I’m writing in this week with a question that will undoubtedly make me sound like a total ass, but here it is anyways. I’ve been hooking up with this chick right and she’s pretty good looking, has a few tattoos and some hidden piercings, really big fucking tits, but the thing is I’m embarassed to bring her around my friends because.. well, she’s a large lady. She isn’t just a bigger girl that has eaten a few too many pieces of pizza, she’s been eating many full pizzas for a long time. She’s a big woman. The thing is, I don’t mind, but I’m worried my friends would give me a hard time for banging a fatty. What should I do?
Chubby Chaser in Chetwynd
Dear Chubby Chaser,
While I can certainly understand the proclivities that would lead you to seek the comfort of a large woman, and further I also understand what it is like to have a most insufferable and decidedly immature friendgroup, I must urge you caution, because you are a at crossroads within your life and you must ask yourself this: which path will I be taking? Would you like to sit around dive bars or poorly thought out heavy metal shops discussing whatever banal sports team it is that you follow, or would you like to be at home with your good wife, making her squeal like the piggie she is?
Further, a large woman is truly the embodiment of the most primitive form of beauty. Are you at all familiar with the early neolithic stone carvings of huge goddess figures with mountainous breasts, large swollen bellies and delicate vulvas near disappearing between hefty sets of “thunder” thighs (and I believe here that you should become like Thor, the god of thunder and conquer these)? I am thinking in particular of either the Venus of Willendorf or more particular the Venus of Laussel? The Venus of Laussel is likely more to your liking, but I will advise you to go look at both. The Laussel Venus depicts a large lady, like yours, raising up a horn for drinking, a distinct symbol of excess, also like your good woman. I would ask that you think on this image and perhaps go for a hike or walk and sit and meditate – would you like to engage in raising of the horn with your good woman, or would you like to raise it amongst a group of males?
I, myself, am certainly not opposed to burying my face into soft pillowy breasts, and if you elect to cast your good wife by the way side, please do not hesitate to send me her e-mail address.
Be sure to email Varg with all your burning love queries and you may see them featured in a future issue of Sexual Sunday.