Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Baking Sourdough Bread

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Dear Varg,

I’m a lesbian and my girlfriend said recently that I should go get checked out by the doctor because she thought I might have a yeast infection because I had a lot of discharge.  Turns out I did and I took my medicine for it but she still won’t go down there because she said she’s freaked out that I had pussy fungus.

Fairly Fungal in Fort Lauderdale

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Hello Fairly Fungal,

While I sympathize with your girlfriend’s gross out factor around fungus, has she never eaten mushrooms?  It would appear your particular “pizza pussy slice” just came with a few extra toppings on that go around, and since you have taken your medicine and solved the issue, I should not forsee this to go much beyond this point.  Perhaps a little bathtub foreplay before your next bedroom romp of sodomy would put her mind at ease and get your juices flowing again (and I am not talking about kombucha!)  Speaking of kombucha, did you know that this ancient fermented (I would jest here that this drink is fermented, much like your panty drawer) drink made from tea is actually very beneficial in curing up short rounds with pussy pruritus that tends to come along with yeast infections?  My wife is a daily drinker of this awful beverage and she believes it is a cure all.  

If things do not work out with your girlfriend, I have recently read an article about a woman who baked a loaf of bread using yeast from her vagina, and there’s always a market for high quality baked goods.

Best Wishes!

VarK Vikernes

 

Be sure to E-mail Varg with all of your deepest and darkest (although this week was a bit too dark..  yikes!) love confessions and you may see them in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

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