to write in for a while and so here goes..  I’m a twenty five year old woman and I like to think I live a nice life.  I’m into extreme couponing and it’s a big part of who I am.  I’m not an asshole or anything because I give a lot of stuff to charity and it helps me sleep at night.

The last guy I went out with ended up not calling again when he came over and saw a lot of my coupon piles and stuff.  I think he thought I was crazy.

I have a date coming up and was curious what I should do.  I feel like coupons are part of my soul.

Down for Deep Discounts in Detroit

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Dear Deep Discounts,

Thank you good woman for writing in to my column this week with your troubles.  I think that it is quite the predicament you find yourself in.  I must state that I did not initially understand your current problem as I am unfamiliar with this “extreme couponing”.  While I initially felt it to be somewhat miserly of you to engage in such a Judeo-Christian practice of the hoarding of resources, I have decided that in such troubled economic times such as these, having flats of laundry soap and Colgate toothpaste is not so ridiculous.  If I must be honest with you, I also appreciate a good deal and am fond of finding bargains at the market, though I prefer to think of them as “vargains” :-).

I believe that any good potential husband should be able to understand that in the hunter and gatherer dichotomy of marriage, in that a husband should be the hunter, the wife acts as the gatherer and in this way I believe that your “extreme couponing” as you call it, suits this purpose.

Be open with your date about your hobbies, because he is likely into similarly questionable things and you may find a bonding point.  If things do not work out with your man, you and I can always hoard food and wild game in a private bunker if you know what I mean ;-).

Love,

Vargain-Hunter Vikernes 

 

Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your burning love advice queries and you may see them featured in future issues of Sexual Sundays.

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