Trash/Thrash Tuesday: Jeffree Star – “Prom Night”

Ho-Lee Shit.

K, so, when I wrote my bit last week on the whole Kat Von D / Jeffree Star dramz, I did some poking around in Jeffree Star’s youtube videos and stumbled upon what I can only communicate to you as solid gold. Now, like I said in the bit from last week, I’ve known of Jeffree Star for a lotta years and truthfully I don’t know much about him beyond the fact that he’s ridiculously beautiful and just plain ridiculous.

Now, back in the myspace days (anyone else feel old as fuck. SIT DOWN SONNY LET GRANNY CRAFT A TALE FOR YE), Jeffree Star was famous for being stylish and androgynous and ridiculous.. and he began to record “music”. Now. Let’s not go nuts here. The “We Want Cunt” song is pretty much barely music, so yeah let’s not say things are one thing when they clearly aren’t.

Anyways.. I didn’t know that Jeffree Star continued to make music? I stumbled upon some new videos and damn. I cringed so hard my jaw has been sore for days.

I might need to get my teeth replaced actually, you know from grinding on them so hard. Do you think I could file some type of claim for this? What are the benefits of getting dentures at 30?

More on this later.

Anyways, Jeffree. So yeah. Didn’t know he still made music. Well I guess he apparently quit a while ago and this song is from 2012 but it was so laughably bad and super cringey that I had to comment.

Now this criticism is on the music/lyrics/video, and not a criticism at Jeffree. He can do whatever the fuck he wants.. clearly it’s working as he has way more money and fame than I ever will and I can’t blame a bitch for a good hustle, so fuckin’ props to him I guess.

Seriously though, please join me for a definite TRASH on this Trash/Thrash Tuesday because holy dick this music is just awful.
First of all. Jeffree Star is my age. He’s in his 30s. I don’t really understand the mid 30s people preaching down to much younger audiences. Prom Night? Dude. If you’re still in your 30s worrying about high school dances, wtf went wrong in your life? Like. Y u do dis.

Anyways so this song is especially lulzy for me because one of the lines (pretty much the only line) is “we’re gonna party like it’s prom night, we’re gonna fuck like it’s the first time”.
Okay. First off, bitch. Party like it’s prom night? With your gawky too long limbs, training bra, braces, teenage acne, and fucked up haircuts?
Second of all.. Fuck like it’s our first time. Sadly and awkwardly, likely with premature ejaculation and crying (am I describing anyone else’s first sexual experience or is that just me?).
Like. This music is so shitty.

I just can’t wrap my head around this. Who is this music aimed at?
Surely not anyone over the age of 23. This is for teenage edgelords at best.
Rolling up to prom with a huge drag queen with a Queen Amidala wig to really show them normies by having said drag queen murder someone.
WHAT.
Ah, the great American dream, isn’t it? Take a gun out of a designer bag and blow your fucking problems away.

Jesus Christ.

Seriously though, I’m from the government and I need to know who actually listens to this stuff. Tell me.

We’re gonna party like it’s prom night
(oh woah)
We’re gonna fuck like it’s our first time
(oh woah)
We’re gonna party like it’s prom night
(oh woah)
I just wanna sweat it out
On my clothes and in your mouth,yeah

Dress me up, paint the town
Spike the punch
(oh woah)
Got me gone, I’m blown, I’m out to lunch
(oh woah)
Taser in my pocket
Got the flask, got the pipe
I know, I know what you like
I know, I know what you like

I’ll come pick you up
(I know you wanna)
Disappear with us
(we’re going under)
Underneath your love
(make a dirty mess)
I’ll make you remember this

Dress me down, turn me on
Spill my drink
(oh woah)
Push it hard, push it good
Make me scream
(AHH oh woah)
I’ve never done this before
Condom wrappers on the floor
Oops I lied
Yeah we do this all the time

I’ll come pick you up
(i know you wanna)
Disappear with us
(we’re going under)
Underneath your love
(make a dirty mess)
I’ll make you remember this

I can’t wait around
I’m gonna steal the crown
Everything I want I get
C’mon gimmie gimmie kiss
(muah)

We don’t waste our time
I’m too hot
You’re too fine
You take everything I give
C’mon put this on your lips
(ha, ha ha ha)

Oh my god you look so beautiful
Wow, thank you

Anyways. I need to go cut my own dick off and throw it across the road into my neighbors swimming pool. Hahahaha.. jk. What’s a swimming pool? I’m not bougie enough for that.

And I mean.. truthfully, neither is Jeffree Star because he seems to keep stealing art from people, which is pretty ratchet.

But for real though. Party like it’s prom night and remember to always stay spooky! #bougiegoth