Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Gym, Tanning, Pokemon?


Dear Varg,

so my boyfriend told me a while ago that hes been going to the gym.  He comes home really sweaty and I thought you know good for him right.  Ok so yeah I was fuckin psyched that he was making some positive life changes and it turns out he was talking about going to the Pokemon gyms in pokemon Go with his friends.

I guess hes still getting exercise because you have to walking around to catch the Pokemon, but I dont like being lied to.

Should i say anything?

Poke my Man in Pittburgh



Hello Poke my Man,

Thank you for writing to me with your concerns.  I will admit to you that I am not so familiar with this Pokemon Go game.  I do not agree with the conceptual idea behind most video games, especially since the Judeo Christian agenda dictates that our modern shackles of slavery are not made of steel, but rather comfortable couches from deplorable locations like IKEA and PlayStations.

Consumption is truly the American Dream.

With this stated, I admit that I am interested in a game that gets the player out of the house and moving around.  To battle Pokemon is something of a blood sport, two animals fighting to the death, like the Eastern European dog fights I have attended.  Have you attended a dog fight?  It is a glorious place, an animal Thunderdome where two contestants enter and one leaves with glory and his opponents blood shining like armor upon him.

The weak contestants fall, their deaths are the ultimate consumption.  The crowd of track suit wearing Europeans with gold teeth drinking vodka slaver like Pavlov’s dogs over the fresh blood spilling to the Earth.  It is a manly endeavour.

While chasing ching chong Chinamen cartoon characters is not precisely like the great sport of dog fighting, it may be helpful to view this activity as similar.

There are far more tragic endeavours your spouse could be getting up to, but I caution you about the level of behaviour you are willing to accept.  Lying is a slippery slope of poor decisions and if he is lying to you this, you should ask yourself what else he may be telling untruths about.

Best of luck,

Vargi-chu Vikernes



Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your burning love advice questions and you may see them feature in a future issue of Sexual Sunday.

Please note: Varg has stated he is receiving a higher than normal amount of questions lately and he will answer them all, but it does take a while for him to get to the questions. Please keep writing in!

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