Oh hey there little friends.  How’s it going on this Trash/Thrash Tuesday?  Did you spend the weekend sick as hell at home watching weird movies like me?  It’s okay, I got you boo.  I was a big lame-o this weekend because I was super super sick, which is kinda shitty.

But having some time to my lonesome does mean that I got to finally check out some episodes of Penny Dreadful the television series and I have to say – where’ve you been all my life, show about spoopy Victorian stuff.  Like.  Penny Dreadful did vampires better in one episode than the Strain did for however many seasons of Muppets the vampire edition was allowed to be on television.

K straight up, can we please agree that the Strain had a dope ass concept and great backing material but that the show fucking sucked huge dong?

I’ve never been more angry at wasted oppurtunity.  When that goth dude pisses his own dick off and the king of vampires or whatever ends up looking like he was crafted shittily by a drunken intern at the Jim Henson workshop.  Jesus titty fucking christ.

Happy to say that Penny Dreadful was pretty to look at and the vampire concept seemed cool.  That said though, I only watched a handful of episodes so there’s a good chance this show goes to absolutely wreck and ruin but I just haven’t gotten there yet.

So, inspired by newfound (but extremely wary) love of Penny Dreadful, I got to thinking about the song Penny Dreadful by Skyclad.  Now, I’m gonna make myself seem old as fuck here but Skyclad is pretty rad, yeah?  Nothing like folk metal, is there?

Elvenking actually did a cover of this song and it sounds pretty spot on (and the singer from Elvenking is pretty fucking hot), but the original is still pretty good even though it’s about not selling out and calls out shitty metal bands, which truthfully is something I’m all about.

I’m toying with the idea of just giving up reviewing metal all together and just reviewing old medieval music and classical pieces, but seriously if I get one more promo from a band with the word “doom” in it, I’m going to carve out my dick with a rusty cooking spoon.

Anyways, here’s some folk metal for you on this gloomy Trash/THRASH Tuesday.

Oh and yes btw, this is definitely a THRASH piece.  Some folks think you can’t THRASH to folk metal and I’m here to tell you to go fuck yourself.  Folk metal shows are the best shows because no one is on cocaine, people are in costumes and many jigs are done.

Forgive me if I’m out of order –
this new ‘music’ has no soul.
It may be good for making money,
(sadly that is not my goal).
Integrity and honesty are words that you don’t understand,
but you’re the best – it says so in the penny dreadful in your hand.
I saw you in a magazine,
they’re calling you messiah.
They must be living in a dream –
they couldn’t be more wrong.
If we’d played this riff more punk
then maybe we’d have had a million seller.
but this piper’s tune is not for sale,
(I’m glad to say I’m not that kind of fella).
D.J.s, V.J.s, pimps and trollops,
never mind music – this is bollocks.
I saw you in a magazine,
they’re calling you messiah.
They must be living in a dream –
they couldn’t be more wrong.
Turn on, tune up, cash in, sell out.
Stand your ground behind the times –
and refuse to follow fashion.
Write your poetry with anger,
(and then sing it with a passion).
Painted faces in a circus – images that spring to mind,
when I read my penny dreadful filled with pictures of your kind.
I saw you in a magazine,
they’re calling you messiah.
They must be living in a dream –
they couldn’t be more wrong.
Commercial suicide’s appealing after
ten years on this losing streak.
‘Cause I’d rather be called sour and bitter
than be deemed the flavour of the weak.
I saw you in a magazine,
they’re calling you messiah.
They must be living in a dream –
they couldn’t be more wrong.
Extra, extra, read all about it!
I saw you in a magazine,
they’re calling you messiah.
They must be living in a dream –
they couldn’t be more wrong.

And since I actually really like Elvenking and their hot AF singer, I’m gonna pop their version of this track on here as well:

The singer is totally hot right?

Anyways, let me know down in the comments what you think.  Which version do you like better?