Sexual Sunday With Varg Vikernes: Hollywood Hunks

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Hey Varg!

I know you like Norse mythology and since the Marvel Thor movies are pretty popular, I’m curious if you are Team Thor (Chris Hemsworth) or Team Loki (Tom Hiddleston)?  Which of these two Hollywood hotties tips your drinking horn?

Love,

Horny in Hong Kong

 

Hello Horny,

Allow me to express to you my great disappointment that you are writing to me about such trivial matters as to what celebrity I might be engaging in some kind of Judeo-Christian idolatry over.  If I have said it once, I have said it over and over, and will continue to say it – The Hollywood construct orders its loyal servants (such as yourself) to engage in senseless worship while the powers-that-be overtake your rights, strip you of your basic freedoms, and pervert the very nature of True European spirituality and turn it into something for over fed Christians to laugh at and mock while they sit with their jowls veritably jiggling covered in a fine sheen of popcorn oil, in the theatre as my forebear’s most greatest traditions are paraded about in front of them for their own derision.  The story of the Odhinn, the AllFather, the one eyed wanderer, is not something to be scoffed at, taken lightly, or played by someone as simple minded as Anthony Hopkins.  To further make farce of my great tradition, the silver Hollywood machine casts Idris Elba to play Heimdall, a character named in myth to be fair skinned with long flowing red locks.  Disregarding the fundamental canon of Norse mythology is an affront to all heathens irregardless of their own personal beliefs.  For Hollywood to further engage in a competitive “hunk off”, some tragic minded sexual duel designed to keep unfufilled white women who hunger for the touch of a good man veritably soiling themselves over this paltry representation of Thor and of Loki is reprehensible though unsurprising.  To suggest further that my ‘drinking horn’ as you have put it, may be ‘tipped’ by another man is a glib insinuation that I would care at all about the workings of Hollywood even though Tom Hiddleston did make for an acceptable though still feminized version of the god of mischief.  I take offense, however, that you would imply that someone such as myself who is strong minded in my beliefs must be forced to choose between two options of drudgery.

Since you have taken the time to write to me, though your writing is moronic in nature, and further to this point, off topic, I will say that I accept Tom Hiddleston and his terrible green leather trenchcoat as the esteemed god of mischief.  I am not sure what god he prayed to in order to receive such a tragic hairstyle in these terrible films, but I can only assume that this god figure was not one from the True European pantheon.  As Loki speaks to Thor inside the box in which he is put during the events of Thor 2:  The Dark World, I must also ponder to you, why you are so very concerned about a man locked inside a box?  Perhaps it is you who is locked in an even smaller box, a closet like box.

Something to think about.

Vargg Vikernes

 

 

Email Varg with your burning questions and you may see them in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

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