Hello there little friends.  How has your week been treating you so far?

Monday has already happened and that means we are closer and closer to this Friday, which is a holiday..  Good Friday.  Isn’t Jesus just a real friend, giving us the day off when he died?  What a good dude.  I know I will be at home mourning this great loss and totally not engaging in acts of sodomy, self mutilation, self-abuse or you know just drinking my liver to Hell.

Anywho, this past week, I noticed the internet noise machine was all aflutter because the line up for the Vans Warped Tour got leaked.  First of all..  I learned that Vans Warped was not only still a thing but that people still go to it.  People being a loose term here..  tweens still go to it.  But yes, in fact they do still go to it.  News to me.

Since I enjoy flagellating myself with own mortality and the slow never ending creep of age, I decided to check out the line up and yeah, aside from Motionless in White who I only know because I make fun of Chris Motionless all the time for being a tiny baby I want to bar fight bare handed.  Look.  I’m not saying I could DEVASTATE Chris Motionless, or anything, but once I was drinking at a pub out of a glass beer bottle and someone started some shit and half way through chugging my beer, I smashed it on the wall and tackled a full grown man to the ground and tried to stab him in the throat.  Pretty sure I could take a 90lb boy with teased hair to the ground, and since he can’t move so good in his skinny jeans, I’d clearly have the real advantage.

ANYWAYS.  Enough about violence and wishing it on people.  Yeah.  Realized I don’t know ANYONE on the Vans Warped Line Up and since I am not so far removed from my simian ancestors, this confused and enraged me, so I decided to look up some of the bands because hey why not, I had no other Sunday plans aside from howling at the moon and playing scratch n sniff with the crotch of my leggings.

So yeah.  After what can only be described as the psychological torture that is no doubt used on patients in mental asylums the world over, I came across Falling in Reverse.

do you love Motley Crue?  US TOO!!

So.  First of all, Falling in Reverse…  what the shit does that mean?  Falling up?  Falling forward?  Look, the only type of Falling forward I want to hear about is when you black out after drinking Jack and Coke and take a swan dive into your mother’s raspberry bush.

I can’t stand band names that make no fucking sense.  Like.  You have the entire power of the English language at your fingertips and Falling in Reverse is what you came up with?  It sounds like something one of those stoner memes online would come up with.

So, against my better judgement, I dialled up a video of this fucking band, and yeah it didn’t disappoint at all.  A bunch of try hard emo babies screaming about being hard, and apparently straight edge?  Or maybe not?  I don’t even know.

There’s NO WAY this music can appeal to anyone beyond the age of 22, I refuse to believe it.  And like, straight up, this is one of the reasons I haven’t had kids yet.  I’m not worried about my kids getting pregnant as teenagers, having autism, or getting vaccines, I’m worried about the shame that I would feel if they ever came home wearing pussy ass Falling in Reverse merch.

NO SON IM NOT MAD  IM JUST DISAPPOINTED.

Further to the fact that these INFANTS having nomenclature that makes no fucking sense, their music is seriously piss garbage.  A bum rattling around in a garbage can looking for a peach pit is seriously more entertaining.  HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

So please.  Please join me and suffer unto me this unholy fuck mess of cacophonous noise called “Chemical Prisoner” (how deep) by Falling in Reverse.

And this is definitely going in the Trash heap.  Where it belongs.

I walk a fine line between coping and insanity
The right pills, right now would be the wrong time
I have a hard time between flying and sobriety
The wrong thrill, strong will to keep myself alive

I’ve watched this rip apart my family
Fuck that, I’d rather die with honor (because singing family struggle with addiction = honorable)
But when the drug is runnin’ through me I can feel no pain
It’s not worth the price I pay

It’s so hard to be together
And I try, and I try
But it won’t get better
Forever
Days go, days go by
I won’t die, I won’t die cause
I must, I must try  (cool.  trying not to die..  how #edgy)
Forever

I missed a phone call from a friend I knew the other day
It was strange, it changed my life forever
A couple days go by, I found out that he passed away  (i can have full fucking face tatts and scream about honor and swear, but can’t say the word died..  true badass)
The right drug, wrong time, he’ll be remembered  (incidentally not the right drug, then?)

There’s two wolves that battle in us all right now
One’s good,
The other one is evil
If you’re wondering which wolf inside will succeed
It’s simple, it’s the one that you feed  (i’m pretty sure these lines got ripped directly from some pussy ass self help book or a facebook inspiration meme)

It’s so hard to be together
And I try, and I try
But it won’t get better
Forever
Days go, days go by
I won’t die I won’t die cause
I must I must try
Forever

It’s so hard to be together
And it won’t get better
Days go, days go by
But I must I must try
Forever

It’s so hard to be together
And I try, and I try
But it won’t get better
Forever
Days go, days go by
I won’t die I won’t die cause
I must I must try
Forever

It’s so hard to be together
Forever
It’s so hard to be together
Forever
Forever
Forever