Pokemon GO

Well, I’ve been sitting on this one for the past few days over here, and like all farts that get bottled up and slowly become potent enough to eat the stitching out of Levi’s, and kill all the plants in your home, this one is gonna get unleashed, so excuse me while I loosen my pants.  Er.  Leggings.  Pants are for teachers and rich people.

So the internet is arguing semantics between black lives matter and all lives matter, and the rest of the goddamn population is waxing idiotic and arguing about fucking Pokemon GO, the newest augmented reality game that is causing everyone to collectively dump in their drawers in either excitement or rage.  Man, we really have issues around here at the graveyard.  Two paragraphs in and most articles are talking about shit, piss, Frank Grillo, or necrophilia.  Please pray for us..  We aren’t well.

So, in an effort of transparency, I fucking hate Pokemon.  I think it’s a brilliant scheme devised to sell toys to children, like Power Rangers, like Sailor Moon, like Dragon Ball.  I’m 30.  I was too old for when Pokemon came out to get it.  I played it once on the original Gameboy and it was stupid as fuck and I’ve kinda assumed that I missed something somewhere along the way.  Pokemon has just straight up never grabbed my attention.  Truthfully, neither has Super Mario, but let’s not start in with that.

Now..  allow me to be up front here.  It is somewhat alarming to me that the majority of folks getting fucking hyped about this game are probably my age and thus, probably a little bit too old for it, but….  and here’s a major but..  that’s none of my business.

Of course I eyeroll when I mindlessly scroll through facebook while I’m shitting on company time and see a lot of Pokemon GO screenshots, but I do the same thing when people get psyched up about the newest James Wan Conjuring jump scare fright fest, or when I see that fortieth article about the Ghostbusters remake, or when any story from VICE appears on my dashboard..  but the thing is..  while I’m entitled to that eyeroll, it’s not really my place to judge the activities of others.

From someone who spends an inordinate amount of time around dead animals, sings to their cat, drinks red wine in a black clawfoot bathtub while listening to Bauhaus, and painting everything in my sight black..  I can’t really judge.  Like.  I run this goddamn website.  I have employed an ex convict murderer arsonist to write love advice for me.  I routinely talk about taking shitloads of LSD and laughing at Ace Ventura movies.  Some people looking in at my life are probably busting a gut at how ridiculous and shitty of a person I am, and let’s get real here, I am pretty ridiculous and shitty.

Now..  What I’ve learned from the school of hard knocks is some pretty basic ass truths that we all somehow seem to ignore, and one of those truths is that..  we are all different.  Our values and our dreams, our goals, and who we are are so uniquely shaped.  I value writing.  I value this website as more than what it is.  Drunk in a Graveyard gives me a voice and it keeps me sane.  But for someone else, this would be completely stupid, and it is completely stupid.  I get emails on the daily telling me to kill myself.  Rigby still gets emails telling her to die in a fire because she once wrote an article about how she didn’t understand ultimate Frisbee.

So how I’m relating this to Pokemon GO is that I not only see a million posts about how awesome and fun this game is, I see just as many posts of people complaining about seeing all these posts, complaining about people sharing their experiences and you know what, stop it.  Seriously.

I found a web comic online that shared a truth I believe..  There’s no trophy for being uninterested.  If you truly aren’t interested, unfollow that friend, or unfriend them.  Or, you know what..  scroll right on by.  Whenever playoff season comes around and a bunch of people on my facebook are going fucking nuts over Seahawks this, Canucks that, I just keep scrolling.  I don’t get sports.  The idea of fat sports fans who probably couldn’t make one go around a track screaming about sportsmanship has never made much sense to me, but hey..  I almost failed gym, so what do I know.

Well..  aside from wrestling and lacrosse, but let’s be real, I only joined lacrosse so I could mule kick other girls and use that stick as a dangerous weapon.  Teen angst and all.

Now, I’m gonna go a bit Dr. Phil on you fuckers here for a moment, and just relax..  let is happen, prepare your anus.

I know it might seem #edgy to jump on facebook (ironyyyy) and tell everyone on your friendslist about the losers you saw outside playing Pokemon GO, but hold the fucking phone for a moment.  Now here’s where I’m gonna work my inner counsellor on you all..  you ready?

Flip that script.  The one in your mind that society has ingrained in us all that tells us that because of X characteristic/interest that we are somehow better than someone with Y characteristic/interest, and take a step back.  Realize that no one cares if you don’t like something or someone, and try for just one moment to see things in the big picture.

Pokemon GO is getting people up and outside.  I know that seems like not a lot, but, for a lot of the people in the 30+ category who are nerds who probably don’t have much self esteem to begin with, they might be depressed, they might be overweight, they might have social anxiety.  Getting out for a long walk to catch Pokemon beats sitting on your ass jerking off stalefish at home alone.  We have opinions, and I’m certainly no different..  I think there’s a lot better things we could get out and do to keep ourselves from descending into madness.  I take photographs.  I listen to music or read.  But these are my values.  My opinion, while I’m entitled to it, does not make this opinion some form of cosmic truth.  This is my version of the truth.

