Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Blood Play and Baywatch Nights

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Dear Varg,

Hey man so, I have wanted to write in for a while but I havee been a bit embarassed because I guess this is kind of weird.  I have been dating this really nice girl, I guess she’s a bit goth.  We met on a dating site and she’s pretty cool with everything I am into.  Lately she’s been getting into vampire fiction books and she wants us to cut each other and drink each others blood.  I’m not opposed to the idea because I know neither of us has diseases, but it just seems a bit weird to me?  I don’t really know how I should approach the situation or what I should say?  I’m not getting any younger, you know so I do not want too say no to her and she dumps me or something yano.

Bloody Confused in Baltimore

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Dear Bloody Confused,

Did you know that blood sacrifices were an integral part of life in the Norse tradition?  Similarly to the tradition of couples entering fields to engage in coitus in hopes of sympathetic magic sowing “the wild oats” and encouraging the crops to grow, so too did farmers sow their fields with the blood of animals slain in the name of Freyjr.  Blood is known to be the prime power of life and carries with it the essenve of our ancestors.  Did you also know that semen and blood are only a few DNA alterations away from each other?  I tend to view this prediliction to blood play as similar to the swapping of regular sexual fluid.  There is something quite primal about blood that seems to really get women aroused.  It is documented in the history books that proud Viking conquerors would return home from battle covered in the blood of their enemies and it is during this time that many babies would be conceived as wives would copulate excessively with their good husbands.  I worry not about blood diseases as you say that you and your good wife are “clean”, something I somehow doubt given that you live in Baltimore, but, I do wonder about the swapping of blood carrying with it evil spirits.  Have you seen the television show called Baywatch Nights?  It is a spin off series of the ever popular bosom bouncing 1990s Americana series Baywatch and the second season of this show has a great episode where a woman is in a car accident with an evil man and when their blood mixes she becomes possessed until the blood can be removed from her body in some way, like a giant centrifuge of some variety.  I think that this should be a concern when you mix blood with your lady, and endeavour you to make sure that you both realign your chi before engaging in this particular hemostatic sacrifice.

Yours Always,

Vik Varneson

 

Be sure to E-Mail Varg all your burning romantic questions and they may be featured in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

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