In the words of Ricky from the Trailer Park Boys – “What’s that smellin’ I smell?”  The answer is, the first ever Drunk in a Graveyard beauty product review.  Someone alert the media.  Wait.  We are the media. Alright then, well fuck it.

So, allow me to preface this a touch by saying, I’m not a “perfume” person.  I have very very sensitive skin and I am also very sensitive to strange chemical smells that tend to make up the majority of perfumes and body sprays.  Also, despite having a vagina, I might as well be a dude for all my interest in “beauty”.  I have a hard time remembering to brush my hair which is pretty obvious given the amount of twigs and other garbage entangled within it and also why I had dreadlocks down to my ass for a lot of years.

For years now, I’ve worn nothing more than some organic deodorant and patchouli blend essential oil, which most everyone refers to as “hippie stank”, but hey it beats smelling like last night’s whiskey and yesterday’s bong water.  At the same note, it also beats smelling like a nitroglycerin plant made the toxic equivalent of an atomic bomb out of sickly smelling vanilla and strawberry bubble gum.  You ever walk by someone out and about and they have so much perfume on that you can fucking taste it in your mouth?  That’s like my everyday living nightmare.  I take the bus with this babe and she’s super nice and well meaning but god damn she smells like a nuclear accident at a gum drop factory.  Truthfully I’d rather smell like an old hippie.  Anyways, I had it recommended to me to try out some essential oil blends by Haute Macabre and the legendary Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab.

Their exclusive twinset of fragrances is the As Above So Below set crafted by the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, with what is above corresponding to that which is below, and let me tell you, don’t let the cost dissuade you.  This stuff smells amazing.  Though I was initially drawn more to the So Below scent which is made up of amber and black copal with black coconut, Sumatran red patchouli, green cardamom pod, and golden musk and is a little darker and more earthy, the As Above (leather drenched with white patchouli, oak bark, bourbon vanilla, bitter almond, and Moroccan jasmine) blend has really grown on me as well and both can be very amazing when mixed together.

Ringing in at $55USD before shipping, the cost can seem a bit daunting, but the thing is – if you spend $5 on perfume or whatever cotton candy insect repellant/body spray Wal Mart is selling, you’re going to smell gross.  Period.  You get what you pay for, or in this case, don’t pay for so in the words of so many divas – treat yo self.

These special oils are currently out of stock in the full sizes, but you can find sample sizes on the Haute Macabre bigcartel shop as well as some dope ass Vlad Tepes enamel pins which you should also purchase just because.