Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Game of Friendzones

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Dear Varg,

I’m a good dude and I think there are a lot of other good guys like me out there who really want to get with a chick but she either does not even know I exist or I end up carrying her books home.  Pretty tired of being friendzoned and watching her go after douche bags.  The sad thing is too that even characters in Game of Thrones like Ser Jorah ends up friendzoned by khaleesi which is bullshit because he’s a good knight.

Friendzoned in Fresno

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Dear Friendzoned,

Your letter is not really a question so much as a statement, and since this is an advice column and you have written in with what I can only imagine to be a shortened version of your life’s manifesto – your meagre intelligence may in fact be why despite being a “good guy” you end up playing BFF to these supposed “douchebags” that catch the interest of your khaleesi.

I query here as well why seemingly all of white North America and many other parts of the world are so enamored with the poorly written fantasy epic series Game of Thrones.  The creators of this show and the portly author of the book canon have simply tricked basic individuals into loving fantasy by putting large breasted women on the television and now everyone is ready to play some Dungeons and Dragons.  I will say here as well that in a way I am thankful for this popularity because it means that my MYFAROG role playing game has sold many copies.

Further still, I must say that if you are obsessed with a fantasy series about knights and busty princesses and do not practice your own brand of chivalry, you are simply, a “false” and this may also sum up why you have yet open the satin drawbridge of your good lady’s petticoats.

All the best on your sword practice that is without a doubt one handed.

Love,

Viscount Vikernes

Do you have questions on how to woo your very own khaleesi, or simply want to know some Dungeons and Dragons tips? Be sure to E-mail Varg with all your buring questions and you may see them in a future issue of Sexual Sunday.

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