Sexual Sunday with Varg Vikernes: Trouble in Toronto

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Dear Varg:

I need your advice! My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years and things are getting…well a bit stale. Is there anything you can suggest to bring the fire back in our relationship?

Thanks in advance,

Trouble in Toronto

 

 

Dear Trouble:

Might I suggest some roleplay? You could be a mysterious fire starter and she could be a naughty arson investigator, you could be a new in town Nazi, and she could be the seductive She Wolf of the SS, or my personal favourite: you can be a frisky Frodo and your girlfriend can be a Gorgeous Gollum. Recreate the fight for the one ring in your bedroom! It will be sure to get the blood flowing and she’ll definitely show you her eye of Sauron!

Or maybe surprise her with some passionate surprise foreplay! Follow her into an alley and stab her roughly 15 times, she’ll never see it coming!

Wishing you the best!

Your pal, Varg Vineres.

 

 

Do you have a yearning desire to learn more about yeast infections? Curious about what sounding is and how it’s affecting your love life?

Email Varg with your burning questions and you may see them in a future issue of Sexual Sundays.

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