Hey gentle friends. Did you spend your weekend listening to the braying of the crackheads who are your neighbors? As I mentioned before in my 6 Things That Can Fuck Off in 2016 article, I’m so fucking done with cocaine and cokeheads. I am forced to live in a neighborhood with two sets of delinquent neighbors who are unable to stop doing blow. It’s like the 1970s is happening all over again, I swear to god. The one broad walks around in this leopard print coat monstrosity pimp jacket that even a blind gay man would think was GAUCHE AS FUCK. Man cokeheads think they’re slick. They seriously do. They walk around with big ass shades on, hoodies pulled up like a group of derelict coke monks, and in big ass fur coats thinking they’re stylish and cool.
Folks. I’m here to tell you – If you’re strutting around in a goddamn pimp jacket, you are either on drugs, going to buy drugs, or it’s Halloween. Period. Full stop.
As much as I enjoy a good party, I would likely enjoy it a lot less if I had to be woken up at 4am by people screaming along to Morbid Angel and Crass while body slamming into each other and howling like dying elephants. But I mean, fuck the man… MAN. Fuck the man.. MAAAAAAN. Fuck. THE. MAN. MAAAN.
Seriously though if you’re poppin’ around town rocking rank BO and clothes that even Tyrone Biggums would pass on, you’re failing. You’re failing at being slick. We all know. We all know you’re scratching at the window at night and scratching at the bugs under your skin too, and hey while we are at it, the bugs in your hair as well. Look. We are all laughing at you, not with you. Never with you.
So I figured for this week, hey let’s celebrate how I almost never get any sleep due to the seemingly constant screaming and general all night raging that happens, and lets get TRASHED and also somewhat THRASHed this week for Trash/Thrash Tuesday.
Things that don’t come easily
Feeling happy in my pain
Icicles within my brain
Something blowing in my head
Winds of ice that soon will spread
Down to freeze my very soul
Makes me happy, makes me coldMy eyes are blind but I can see
The snowflakes glisten on the tree
The sun no longer sets me free
I feel the snowflakes freezing meLet the winter sunshine on
Let me feel the frost of dawn
Build my dreams on flakes of snow
Soon I’ll feel the chilling glowDon’t you think I know what I’m doing
Don’t tell me that it’s doing me wrong
You’re the one that’s really the loser
This is where I feel I belongKiss the world with winter flowers
Turn my days to frozen hours
Lying snowblind in the sun
Will my ice age ever come?
Here to tell you fine people that just remember – you can tell yourself that you just love a little toot every now and then, but never forget you’re only a pinch of baking soda and a microwave away from pushing a shopping cart down the street screaming stuff about God. Thanks for playing.