I think it’s important that we all question the hegemony of our beliefs and stop thinking about only ourselves.

So, here’s some cosmic truth for you.  We all know that the nerdy guys down and the comic book shop whose butt crack isn’t quite covered by their sweatpants, probably don’t feel too great about themselves.  Hundreds of medical studies demonstrate that the bookish type people, the nerd types are way more likely to suffer from poor self esteem, depression, anxiety, social issues etc, and, the easiest and most readily available and free cure, to depression..  is exercise.  It’s vitamin D.  It’s socializing.  Seems pretty simple, right?  Go out for a walk, get your muscles working.  When you sit around being sad, you know who works out?  Your depression.  Your grief.  Your anxiety.  These things get a real long work out, when you’re sad at home eating ice cream telling yourself you’re a piece of shit because those size 12 pants didn’t fit.  When your depression gets a good work out, it keeps you from getting up, it gains a little bit of power and keeps you down even more.

When all your muscles are tired from walking or kicking ass to the new Britney CD at the gym, your brain and thus your depression is too tired to say shit.  You sleep better, because your anxiety is busy taking a dirt nap after you drank two protein shakes and went to do deadlifts.  That little voice that keeps you up with worry isn’t there, because it’s sleeping.  When you heart is full after a night with friends, the sadness that’s inside doesn’t have room anymore.

So, while I do think Pokemon is stupid as fuck.  I can’t argue with something that for many people has immense value not only as a tool for meeting others, but as a tool to help conquer some inner sadness, even for a while.

While I generalize in my above musings, as certainly not all nerdy people have mental health issues, we could all stand to get a bit more exercise, get some vitamin D, and in turn, be a little kinder out there.

One thing I’ve noticed more than anything is how easily people on my facebook have slammed Pokemon GO and it’s players.  People who have full sleeve Quentin Tarantino tattoos, people who are rabid Seahawks fans, people who listen to metal, people who play D&D.  Let’s not throw stones here, okay?  Because yeah, to a lot of people, the above mentioned interests can paint us all as huge ridiculous unfuckable nerds. I recently bought a bunch of collectible Sadako versus Kayako merch from Japan because Japanese ghost movies are my favourite.  I’m a huge, sad, terrible nerd.

And, let’s get serious here…  it always sucks when you’re telling someone, opening up to them for just a moment about something..  maybe you beat a video game, or scored a goal, or took an amazing photo when they light was right, and you’re so excited you’re practically frothing at the mouth about it, trying to share and impart this excitement to someone else, and you look up and you see that faint hint of bemusement in their smile..  They humor you, or even full out laugh in your face.  Maybe after a while of this, you get taught that lesson to stop sharing, and maybe you do.  Maybe you’re like me and you keep on yapping to anyone because people with ASD can’t figure out when to shut the fuck up.  Maybe this doesn’t apply to you.

For those who it does apply to – I hear you.  I’ve been there.  That feeling is shitty.

I’m sorry that’s happened to you.

Further to the ASD point, I saw a really lovely status online about a woman whose autistic child got out and social due to Pokemon GO.  This had never happened before.  For him and all the little guys like him, thats a fucking milestone.  If this goddamn game does nothing beyond make that little guy edge out of his shell a bit, then fuck, sign me up, I’m 500% on board.  And truthfully, further to this, doesn’t the creator of Pokemon have ASD?

I’ve avoided raining on anyone’s parade online, simply because I am genuinely not interested.  Someone playing or not playing Pokemon doesn’t effect my life.  But, I really think that if this fucking game is making someone happy, making them get up and outside and get a little sunshine, get a walk, and maybe it’s making them a bit more cheerful, a bit more easy in their interactions with others, then I can’t argue with that ripple effect of good.  We live in a world with a lot of horror.  I see a lot of bad things, and I see a lot of horror everyday.  I have seen and continue to see the depths of human suffering and depravity and I know that in comparison to many others, I’ve barely scratched the surface.  What I can say here is, challenge yourself and challenge the hegemony of this discussion.  It doesn’t make you cool to not like something, and it doesn’t make you better than someone else if you elect to not play a game or listen to that band, or whatever.

It seems a bit rich coming from someone like me who’s built a whole website on taking the piss out of genre films, but remember, even while I’m doing so, I can’t argue with the fact that just because a genre film doesn’t work for more, it might scare the shit out of someone else and there’s nothing better than a good scare right?

I dunno.  There’s something about this discussion that we need to have.  While it’s not cool to preach hippie ass stuff like let’s just try to love one another, the truth is..  that sentiment isn’t too far off.  Try to put some more understanding in yourself, into your decisions.  Stop taking things so seriously, so literally, and just..  try to see that silver lining.

Anyways.  I’m sure this has gone way over into TL;DR and I’m equally sure no one gives a shit.

Until next time, catch those Pokemon and stay spooky.

One response to “Pokemon GO

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