Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Sexual Healing


Hey Varg

I was in a car accident a while ago and hurt my arm and back.  I haven’t been able to take old one eye to the optometrist in a little while if you know what I’m saying and I’m starting to get really depressed.  I don’t have a girlfriend right now, what should I do.

Feeling Frustrated in Fresno


Dear Feeling Frustrated,

Here I express to you my sympathy with your injury.  It is difficult for a warrior to be “out of commission” and this must be a difficult time for you.  However, know that you walked away from the battle (car accident) and survived.  Though the gates of Valhalla were not opened to you, this simply means that your time here on this meagre plane of Midgard is not yet completed.  

In the meanwhile, I do believe some sexual healing to be in order.

Do prostitutes exist where you are located?

In the capitalist pig dog country of America, I am told it is quite easy to order most varieties of fried food and illegal drugs delivered directly to your door. Procuring some ‘pussy’ to pound at with your broken body should be relatively easy.

Remember to engage in safe sex, and if all else fails, ride the hershey highway to avoid unwanted pregnancy. 🙂


Vark Vikernes

P.S.:  Also, are you familiar with the great recording artist Marvin Gaye?  I think you would enjoy this song.

Be sure to E-mail Varg about all your love troubles and you may see your question posted in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

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