What’s up, weirdos? I know it’s been a while since I talked about a movie on the Internet, so I thought I’d stick to what i do best… namely talk about a random shit-piece that no one has ever heard of. Luckily, this well will never run dry, and I found just such a shit-piece on amazon called Bunni. Strap yourselves in, kids… this one’s a doozy. Like 45 minute films with 20 mins of credits to pad it to feature length? Like jarring fade-to-black endings that don’t offer resolution? Like bottom of the barrel amateur hour acting? This might be the movie for you. But enough sweet talk, let’s go ahead and flush this turd.

The poster art is admittedly WAAAAAAAAY better than the final product

So, right off the bat, we’re introduced to a horrible white trash couple. The dude is sitting on the couch with a probably piss warm domestic beer, while his wife finishes up her shower. We’re treated to a tasteful glimpse of side boob as she gets dressed. I always get a little weirded out by nude scenes in these ultra low budget films, because this was probably the only friend the director could talk into showing the goods, and you can tell she’s not super cool with it. Anyway, she emerges from the shower (with ridiculous trashy eye makeup intact),and confronts her husband on her suspicions that he’s cheating on her. Apparently, he’s been calling his side chick from the house phone, which is just really poor form. She called the number, and said it belonged to a woman named Bunni, and then she accidentally spilled some wine, which made him fly off the handle and smack her around. Don’t get too comfortable with these two. They don’t show up again until waaaaay later.

We cut to several years later, and a bunch of teenagers (I think they’re supposed to be teenagers, but they all look to be in their 30s?) Gets ready for a big halloween party. We have all the typical “sexy” costumes… a sexy red riding hood, a sexy referee, and our main character, a sexy girl from that Blind Melon video. The guys, not to be outdone, are Hulk Hogan, a guy dressed as a ninja turtle who looks like fat Jeremy Renner, and a cartoonishly douchy asshole who can’t be bothered to wear a costume. All winners, that’s for sure.

And here’s our main cast full of coffee shop janitors

The kids hang out at the party for a bit, until the douchey guy pisses everyone off, and they have to leave. This guy is basically Paul Rudd from Wet Hot American Summer, but not played for laughs. He’s the kind of guy who cheats on his girlfriend (the aforementioned Red Riding Hood),films it, and shows his friends. He also hits on other girls while he’s out with his lady. He’s also played by the writer/director, so take that for what it’s worth.

The asshole even makes his lady give him a beejer shortly before having his dick cut off and shoved down his throat. It’s a classy film.

So, after leaving the party, the group passes an old, boarded up sex shop, and Fat Jeremy Renner suggests they break in and see what’s up. It’s worth noting that the only thing that they find in this sex shop is a pair of oversized novelty sunglasses,and nothing at all sex shop related. Anyway, the douche nozzle and Red Riding Hood split off from the rest of the group to screw, and they are almost immediately killed by a woman in lingerie, a doll mask, and black bunny ears. No set up at all, just dead people.

Ok, I’ll admit it… this is moderately hot

Things move pretty fast, since this is really a 45 minute film with about 20 mins of credits, and the others are killed until we’re left with Bee Girl & Fat Jeremy Renner. It’s revealed that Fat Jeremy Renner led them all there to be killed, and the killer is really his mom. Not only that, but she was the woman from the white trash couple at the beginning of the movie. Bee Girl ends up killing Fat Jeremy Renner, and when stalked by the killer, she admits that she’s pregnant with FJR’s baby. This makes the killer hesitate, and Bee Girl takes advantage and kills her too. Then we cut to black, and the credits roll.

BUT NOT SO FAST! WE’VE GOT A POST CREDIT SCENE! Actually, the post credit scene is almost 20 more minutes of plodding, poorly shot epilogue with no score. Bee Girl had her baby, and her mom is coming over to see her. She opens the door, and her mom crumples to the ground with a knife in her back, and there we see that Fat Jeremy Renner is still alive, and out for vengeance. They chase around for a bit until he incapacitates her, and picks up the baby. She screams NOOOOOOOOOO, and the movie just stops.. So in a movie with 2 endings, we get zero endings. Pretty cool stuff there, assholes.

Worth noting is there’s a cheap scare involving these trick or treaters (from the 80’s I guess? ) knocking on her door at two in the goddamn afternoon

So, the good news here is that this thing is mercifully short. It’s also incredibly easy to avoid watching. That’s about as positive as I’m gonna get here. This was one of the more confusing things I’ve watched… not because of zany shit happening, but because everything just seemed so damn pointless. It was 65 minutes of nothing. It wasn’t even bad enough to enjoy on an ironic level. It’s just there. Watch it if you want… I’m not your boss. But be prepared to get mildly disappointed in your life for at least an afternoon.

– Johnny Zontal @johnnyzontal